Full Potential

Self-regulation—the ability to manage emotions, thoughts, and behaviors—is key to kids' success in school 📚 and social life 🤝.

But lately, many parents, educators, and professionals are noticing a concerning trend: a decline in kids' ability to self-regulate.

So, what’s behind this shift, and how can we help kids rebuild these crucial skills?

🔹 Technology’s Impact – While screens offer many benefits, they also promote instant gratification, reducing kids’ ability to handle boredom or frustration without distractions.

🔹 Parenting Challenges – Modern parenting, often stretched thin, may rely on screens to keep kids occupied, limiting the development of patience and emotional resilience.

🔹 Cultural Shifts – Today’s focus on hyper-individualism and reduced communal play has cut down on essential social interactions that build emotional control.

🔹 Educational Changes – Schools increasingly prioritize academics over play, removing chances for kids to learn cooperation and resilience through free play and social interaction.

Understanding these factors can help us guide kids toward emotional intelligence and resilience! 🌱

For Parents and Teachers
School reluctance or refusal - What’ the difference?
Written by Dr Shirley K***t

Rachel Leslie, Annette Brömdal, Cris Townley and Glenys Oberg, writing for The Conversation, explain the difference between school reluctance and school refusal and give tips to help children cope.

School relucatance

Most children will show reluctance to attend school on occasion. This might be due to a stressful event, such as a test or a spat with a friend and is temporary. This is called ‘school reluctance’ and might be accompanied by complaints of a tummy ache, headache or clinginess. In response, parents can help by validating the child’s feelings, like saying ‘I can see you are worried about having to write the test today’.

When the child endures the stressful event, parents can reinforce motivation and confidence by expressing admiration for the child showing courage and ability.

School refusal

In other cases, when a child feels overwhelmed by stressors that make attending school threatening or impossible, they may show ‘school refusal’. This is clearly more serious and may be indicated by the following:

• spending significant portions of the school day in the office or sick bay
• extreme difficulty in getting ready in the morning, even with basic tasks such as dressing or making breakfast
• physical symptoms such as nausea or dizziness that worsen on school days, but may also be evident on weekends
• persistent absences from school, even with encouragement and support
• extreme emotional reactions—crying, anger or complete withdrawal—when school is mentioned.

School refusal is closely associated with social anxiety, separation anxiety and school anxiety. This anxiety can become overwhelming and trigger a child’s need to avoid the environment that is causing them emotional distress. This causes stress in families and can have negative impacts on a child’s academic progress, social skills and general well-being.

Supporting the child

If your child is refusing or can't go to school, they need empathy and support. You can try the following:

• seek professional help. A psychologist may help uncover and address the root causes of their distress
• work with the school. Talk to teachers and staff about accommodations such as flexible schedules or sensory breaks, and how else they may offer inclusive, affirming and supportive learning environments
• think outside the box. This can include prioritizing well-being over attendance. Consider a break from schooling or alternative forms of education, which may suit your family better
• seek support from other families. You are not alone—there are many other families who share this experience.

Integrated Learning Therapy (ILT) strives to uncover the root causes of puzzling behaviours and learning difficulties in children. Visit the website www.ilt.co.za to learn more about this approach.

We list practitioners near you to help as well as the accredited courses we offer parents, teachers and other helping professionals to become more knowledgeable about brain development and what might go wrong.

Teachers earn 15 TCPD points for successful completion of the course as well as credits from ETDP-SETA for further studies in Special Needs Education. Parents are also credited with ETDP-SETA and so ILT can be a pathway to further academic study.

ILT 1 courses are available as attendance or by correspondence. Details are on the website but you are welcome to contact us at ilt.icon.co.za.

Remember to Like and Share this post to receive more.

Provided by The Conversation

Image provided by Freepik

For Parents and Teachers
Is your pre-schooler being labelled as ‘ADHD’?
Written by Dr Shirley K***t

It’s come to my attention that quite a few very young boys are being described as ‘ADHD’ or hyperactive. They seem to be regarded as being overly ‘busy’, mainly by their preschool teachers. Are we forgetting that most young children are highly active, energetic and generally spend much time ‘on the move’? My long years of experience have shown that highly active young boys generally settle down as they grow, perform well at school and fail to develop any attention or other learning related problems.

So why are teachers sometimes labelling youngsters incorrectly? Perhaps we need to consider how they come to this decision and consider what other aspects may be contributing to the children’s inattentive behaviours.

