Amanda Jane Loftus

I’ve seen so many things recently online promoting self-healing that I wonder whether people could be permanently stuck in this cycle and missing out.

Healing is absolutely a continuous practice and one of the best ways to heal is to action what you have learned (the doing). It’s like reading a manual about a car and thinking you can drive, it’s only when you get behind the wheel you know how well you can do it.

When we navigate through significant change, it is normal to become introspective and avoidant. Self-protection is healthy and to want to prevent the same things that have impacted or harmed you in the past.

What is important to comprehend, is no matter how much learning and growing you do as an individual to overcome things, it is others and situations that show us how far we have come in our journey of moving forward. We need to practice the new way of thinking or operating, and tweak as we go so it works best for us.

Part of being human is allowing yourself to be let down at times, hurt, challenged but also loved and respected, admired. By not participating and putting ourselves out there, we are only delaying it, not preventing it from ever happening. The fear of letting ourselves down can feel overwhelming and we become stuck.

While it is wonderful to be supported by others, remember it is up to you to own & practice your change. You may not get it right to start with, you certainly will become closer and learn far more from what you could do better, than to not do anything at all.

What is really special is you may inspire or motivate someone else by what you are doing and observing you may give them the strength and inspiration to do something meaningful for themselves. Sometimes being an incredible human, is showing others how incredible you can be for yourself.

Life is about doing, giving, being, connecting, loving and being loved. The magic is in how we allow ourselves to do these things over and over. And the trust we build within along the way to become the person we were born to be ✨️

Big Love M 💋X

To all the women I know 🥰 A gorgeous poem by Maya Angelou...

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Big Love, Mands 💖 xx

My latest podcast with the amazing Mumlete Megan Brown has just landed. I talk with her about my career, life experiences, grief and the mindset it takes to overcome situations and rebuild. To listen click here - https://youtu.be/vVaMPXNLTPo.

Discover Your Inner Strength: Amanda's Journey to Regaining Control After Trauma EP#0012 In Episode 2 of The Hey Mumma Podcast, host Megan sits down with Amanda, a leader in the artificial intelligence space with a background in HR and management...

How fantastic is the Australian of the Year recipient Taryn Brumfitt! I watched her Doco EMBRACE & I related to it in so many ways.

There were many inspiring stories. Women who have overcome physical impairment & illnesses that decided to not let it define them. Women all shapes & sizes shared how they have accepted their bodies & now are much happier.

They stepped into feeling feminine & sexy, connecting with themselves in the most beautiful way, having the most profound impact on their relationships.

A lot of discussion was around media promoting unrealistic examples of what a healthy body should look like, how this is unobtainable & impacts the average person. Women are comparing themselves to others whose full-time profession is to become this living image. They say most of what we see is filtered and altered to fit a ‘look’, I guess similar in a way to how AI imaging has recently started enhancing our photos.

It struck me how tough we can be on ourselves. Our bodies cope with so much & we can’t be at constant perfection all the time. There are many things that can change the course of life. An injury or illness. Demanding careers, projects, parenting responsibilities. It all adds up, yet our expectations of ourselves don’t adjust.

My story is similar to most women. I have been through many body transformations over the years. I was petite most of my life & I woke up with curves in my mid 20’s. They remain always, sometimes larger & then much smaller. I dress for the size I am at the time, as beautifully as possible. For me each day is a special occasion & this is how I honour it.

I was fortunate to grow up in a family of women who have always taken pride in themselves. They were inspired by Marilyn Munroe & Sophia Lauren. Mum has always been my role model. She has scars from surgeries she never covered, she was confident in her skin. I always saw her body & my daughter see’s mine.

I had truly adored it up until I became widowed & then single. It was a daunting experience after being married for 15 years. The very first guy I dated said something very unkind to me about my body at a very vulnerable time, it affected me deeply. I was fit, healthy & feeling amazing. I had rebuilt myself from the inside out & it was a side swipe I didn’t honestly see coming.

At a high level, after a month he said I had a beautiful face but he wasn’t attracted to me physically because he liked women with more muscle definition. Fair enough & I appreciated the honesty but he didn’t stop there….he went on to say he thought I was amazing but could we take a break for 3 months while I work with a personal trainer and then he would date me again if I was in the shape he preferred. – or did I need longer? 😂 Needless to say, he exposed himself for the person he is, not my person.

Surprisingly I have had other men talk to me about women being a certain body fat percentage and that I shouldn’t expect a fit guy would date me, if I am not equally as fit. That I need to become the person physically that I want to attract. There is some truth to this generally, however none of these men who have said this to me have ever had a successful relationship in their lives. Interesting! 🤔

As you can imagine I stopped dating, it has almost been a year. It has taken time to rebuild my self confidence and get my mojo back after thinking maybe I am not ok how I am 😱 I didn't need to be under that sort of pressure at such a busy time in my life. I do friends first and then see what grows from there because attraction grows from knowing the whole person.

