The Relationship Space

I am featured in the Sydney Morning Herald today discussing the dating trend of “yearning.”

And whilst yearning sounds romantic, I’ve spent years helping women understand why longing for someone isn’t the same thing as loving them.

Many of us have experienced it.

You meet someone.
Maybe you’ve only been on a handful of dates.
Maybe they’ve sent a few thoughtful messages.
Maybe they’re inconsistent, unavailable, or not fully choosing you.

Yet somehow, they start occupying far more space in your mind than they do in your life.
You imagine conversations that haven’t happened.
You imagine a future that hasn’t been built.
You feel intense emotions for someone you don’t yet truly know.

This is where I often encourage clients to pause.
Because sometimes what we’re feeling isn’t deep love.

It’s deep hope.
Hope that this person will choose us.
Hope that this time will be different.
Hope that an old wound might finally be healed through someone else’s love.

But healthy love isn’t built through longing.

It’s built through knowing:

Knowing someone’s character.
Knowing their values.
Knowing how they show up when life gets hard.
Knowing whether they consistently choose you back.

Connection requires two people. Yearning only requires one.

The most secure relationships I’ve seen aren’t built on endless longing.

They’re built on curiosity, consistency, reciprocity, and time.
I’m curious: Have you ever mistaken yearning for genuine connection?
Let me know below.

We’re finally seeing a lot more about ADHD, Autism and relationships in the media. Whilst there are challenges that come with these conditions (hello emotion dysregulation!) that impact communication, they also come with real joy and strengths. Whilst I’ve seen affairs and conflict in these couples, I’ve also witnessed incredible tenacity and deep love and loyalty. I hope we continue to see neuroaffirming articles that decrease stigma and shame, and just maybe set off a little lightbulb in someone who wonders “is this me?” My work is guided by compassion, cultivating self-acceptance and lived experience (I’m a proud AuDHDer who knows what it’s like to struggle in love). Thanks to the lovely for having me & valuing lived experience.

I’ve decided to enter the Randwick City Local Business Awards in the Outstanding Health category!

Over many years, I’ve had the privilege of helping women build secure, loving relationships, helping couples strengthen their bond, and shared my own story in my book When Will It Happen For Me?

What started as a passion for helping people heal their relationship patterns has grown into something beyond my dreams: Being able to tell my story in the media, so that every woman stops feeling shame about her relationship history, and finds hope and genuine guidance. Supporting colleagues in supervision, teaching couples and family therapy at a university level; and finding belief in my business skills (whilst navigating an ADHD brain nonetheless).

And while I still have moments of self-doubt (thanks to J for hearing those often), I’m proud of the heart behind this work and the community here that sees just as much value in cultivating healthy relationships.

Thank you for being here, and if you’d love to vote for me, head to link in bio, or comment “vote”

Congrats to fellow writer on the launch of her debut book Solo Mum By Choice. This is one inspiring human, writer, and mother- her book tells the story of her hopes to be a mother and give love to a child. Her IVF rounds hit double digits showing tenacity and courage. The book explores her path from dating too one too many frogs and realising she was moulding herself to society’s expectations of partnership- and breaking free- to follow her authentic path to solo motherhood. Lorena, the publishing world is tough, and I admire your fight to tell your story. Highly recommend this read to any woman considering solo motherhood. 💕🩷🙌⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Today is World Book Day, and I found myself reflecting on this journey.

A story about a woman (and psychologist) finding secure love after too many red flags. This is your story too.

From writing this book quietly, editing its pages, to holding it in my hands.

To seeing it in bookstores, then speaking about it on radio and TV. 

And now, watching it support women (and my male clients too) in ways I once needed myself.

This book was never just about dating.

It was about those moments of feeling alone, lost, and doubting oneself.

“Why does this feel so hard for me?” “Am I doing this wrong?” “I said too much”

I know that place deeply.
The overthinking.
The self-doubt.
The feeling of doing “all the work”, and still not having the love you want.

What I’ve learned, and see each day at work, is that:

You don’t find healthy love by becoming someone else.

You find it by learning how to feel safe being yourself; meeting your own emotional needs and loving yourself first.

That’s what this book walks you through

If you’re healing from heartbreak, have lost yourself in relationships, and want more from love-

This is for you. You can find it via the link in my bio or comment BOOK and I’ll send it to you.

And if you’ve already read it, I’d love to know what landed for you

Most breakups don’t end when the relationship ends.

The emotions linger, your mind overthinks. 

Then there’s the urge to reach out, or doubting your decision.

And no one really teaches you how to manage that, especially when you’re alone for the first time.

So when I was featured in a piece penned by the wise in speaking about separation, I shared something I see all the time:
It’s not just heartbreak you’re navigating- 
it’s your patterns, your emotions, fears for the future, and loss of love.

That’s why moving on can feel so hard.

Because part of you is still relating to them like a partner- when the reality is, something has shifted.

And this is the work that no one teaches you:

Learning to regulate your emotions instead of reacting from them.

Setting boundaries that actually protect your energy.

And slowly separating who they were to you… from who they are now.

That’s where your power comes back.

If you want to read the full article:
DM me “ARTICLE” and I’ll send you the link.

And if you’re healing after heartbreak, trying to make sense of what happened, and how to move forward without losing yourself in the process, that’s what my book When Will It Happen For Me? is here to help you do-
heal the patterns, rebuild trust in yourself, and open to real, secure, mutual love. Link in bio.

You can want love deeply… and still be blocking it, without even realising it. Take 5 Magazine, True Stories, Puzzles, Prizes

I see this in so many women I work with, and it was once me too.

Our protective walls are sneaky, and our nervous system is warding off danger.

In this article, I shared some of the most common ways we push love away:
– Shutting down when things feel vulnerable
– Choosing emotionally unavailable partners
– Overthinking instead of showing up authentically
– Staying in situations that don’t meet your needs

These patterns aren’t random.
They’re learned from earlier experiences where it wasn’t safe to be fully seen, to have needs, or to trust love.

So instead, you adapt. You protect yourself, you hold back. 

But those strategies can loosen up when love feels safe; the right love, will persist when it matters, will try to break through those walls, will be prepared to have the important conversations and respect your needs.

Walls keep love out, and vulnerability will build connection. And this is exactly what I go deeper into in my book.

Not just what the patterns are (you know that part mostly)- But how to actually shift them, so you can feel safe enough to let love in.

If this resonated, my book When Will It Happen For Me? will help you understand your patterns, and finally start changing them. Page by page, exercise by exercise.

Comment BOOK and I’ll send you the details (available in paperback and ebook)
(or head to the link in my bio)

It’s little emails like this that mean everything to me. This work is personal; it’s heart-centred; it is soul-deep. There’s nothing I love more than helping women heal- to rebuild their worth, find their true voice, and nurture the child within. This work at its core is about more than finding love- it’s about having the tools to regulate and navigate whatever life throws at you, within any relationship. Wishing you a beautiful week ahead. 🩷💜💛