A child who fails to concentrate in one situation is in danger of being seen as a child who can’t concentrate in any situation. If a child doesn’t sit still he is in danger of being called hyperactive. His parents might be panicked into believing hyperactivity and poor concentration are permanent conditions which will need specialist treatment, including medication.

Highly mobile youngsters may show a disinclination to sit down and engage in table tasks. Their preference will be for outdoor play, usually very physical. Or others may seem to dislike concentrating on teaching materials, rejecting colouring-in, crafts, puzzles and so on. They prefer any number of other games or activities that are enjoyed at home. Boys in particular need to be physically engaged and take much longer to adapt to more sedentary tasks. They may not want to concentrate on the teaching events, listen to stories sitting quietly in a circle, or follow the teacher’s instructions.

Check his concentration

You can check whether your child can concentrate by giving him something to do which he enjoys doing, and which takes concentration. If your child can pay attention to the activity for at least five minutes you will know he can concentrate (and sit still). It’s important to emphasise that if someone can concentrate in one situation, then the problem is not an inability to concentrate. If your child’s attention wanders before the five minutes have passed, maybe he does need your help. The nature of the help will depend on your assessment of the situation so let’s consider some relevant points.

1. Have realistic expectations. Some children seem to be able to concentrate better than others. If you compare one child to others, you may be unrealistic in terms of what he can and can’t do. Instead, compare what your child is doing this week with what he was doing last week; how he behaved when he went to bed last night; how he played with other children at school compared with how he plays with them at home. When you focus on your individual child and notice changes in his behaviour, it helps avoid becoming trapped into thinking that your child has a problem simply because he’s different from others.

2. Avoid using checklists. Checklists can convince you that your child has a serious problem because they can be so all inclusive that parents or teachers will find something on the list that applies to that child. They make you feel they are describing unusual behavior but often they are only describing things that every child will do sometimes. Checklists for ADHD can include the following questions:

• Does your child forget instructions?
• Does your child have a short temper?
• Does your child fidget?
• Does your child constantly ask questions?
• Does your child leave his bedroom untidy?
• Does your child produce messy work?
• Etc.

Doesn’t this look like a list of the stages that all children go through and outgrow?

3. Does your child know how to pay attention? Some children will seem to pay attention automatically. However, every child learns differently and for some, the ability to attend doesn’t come naturally. They need help in learning to concentrate and the good news is that concentration can be taught. For children to learn concentration, they must be given responsibility, must feel that their contribution to family life matters and must have the chance gradually to develop the skills everyone needs in order to be able to function successfully.

4. Does your child only pay attention when it suits him? The reason for this may be because what he should be doing is: too difficult, too boring, too tedious or not clearly understood. The child will simply try to get out of something he doesn’t want to do or feels incapable of doing. This avoidance behavior needs investigating and a good place to start is to find out whether or not he understands how to learn or how to approach the task given. If children are not expected to learn to do things at home, they may struggle to learn at school. Setting the dining table is a good example of an age-appropriate task that can be used to teach a young child to learn. It’s a simple everyday activity but it needs a system. While busy, your child will have to keep thinking until the job is done. Having chores to do at home are good learning opportunities that have unexpected spin-offs!

What to do?

If reports from school concern you, don’t ignore them but don’t overreact either. First do your own assessment of the situation and then, if need be, find a helping professional that will look holistically at the situation. While most of the younger boys suspected of having ‘ADHD’ will not need intervention, some might well benefit from help. Unusual behaviours can have many different causes – which is why ILT practitioners are taught to consider all possibilities. The website www.ilt.co.za contains more information and sources of help.

Image supplied by Freepik

For Parents and Teachers
Do your children fight all the time?
Written by Dr Shirley K***t

We tend to believe that siblings provide companionship for each other, and that only children are more lonely. The truth is that many parents find it difficult to handle the constant squabbling that takes place between brothers and sisters. Rachael Sharman, writing for The Conversation, discusses this sibling rivalry.

Sibling rivalry

In an everyday sense, bickering among siblings is a developmentally normal expectation. This allows children to work out differences among themselves, develop skills in negotiation, conflict resolution and emotional regulation.

When you look at it this way, squabbling can even be seen as a positive. Even if parents would prefer it didn't happen under their roof so often.

The good news is you can help your children work through conflicts, and in doing so, increase their empathy. If routine squabbling is stressing out your household, here are a few things to consider:

Are you playing favourites?

