Coach Atlas

When we try to discover the things that are for us, we also discover the things that are not. It is not a failure on your part - it is simply part of the process. Drop a ❤️ in the comments if this resonates with you.

Intimacy is not s*x, but rather, it is the gateway to s*x. It creates the tension. It creates the attraction. Even in the honeymoon phase, intimacy was the driving force towards your first s*xual encounter. You laughed. You played. You flirted, joked, and enjoyed each other. If more or better s*x is what you want, begin not by reaching for s*x, but by engaging with your partner long beforehand.

This approach was a game changer for me.

I didn’t stop assuming things were wrong - I took responsibility for the things I was noticing and how my perception was making ME feel.

And 99% of the time, my story was inaccurate - I had done nothing wrong, they weren’t upset with me - they were in their own world navigating their own individual life separate from me.

In other words - it had absolutely nothing to do with me.

The key here for me was really getting that how I feel about something has everything to do with how I am perceiving the events in front of me.

It’s my perspective.
It’s my viewpoints.

Whether it’s subconscious or conscious, it’s still me.

And that is something I need to take responsibility for.

What that does is it moves me from the victim position to the victor position.

And, it drastically improves my communication with my partner.

Because I take responsibility for my experience, my partner doesn’t feel attacked, assumed upon, or condemned.

She doesn’t feel the need to be defensive, and there is nothing for her to take personally, because I am not pointing out what she is doing wrong - I am pointing out how I feel about the story I am telling myself and the clarity I am seeking from a curious approach.

And like I said earlier, this has been an absolute game changer.

I highly encourage you to try this, as it is a staple in my coaching practice and has helped my clients immensely.

Relationships can be difficult, but they can also be a lot easier when we do the little things.

How do you stay present in your relationship?

If you want to provoke defensiveness and retaliation, then continue waving your sword around. But if you want to elicit growth, change, and repair, say to yourself “that’s interesting” and then ask a question.

Note: get really honest with yourself about your approach. Most of the time, our intent isn’t to attack - it happens without our awareness, so take a pause, and then decipher what your goal is: is it to have an effective conversation, or is it to fight? Then navigate your approach from there.

These kinds of micro shifts are exactly what I help all of my clients put into practice, and, over our time together, they begin to replace the old habits of attack/defend with ask/understand.

If you believe that improving the quality of your communication with your partner would help create more connection and alignment, click the link in my bio and book a call with me. I believe that we all can be apart of an incredible relationship, and I can absolutely help you build it, no matter what stage you’re at.

Vids can be a serious a$$hole sometimes, but she is also a well full of lessons that have helped me better understand relationships. Here are 3 that come to mind:

1. Positive reinforcement goes a lot further than negative reinforcement. A.k.a - appreciation is more valuable than condemnation. (And it just feels better all around)

2. She has to be considered when making any and all plans. A.k.a - when we commit to sharing lives with someone, it becomes a necessity to consider our partner and our relationship when making decisions. If we don’t, they will p**s on the carpet 😂

3. She needs play time throughout the day. A.k.a - when we plan our days and add things to our to-do list, we must also prioritize giving love, time, attention, and fun to our partner and our relationship. Just like a dog can become depressed if neglected, a relationship can become futile if not consistently tended to.

If you have or had a dog, what lessons have they offered you? Comment them below, or just drop a 🐶 if you feel personally attacked by Vida’s side-eye. 😂

Story was it first. Also, bonus learning number 8 - Harry Potter book series is actually really great! I prefer movies but I really enjoyed the way it was written.