So I am now back on my A game! I can be vulnerable & proud, not feel like I need to hide any part of myself. I own who I am and my shape. I’m totally comfortable with the constant evolvement of my body. It means I have lived which is a privilege that not everyone has & I hope it sets the best example for my amazing daughter who has a full life ahead of her.

By seeing someone step into their vulnerability like Taryn & say publicly, hey my body isn’t perfect (backed up by posting pictures of herself) & I am happier than I have ever been, is really empowering for so many women including me even at 46.

It has created the opportunity to have this conversation & this is where the change starts. Has anyone else experienced these feelings with their bodies? How did you overcome it or are you still struggling with certain things? Would be amazing to hear.

If you haven’t watched Embrace yet seek it out and let me know what you think! It may change your life or help someone you care deeply about to see themselves differently, perhaps in the incredible way you do.

We can show people how to love us, by how we love ourselves first.

Much Love M X❤️

PS No n**e selfies were taken to support this post...I am not that brave, YET 😉

I spoke on a podcast recently about dating in my 40’s & about the experiences that may help others navigate this in an easier way. I missed talking about this...

I have been on my own for 3 years. I was dating & then I stopped in April this year. I wasn’t too busy, needing to better myself or unable to move forward. There was something missing in my ❤ with the people I met & a feeling I wanted to experience but didn’t. It’s not a chemistry thing, or attraction, something material or compatibility, it is even beyond these things.

Simply put, it felt like I hadn’t met someone who is perhaps deep enough to understand the things that you never talk about. An energy where you can be in silence yet still connected. To have space exist & not rush to fill it with words. A place where your heart feels expanded.

I have a similar feeling when I listen to music, it runs right through me & it brings me peace, it heals. During every stormy part of life, it shows up & finds a way to me.

My person feels like this & it’s resounding, like a knowing from a timeless place that has aways existed ✨️

He is someone who has seen enough of life to appreciate that I have too. Although we may have scarring from our experiences, we still choose to have an incredible one together. One that will be full of laughter, music, adventures, our children & many kisses at sunset.

He won’t be afraid to love as he will understand that’s the only way to exist with me. He will trust this always. I will remind him every day how much he means in the world. Whoever he is, he will eventually become the person I see every morning. My person to build something epic with all the wisdom we share together.

Although many have their list of physical & material wants in a significant other. Please always think about the extraordinary magic this person will bring into your life & the feeling of this. It may be something that grows over time or is immediate when you meet.

I am a true believer it is how you will know who your person is. When you can connect with it within yourself, you will recognise it in someone else.

This is a great love I hope we will all find.

Your hopeless romantic Mands X💋

A letter of love to myself 💌

Recently I have had the time to talk and connect with so many people around me and hear stories of their lives on the long walks we have had, through work, out at dinner, during phone calls. In all sorts of places and interesting situations.

When you have the length of time to chat, different things start to surface beyond the normal how are you, how is everything going, how are the kids? There is a real depth to the conversation that develops, and you learn a lot about them.

I realised the same questions kept coming up for me repeatedly. People are curious as to how I have navigated through creating a whole new life in a different country on my own and why I took such a huge shift from where I was, even geographically away from friends and family.

I guess in many ways it appears externally that becoming widowed almost 3 years ago now, was the major catalyst and it certainly was a part of it. I feel on reflection it was largely inspired by reconnecting with myself at this stage of my life and starting with a blank piece of paper. Not by choice even, but purely by circumstance.

It has taken huge courage, perseverance, and a lot of risk which has been scary. However, the biggest risk would have been not doing anything differently, waking up unhappy and unfulfilled with only a very short time on earth in the grand scheme of things. After seeing someone you love die and not have the choice to live themselves, it really alters your perception about many things.

You truly work out what is important to you before you are no longer here too and what type of person you want to be in the world, the adventures you want to have, perhaps even the legacy you want to leave behind.

Maybe this is not said for everyone who has this experience, but it is part of my story. I remember at the time when the world was dark and I couldn't easily see a way forward, I wrote a letter of love to myself and this is what it said…

It is ok to be worried about what is ahead as it is not what you pictured or planned 🥲

Absolutely everything for you will change and you need to expect that it does.

Not everyone will understand what you are going through, all the most important people to you will and this is ok as you only need the best people on your team 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦

Go back through old photos, listen to music, continue to dance in the kitchen and remember who you have been your whole life, be that girl as she is fun and free spirited. Its ok to be happy and be sad.

At times you may feel lonely on your own, feel it & don’t replace it with something to fill the void because that is the only way you will be able to move past it (note to self…stay away from animal shelters🐕🐈‍⬛)

Spend the time on your own, working on yourself so you can fall in love with life again as it is now, before someone falls in love with you 💕

One day someone will see the amazing woman you have become, how fearless & kind-hearted you are. Make sure they have the capacity to love you the way you will love them, as this is an equal partnership.