Children will quickly pick up on any indication you may be playing favourites and may act out negatively to get your attention back to them.

Be honest with yourself—are you paying more attention to one child because they are more similar to you, or share your interests or seeming to be in need of more attention? If that's the case, make an extra effort to be involved with all of your children equally.

Children are growing up

Children genuinely pass through different stages of development.

For example, a two-year-old can be very self-centred and may even hit, bite and scratch to get his or her way. Explaining firmly they are not allowed to do that to other people, and introducing the idea that their behaviour hurts others can help build empathy.
Children also take until they are about four to develop a "Theory of Mind" or the capacity to understand issues from another's perspective. So, it is important to take time to explain why their sibling is upset with them and ways in which they could resolve this conflict.

Is there a big age gap?

If your children have a larger age gap, consider just how different their interests and developmental capacity truly might be.
Asking a teenage child to "hang out" (or in reality, babysit) a younger sibling and thinking this will foster a friendship between them may be unfair and lead to tensions.

You also need to explain to younger children why a teenage sibling is allowed to do x, y and z but they can't (or else this will seem unfair and possibly lead to resentment).

Are the siblings very different?

Also consider that people can be genuinely differ in terms of personality or temperament. For some siblings, trying to live with someone who is so fundamentally different to them (and they would never willingly choose as a friend) is a real challenge.
Occasionally a highly introverted family finds themselves with a tap-dancing, attention-seeking extrovert, whom they find reckless and exhausting. Similarly, a rowdy hyperactive mob gets thrown a nerdy introvert who they find boring and weird.

Sometimes you just need to accept that your children aren't going to grow up to be best friends, they are too different, and that's OK.

Have a plan

When kids are thrown together for longer periods than usual, have a plan.

Try to arrange activities that are fun for the whole family, as well as some things they can do on their own if they need a break from one another. This may include arts or craft, gardening, practicing sports skills, or visiting friends and family.

Encourage children to talk

When conflicts arise, you really can help children by supporting them to express themselves and say why they're upset, then have a balanced discussion about what might be a reasonable solution.

Discuss why conflict might be occurring—perhaps they have differences in temperament, interests and age-related abilities. This will really help children of all ages build social understanding.

If you're dealing with highly emotional or aggressive behaviour, resist the urge to launch into a big negotiation straight away. Keep kids separate for a bit and engaged in a calming activity such as reading, Lego or outdoor play.

Once the dust has settled, then you can come back and talk about it calmly.

The silver lining

Sibling rivalry and squabbling are common. But they can be made worse by parents stretching themselves too thin, not paying attention to their kids, or playing favourites.

Similarly, rivalries can be inflamed by genuine incompatibilities between children and developmental differences.

Try to remember this is your kids' first go of figuring out how to get along with others. Squabbling is annoying but it is also an opportunity to teach them empathy and social skills that will benefit them outside the family as well as within.

Integrated Learning Therapy (ILT) strives to uncover the root causes of puzzling behaviours and learning difficulties in children. Visit the website www.ilt.co.za to learn more about this approach.

We list practitioners near you to help as well as the accredited courses we offer parents, teachers and other helping professionals to become more knowledgeable about brain development and what might go wrong.

Teachers earn 15 TCPD points for successful completion of the course as well as credits from ETDP-SETA for further studies in Special Needs Education. Parents are also credited with ETDP-SETA and so ILT can be a pathway to further academic study.

ILT 1 courses are available as attendance or by correspondence. Details are on the website but you are welcome to contact us at ilt.icon.co.za.

Remember to Like and Share this post to receive more.

Provided by The Conversation
Image provided by Freepik.

For Parents and Teachers
Helping your child make friends
Written by Dr Shirley K***t

Many children face changes at the beginning of a new year. If they are starting at a new school, or changing classes at their previous one, it means that they may be faced by the challenge of making new friends.

Is it important to have friends?

The simple answer is yes! Cretchen Geng and Phillip Slee are involved in researching young people's well-being and guiding schools on how to talk about mental health. They confirm that having good, lasting friendships is very important for children's health, development and well-being.

Some children find it harder to make friends than others. If your child is shy or introverted they may find it hard to meet new people.

They need to know that it is OK not to be friends with everyone. They don't have to make ten best friends all at once! Making friends takes time and even just one or two good friends can make a big difference.

To break the ice, encourage simple actions such as saying "hello" or offering a compliment: "That's a cool backpack," or “I like your watch.”

