Common Ground Montessori Learning Community

A friend was recently wondering about what to do on the playground when another child was mimicking his child. How to interact with other people’s kids is a common conundrum for parents, and how we handle these types of situations is how we build the village that raises all of our children effectively. Here are my thoughts on what to do…

First, I would NOT assume the child is “a bully”. Younger children may not even realize they’re doing something wrong or hurtful, and older children are exhibiting a learned behaviour that may be easily redirected. So, look for the child’s positive motive and try to help them get what they’re wanting by engaging them. Hint: their motive is probably to engage with your child or with you.

I’d first interrupt the behaviour by making eye contact and smiling and cheerfully saying something like, “You said that just like she did!” Then I’d immediately distract the child towards a positive behaviour and positive interaction. “Would you like a turn to slide?”

If that doesn’t work and the child continues (unlikely), I’d get down on their level, look in their eyes and say, “I’ve heard enough of that. If you’d like to continue repeating, please go far enough away that we don’t hear it. If you’d like to play with us, you can ask, “Can I play with you?””

Most children will correct their behaviour immediately if you tell them what they can do instead by using “You can…”

Instead of hitting, “You can say, ‘I didn’t like that. Please talk to me nicely.’” Instead of pushing, “You can say, ‘Please give me space.’” Etc. It’s all about finding their positive motive and helping them get it through positive behaviour, rather than jumping to the conclusion that they’re a “bad kid” and that the best solution is to chastise them.

I recently read a parent’s note that they weren’t sure Montessori was worth it anymore now that there is free preschool in California.

The benefits of Montessori are SO worth it! A good Montessori classroom delivers a whole range of learning that doesn’t happen in typical preschool. The focus on independence means that children develop a much, much higher level of executive function skills, which are the main skills that result in success and happiness as an adult. They include the ability to concentrate, which is actually a learned skill intentionally practiced in a Montessori classroom - and we all know that the ability to concentrate is especially needed these days! Additionally, the advanced academics in a Montessori classroom mean that children are less likely to experience issues learning to read, write, and do math.

Different schools follow the method more or less closely, but the benefits of good Montessori are very clear.

Anyone else have an opinion on whether it’s worth it?

There is a myth that if parents just speak respectfully to their children, this is enough to result in children that are respectful in return. This isn’t the case. Children also need clear expectations and firm boundaries.

If you set clear expectations and enforce firm boundaries AND speak respectfully, this combination will teach your children to be respectful in return.

Do you agree?

How to teach grit:

First, give your child highly motivating activities at exactly their level (not too difficult), then explicitly teach the steps of how to complete the activity, then let them practice independently. When issues arise, show them exactly how to deal with them so they know for next time. Example: food preparation in a Montessori classroom, like egg-slicing or mandarin-peeling.

Next, set the example and tell your child the stories of what you’ve done to be gritty.

Third, teach a saying that symbolizes grit in your family. Example: “When something is hard, you may have to try a lot of times!” Repeat often when appropriate.

Most of all, your child has to feel success after doing something difficult. Once they have done that, keep telling that story to inspire them to do it again. “I remember the time Kavya couldn’t find the egg slicer, so she looked in the drawer and it wasn’t there, then she looked in the cupboard and it wasn’t there, then she looked in the other drawer and it wasn’t there, then she looked in the sink and it wasn’t there. She didn’t give up and she didn’t give up and she didn’t give up!!! Finally, she looked in dishwasher and there it was!”

This is how you teach grit.

Parenting from the Ego: This hits home for me! Since I'm a parenting coach, you'd think my child should be perfect, right? Nope. No such thing. She's a person, a child, and my child, all good reasons to expect that she will do things that "make me look bad" sometimes. My new friend Trisha Savoia makes a GREAT point here: http://ow.ly/9FIXx

Isn't every child gifted, with special needs?

Inspire hope and offer empowerment by sharing the context of human evolution with your children.

From birth, build creativity & trust. Ask: What are your needs? What are my needs? What can we do that works for both of us?"

Children are designed to learn!

Alison Gopnik: What do babies think? | Video on TED.com TED Talks "Babies and young children are like the R&D division of the human species," says psychologist Alison Gopnik. Her research explores the sophisticated intelligence-gathering and decision-making that babies are really doing when they play.

Such an important message to remind us to slow down and give our children time to be here now...

The Unsettling Truth About Life Life as explained using Music. Narrated by: Alan Watts

A great video of a talk by a Montessori parent discussing how Montessori is different...

Trevor Eissler "Montessori Madness!" - 321 FastDraw For more info, please visit http://www.321fastdraw.com/