Find your tribe who will help you add value in the world doing things that will inspire your soul & other people’s too ✨️

Pay it forward, take what you have learned & share this with others so they know they can do it too.

Things are going to be tough but not always. Keep moving ahead one step at a time because all lasting change happens with one step consistently in the right direction.

Even though you are the only parent your child has, you are always enough, every day of the week 🦸‍♀️

Be patient with yourself…this will be the hardest thing for you because you want everything yesterday. Give it time.

Its ok to be frustrated, be scared, and burst into tears in strange places wondering what the hell you have done. No one is perfect and you don’t need to be either. Hang out in nature, the peacefulness will ground you 🌱

Have the courage to create the life you want, have all the adventures you could ever imagine. No sitting on the sideline, participate & try new things. Sing opera, take those dance lessons, learn to cook Italian. Get beyond the aspirations you have, to be an inspiration 💃

Ultimately, remember you have the wisdom to choose how this plays out, it will be an opportunity that comes from loss or a loss of yourself & your life, it is your choice, it’s your future.

And this is what I tell people when they ask, about how I came to be where I am now.

I have discovered the hardest conversation is the one you need to have with yourself sometimes.

We have one shot at life, and this starts when we realise, we have one shot at life 😉

Much Love, Me X❤

What an incredible day raising funds for Mitochondrial disease with these beautiful women ❤️
(Bec, Anna & Nikki)

The most certainly lived up to its name...35kms but just the most spectacular scenery here in Brisbane...from nature to the city.

There was great conversation, some alone time listening to music (maybe a bit of singing because I couldn't help myself 😉) and most of all, deep thoughts about life and the future.

I learned that training properly might be a good idea💡That you can never have enough Allen's Snake Lollies 🐉 (thank you Anna) and Electrolyte tablets do actually work!

My mind is so relaxed tonight...my body punished...more importantly I am content and happy with my world. Such an achievement whilst walking with a bunch of gorgeous girlfriends who I couldn't do this without their support to get across the finish line.

Put this event on the bucket list as it is such a worthy cause that will have a significant impact for the people who need it. It's also good food for the soul ✨️

Much love Me ❤️ X

PS wish me luck walking tomorrow I have a strong feeling I will need it 😂

Happy 15th Birthday to my gorgeous girl. She is sassy, funny, smart and the most incredible human...(totally takes after her Dad 😉) Keep being you always, dream big. Love you more than Google Boo Baa # #

Do you want to know how to optimise your life? Reverse engineer it! 🔥

At times we can end up in a place where we have no idea which direction we should head in. We may be presented with so many options, risks & decisions, all leading to different paths.

Which is the right path to choose? 🤔

This can be overwhelming & cause you to hit snooze, your momentum slows down & you can lose the traction to achieve the things you desire to have or do. At the same time the window for these opportunities becomes narrowed.

When someone close to me was given 2 years to complete his life here on earth, this is exactly what he did. He skipped right to the end of his life & looked back on all of what he had achieved & then created a plan because there were still some significant things he wanted to experience. This shaped the direction that became the rest of his life & his legacy 🏛

Suddenly he had razor sharp focus & exuberant confidence, the change in him was instantly noticeable. He felt he could do everything he wanted as he literally had nothing to lose.

He did this so he could pass over feeling content that he had fulfilled his life purpose & leave this life behind. He went on to do the most astounding things, most importantly he ticked off his list & left the earth super proud of what he achieved 😇

I truly believe 100% that reverse engineering your life can give you the hindsight that is hard to achieve when you look at things forwardly focused.

Why wait until you are pushed into doing this when the reward for doing it now means you can make the important choices which will impact you & your family in the years to come 🎯

We will never know how much time we have & when we look at decisions from an end point, they have a lot more significance.

Optimise your life now. Skip to the end – then look back 💫

I teach this exercise to many of the amazing people I coach & partner with. I have absolutely seen it make a huge difference. If you would like me to share it with you, post a comment below or send me a direct message.

‘You can’t go back & change the beginning, but you can start where you are & change the ending’

Much Love, Coach Mands X❤

Happy International Women’s Day! Behind every strong woman, is another strong woman in my experience of life 🌈

Equality and success in the world for women starts with us lifting each other up.

“my strength should not threaten you.
my strength is not a threat to your strength.
you are strong.
you are beautiful.
you are lush.
you are powerful.
as you are.
as i am.
imagine the force we would be together
if we lifted each other up.
imagine the force we would be together
if we didn’t tear each other down.”
 
As women, I believe we need to stand together…always 💯

For all the beauties in my life, thank you for always supporting me and helping me feel like I can achieve anything 🙏🥰

Much Love Me X ❤