Help your child find activities to do with other children that they enjoy. These doesn’t have to involve formal sports but can be playing a game, doing a craft, dancing or reading. Tell them how it's possible to be friends with lots of different kinds of people.

Talk about the importance of friendship

Glen and Slee write that research shows it's important for parents to offer encouragement and guidance about friendships. This can lead to better quality friendships (how well friends get along) as children grow up.

Parents can start to talk to their child about the importance of friendships from a young age. Some questions parents could ask include "Who did you play with today?" "What did you like about playing with them?" and "What games did you play."

Parents can also start conversations about the value of friends and friendship. For example, parents could ask their child about the importance of sharing with friends ("it actually feels great to share and make your friends happy").

Encourage your child to talk

Over time, children's concept of friendships changes. Younger children view friends as somebody you can play with, while older children see friends as people they can trust and can share emotions and thoughts with.

Research shows that parents can also help this transition with advice and encouragement. Encourage your child to express their feelings and talk about what happens at school, so you can work through any issues or tricky things together.

This does not have to be a formal talk. You could chat while you are doing something else—like drawing, playing chess or throwing a ball.

To create a safe space for your child to freely express their feelings and emotions, avoid being judgmental or critical. Instead, ask questions, like "if you do it again, will you do it differently?" or "was that a kind decision?"

Encourage active listening

You can also encourage your child to be a good and supportive friend.

One way to do this is by being an active listener. This is about understanding what someone is saying (and possibly taking action because of it), not simply "hearing" what is said.
You can suggest your child takes a deep breath and lets the other child finish what they are trying to say, instead of interrupting and talking over people.

Active listening is a skill parents can practice with their child. Make a game and have fun doing it. Try it in the car, over the dinner table or in another informal setting.

Integrated Learning Therapy (ILT) strives to uncover the root causes of puzzling behaviours and learning difficulties in children. Visit the website www.ilt.co.za to learn more about this approach.

We list practitioners near you to help as well as the accredited courses we offer parents, teachers and other helping professionals to become more knowledgeable about brain development and what might go wrong.

Teachers earn 15 TCPD points for successful completion of the course as well as credits from ETDP-SETA for further studies in Special Needs Education. Parents are also credited with ETDP-SETA and so ILT can be a pathway to further academic study.

ILT 1 courses are available as attendance or by correspondence. Details are on the website but you are welcome to contact us at ilt.icon.co.za.

Remember to Like and Share this post to receive more.

Provided by The Conversation
Image provided by Freepik

For parents and teachers
What books are best for a growing vocabulary?
Written by Dr Shirley K***t

In summary, less is more when it comes to helping young children learn new vocabulary.

Most books today are flooded with colourful pictures. The reason for this is to entice adults to buy the books. However,a recent study by psychologists at the University of Sussex shows that having more than one illustration per page results in poorer word learning among pre-schoolers.

The findings, published in Infant and Child Development, present a simple solution to parents and nursery teachers for some of the challenges of pre-school education and could help in the development of learning materials for young children.

Researcher Zoe Flack said: "Luckily, children like hearing stories, and adults like reading them to children. But children who are too young to read themselves don't know where to look because they are not following the text. This has a dramatic impact on how well they learn new words from stories."

The researchers read storybooks to three-year-olds with one illustration at a time (the right-hand page was illustrated, the left-hand page was blank) or with two illustrations at a time (both pages had illustrations), with illustrations introducing the child to new objects that were named on the page.

They found that children who were read stories with only one illustration at a time learned twice as many words as children who were read stories with two or more illustrations.
In a follow-up experiment, researchers added a simple hand swipe gesture to guide the children to look at the correct illustration before the page was read to them. They found this gesture was effective in helping children to learn words when they saw two illustrations across the page.

Zoe, who has written a blog post about the research, said: "This suggests that simply guiding children's attention to the correct page helps them focus on the right illustrations, and this in turn might help them concentrate on the new words.

"Our findings fit well with Cognitive Load Theory, which suggests that learning rates are affected by how complicated a task is. In this case, by giving children less information at once, or guiding them to the correct information, we can help children learn more words."

Co-author Dr Jessica Horst, said: "Other studies have shown that adding 'bells and whistles' to storybooks like flaps to lift and anthropomorphic animals decreases learning. But this is the first study to examine how decreasing the number of illustrations increases children's word learning from storybooks."

