Stephanie Rigg

As requested, sharing this as a follow up to the one I shared last week about small acts that go a long way for anxious partners.

If your partner tends more towards avoidant attachment, small things can make a big difference in supporting them to feel a greater sense of trust, safety and security — especially when things get emotionally charged.

Avoidant attached people often have a deep fear of being engulfed, shamed, or controlled. That doesn’t mean their reactions are always fair or easy to navigate, but understanding what’s going on underneath can help you respond in a way that builds trust rather than fuels the cycle.

PS. Want to learn more about breaking the anxious-avoidant cycle? Comment FREE TRAINING and I’ll send you the link to register for my webinar on healing anxious attachment and creating more secure connection.

When you’re triggered, it’s easy to spiral — reacting in ways that leave you feeling out of control, disconnected, or ashamed afterwards.

But with a bit of awareness and structure, you can interrupt that automatic cycle and choose a different path.

Here’s a simple four-step process you can use next time you’re overwhelmed:

1. Pause – Interrupt the default reaction. Breathe. Step away if you need to.

2. Notice Sensations – Tune into your body. Where do you feel it? Can you breathe into it?

3. Check Your Story – What meaning are you making? Are you reacting to this moment, or a past wound?

4. Action + Response – What do you need right now? What boundaries, repair, or support would help?

Save this as a tool for next time you’re in the thick of it.

PS. Want a free PDF one pager with these 4 steps? Comment CHEAT SHEET below and I’ll send it to you.

When you’ve spent years in relationships that felt uncertain, one-sided, or emotionally unpredictable, a healthy relationship can feel… unfamiliar.

Not because it’s boring or lacking excitement — but because your nervous system is finally learning what safety feels like.

And that safety changes everything.

You’re no longer caught in the cycle of overthinking, walking on eggshells, or trying to be “better” so you won’t be abandoned.

It’s not perfect — of course, no relationship is.
But for the first time, connection starts to feel like something you can relax into.

❤️

PS. If this type of partnership is something you desire for yourself, I’d love you to check out my new 75 min FREE training, How to Heal Anxious Attachment & (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love. I share my 3-part framework that’s helped thousands heal their anxious attachment, common blocks to healing, and how to know whether your relationship might be fundamentally misaligned.

Comment FREE TRAINING or sign up via the link in my bio.

Anxious attachment can feel overwhelming, especially when our relationships reflect back our deepest fears of rejection and abandonment.

But the good news is that healing IS possible. You don’t have to stay stuck in cycles of overthinking, overgiving, and overanalysing. You can learn how to feel confident, clear and self-trusting, and create relationships that feel secure and nourishing.

If that’s you — definitely check out my new free 75 minute training on How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love. I share the exact 3-part framework that I’ve used to help thousands of people heal their anxious patterns, as well as common reasons you might be stuck and how to discern whether there are real issues in your relationship that need reconsidering.

This training is PACKED with value and insight, and will leave you feeling clear on your next step, and inspired about the path ahead. Comment FREE TRAINING and I’ll send you the link to register — you won’t regret it. ✨

Comment FREE TRAINING to register for my new 75 minute training on How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love ❤️❤️

Let me be very clear: you do not have to endlessly forgive people who have caused you pain, nor do you need to give them second, third, or fourth chances. You have every right to distance yourself from those whose behaviour hurts you, crosses a line for you, or is simply not compatible with what you desire for your life and relationships.

But if you think your freedom and peace are going to come from denying someone else’s humanity and insisting that they are “just a terrible person” — or playing tit-for-tat and saying “why should I be compassionate towards them when they’re not being compassionate towards me??” — well I’m sorry to tell you, but you are almost certainly blocking yourself from what you are seeking.

That is not freedom. It’s committing to a version of reality that keeps you disempowered and swirling around in your pain. And ironically, it’ll keep you stuck in the patterns you’re so desperately wanting to shift.

When you start to realise that you can treat others with compassion, recognise their humanity AND hold clear and self-responsible boundaries that honour what you need and what you can and cannot tolerate — that’s where the true healing begins.

If this resonates, I’d love to invite you to join my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment. Many of my anxiously attached students comment that they benefit hugely from an approach that emphasises self-responsibility, honours everyone’s struggles and very deliberately doesn’t villainise avoidant folks.

To celebrate its 3rd birthday and 2500 students, Healing Anxious Attachment is 30% off for the next few days. Comment BIRTHDAY below and I’ll DM you the link!

