mscowell

Think of all the phrases we use to make things more pleasant, when someone is sick we say under the weather; when someone dies we say passed away or eternal rest. This language can be very challenging for children and youth.

The best advice we were given when I was diagnosed with cancer was to use the word "cancer." It was explained that if we use illness or sick children think of it in terms of their own experience. My daughter was 5 turning 6 at the time of my diagnosis and at this age they know that sickness (colds) get passed from one person to the next and in order to alleviate the fear of this using the term "cancer" (cause that's what it was) we were able to alleviate the fear of "catching" it for her.

The same goes for death and dying; use the words with children, it is clear and they are able to better understand. In the work I have done through the grief recovery method telling children that the body doesn't work anymore is what death is allows them to better come to terms with what is happening around them.

What do you recall hearing people say around death, dying, illness or any other uncomfortable topic when you were a kid?

It is simple really but perhaps one of the hardest things to do especially when we as the adults are hurting too.

Let that sink in for a minute... now read it again. Think about how we perpetuate being happy or how much society values showing happiness versus sadness. What are we teaching our young people? Join me Saturday to see how we can shift this.
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I have been a bit absent from socials lately , it's good sometimes, we have been busy but this post in particular has stalled my process. It's been written and re-written several time. You see, we said our final goodbye to our Lucy a couple weeks ago, here is part of my love letter to her. This is part of a process that helps me grieve.

Dear Lucy,
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Your death has left my heart wounded. A wound that will become a scar to add to the others. It is still fresh and so are the tears.
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We welcomed you into our home shortly after G was born (not recommended). Petite and timid with a mind of your own, a lab that doesn't swim for example. You are by far the most challenging dog we have had and the most reluctant to trust me in particular. I get it nail trims and ear cleanings are not fun. I do know in your final days you let me in so I feel that keeping your distance from me was a bit of an act. Some of your antics like not wanting to get in the truck when it is time to leave the cabin or when we were camping and it was cold or pouring rain just kept us creative and on our toes in order to corral you.
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I find myself looking for you at the front door or on your bed. You walked with poise and ran with me too. I wish we had more time for you in more recent years and for that I apologize.
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I loved seeing you play, groom and share space with Tucker who started his life with you as the pesky little puppy but in time became your true brother...
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Our life was better with you in it. Thank you for the memories. I love you Lucy.

It is mother's day, please take a moment to acknowledge that this day looks different for all. However you are feeling and wherever you are on your journey I see you and am holding space for you today.

What is your earliest memory of loss? For many of us this is a pet from childhood.
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My brother and I had a hamster named Barney. He was beige and lived to be 5 that was one of my first experiences with loss. The limited memories I have is that we simply moved on. There wasn't much said or done. I also think we got fish shortly there after.
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What this taught me is one of the myths we explore through the Grief Recovery Method: replace the loss as opposed to feel the loss.
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Grief recovery method walks you through action steps toward reconciling incomplete feelings so that you can come to a place of peace.

Where do you feel grief? For me it is my head, especially after a good ol' cry session.

What is your definition of grief? I would love to hear it, no judgement and no wrong answers because the one thing I do know is that no two people experience grief the same way. We may have similar feelings but they do not occur in the same way. Tell me your definition of grief.

Well May has arrived with some beautiful weather and an energy to it that has me looking at the last month or so and realizing I haven't been managing my time or prioritizing my time in the most effective way so I am going to work on that this month :) What are your time management hacks?

This is a prompt I use on Fridays for my journal. I simply write how Friday feels on that day. Sometimes it feels like warmth and energy and other days it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Sometimes I write paragraphs and other times it is just a couple of sentences, no judgement either way. Gimme one word in the comments about your Friday Feels today.

Some things you can do when you are grieving.