Comment BIRTHDAY to join 500 others on the VIP list and get exclusive sale access next week! 🥂💌

Healing Anxious Attachment is perfect for you if:

- You’re tired of the constant self-doubt, second-guessing, and overthinking.
- You want to develop deep self-trust and genuine self-esteem.
- You’re ready to finally experience a secure, loving, and healthy relationship — without the constant fear of everything falling apart.

Almost 2500 students have taken this program in the last three years. The testimonials in this post are a tiny handful of the many, many more I have received from students who describe the course as having changed their lives.

If you’re ready to turn a new page on your story, I’d love to have you inside Healing Anxious Attachment.

When I was deep in my anxious attachment, I felt like I was giving everything I had — my time, my energy, my love — only to be left wondering why it still wasn’t enough. Why I still felt so anxious, so unseen, so insecure. Why no matter how much I tried to be easygoing, accommodating, or whatever they needed me to be, I still couldn’t make them love me the way I longed to be loved — not even close.

Eventually I realised that it wasn’t about learning how to hold onto someone who kept me guessing. It was about respecting myself enough to see that I deserved better. How to trust in my own worth instead of outsourcing my self-esteem to people who were never in a position to offer the safety I was craving.

I know with absolute certainty that healing is possible.

Not just because I’ve walked this path myself, but because I’ve guided thousands of others through it and witnessed their profound transformations.

I’ve seen people step out of cycles of overthinking, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment.

I’ve watched them reclaim their self-worth, set boundaries with confidence and clarity, and finally experience relationships that feel safe, reciprocal, and deeply fulfilling.

If that’s the shift you’ve been craving, I want to help you get there.

Healing Anxious Attachment is turning three, and for the first time ever, I’m offering something I’ve *never* done before — your chance to join the course at the lowest price it’s ever been.

But this is an exclusive offer — only for those on the VIP list, and only for 24 hours.

Comment BIRTHDAY below, and I’ll send you the link to join the list so you’ll be the first to know when the sale goes live on 16 March.

One of the great ironies of anxious-avoidant relationships is that each person, in trying to protect themselves, unknowingly creates exactly what they fear most.

The anxiously attached partner, terrified of abandonment and rejection, seeks closeness in ways that can feel overwhelming — pushing for reassurance, overexplaining, and reacting strongly to perceived distance.

But this pursuit often has the opposite effect, triggering the avoidantly attached partner’s fear of being smothered. In an effort to protect themselves, they pull away, shut down, or withdraw, unintentionally confirming the anxious partner’s deepest fear: I’m too much, and they’re going to leave me.

Meanwhile, the avoidantly attached partner, afraid of losing their independence or being consumed by someone else’s needs, creates distance to maintain a sense of control.

But this very withdrawal fuels the anxious partner’s desperation, leading to more pursuit and pressure, which only makes the avoidant partner retreat further.

In doing so, they reinforce their own fear: closeness means losing myself, and I’ll never be safe in relationships.

Healing begins with self-awareness — recognising your own patterns rather than focusing on how the other person is behaving.

When you take responsibility for your part in the dynamic, you reclaim your power to change it. Instead of reacting from fear, you can learn to respond in ways that foster safety and connection, breaking the cycle and moving towards a more secure, fulfilling relationship.

PS. My signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment is turning THREE! 🎉 And to celebrate, I’m offering something I’ve NEVER done before… For a limited time, you’ll have the chance to join the course at the lowest price it’s EVER been since the very first launch three years ago. This exclusive offer is ONLY available to those on the VIP list.

Comment BIRTHDAY below, and I’ll send you the link to join the VIP list — you’ll be the first to know when the sale goes live (and trust me, you won’t want to miss this!) 🥳🤍

If you struggle with anxious attachment, social media can feel like a minefield. That can look like:

• Overanalysing your partner’s activity—who they follow, what they like, reading into every small interaction.
• Feeling anxious if they don’t post about you, worrying what it means.
• Comparing yourself to their exes or others they engage with online.
• Using social media to seek reassurance—whether that’s posting for validation or checking if they’ve watched your story.
• Feeling rejected if they’re online but haven’t replied to you yet.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The good news? You can break the pattern.

In Episode 177 of On Attachment, I dive deeper into how social media fuels anxious attachment and what to do about it.

And if you’re ready for real transformation, my Healing Anxious Attachment course will give you the tools to build security from within.

🎧 Listen to Episode 177 now on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.
🤍 Join Healing Anxious Attachment and start feeling more secure today (link in bio!).

A reminder that self-care is not perfecting about a 10-step morning skincare routine. It’s about taking great care of yourself, as you would anyone or anything else that you viewed as precious, important and worthy of your protection.