She added: "This study also has important implications for the e-Book industry. Studies on the usefulness of teaching vocabulary from e-Books are mixed, but our study suggests one explanation is that many studies with e-Books are only presenting one illustration at a time."

The study is one of many being carried out at Sussex in The WORD Lab, a research group that focuses on how children learn and acquire language. Previous research has shown children learn more words from hearing the same stories repeated and from hearing stories at nap time.

Integrated Learning Therapy (ILT) strives to help children realise their potential and to uncover the causes of learning difficulties and puzzling behaviour. Visit our website www.ilt.co.za to find out more about this approach. We list practitioners available around the country to offer help to struggling children. We also offer accredited courses for teachers and parents to help empower with knowledge of how the brain develops, what is needed for efficient learning and what to do when things go wrong. Teachers can earn CPD points and get credits with SAQA for further qualifications for successfully completing our courses.

We continue to honour our promise to offer the ILT 1 correspondence course at a 25% discount as long as Lockdown lasts. You are welcome to get further details at info.ilt.co.za.

The Role of The Listening Program® in the Development of Speech & Language in Children - Advanced Brain Technologies Use of The Listening Program® (TLP) can be one of these effective evidence-based tools to help children achieve speech and language developmental milestones, in addition to helping children experience success with their communication goals when speech and/ or language, voice or fluency disorders ha...

What is the best treatment for attention problems?

So many parents are being told that their children have concentration problems, can’t focus or show limited attention span. Along with these descriptors, they hear that their child daydreams, fails to complete tasks, loses things, fidgets excessively and so on.

Seeking medical help usually results in a prescription for a stimulant drug, such as Ritalin, Concerta and Strattera. We do know that behaviour can be changed using certain drugs. On Ritalin, for example, children are better able to pay attention, stay on task and sit still but the results are temporary; only with repeated dosages and sustained-release tablets will the benefits last all day. Increasing the dosage over time brings risk of potential side effects even if these don’t show immediately and prolonged use should be discouraged because of uncertainty about long-term effects. In addition, the drugs don’t address the basic problem. They may make children easier to manage but don’t make them smarter or happier. Children don’t learn any better when on medication – in fact, their work may show a lack of thought and originality. They help the children get through the day in a mechanistic way but don’t make them better prepared for tomorrow. Unfortunately, the drugs are often used alone, with no on-going programme to help the child in other ways. In short, they may be the quickest and easiest ‘solution’ for children with attention problems but they aren’t the best.

The reason is that drugs don’t affect the underlying problems. Behavioural problems and inattentiveness are symptoms of other problems and the answer isn’t to be found in medication. Let’s have a look at some case studies:

Little Anna was the smallest child in class and came across as being quiet, withdrawn and easily distracted. She stares at other children and plays nervously with her crayons and books. When evaluated for neurodevelopmental delays, she showed that her stress levels were very high. She had some early developing irregularities that interfered with her brain’s ability to cope with the sights and sounds in the world. She was simply overwhelmed by what she perceived as ‘threats’ from her environment. Once these were addressed, her stress levels dropped and she became more responsive.

John never sits still. His constant activity often makes him a nuisance in class and at home. Under investigation, ILT found that due to hitches during his birth and early development, he had mixed dominance, and had failed to develop left-right preference because he hadn’t integrated the two sides of his body. He also hadn’t developed the foundational systems needed for efficient motor functioning and stable posture. As these were addressed, he became better able to keep his body still and use it in developmentally healthy movement activities that he could not master before. This led to his behaviour becoming less annoying, increased ability to make friends and improvements in classroom learning.

Kevin is a daydreamer. He often stares out a window or at the television screen. He is slow to complete his work. He is clumsy and often drops things. He has allergies and is often ill with sinusitis and colds. An ILT evaluation showed that his body didn’t work automatically. He was using his mind to run his body so the brain’s higher levels, supposed to be used in learning and daily coping, were not available for cognitive functioning. It would have been so easy for Kevin to slip through the cracks without achieving his potential. A programme to help underdeveloped brain areas brought about noticeable improvements in his schoolwork and physical coordination.

Little Sam was asked to leave his nursery school because his ‘violent’ behaviour and tantrums became too much to manage. A full neurodevelopmental evaluation by ILT showed no irregularities in development or sensory-motor system functioning. What was suspected was a sensitivity to food colourants and preservatives. On a trial basis following this suspicion, Sam’s family excluded any foods containing these additives and Sam almost immediately became calmer, eventually returning to his school as a happy, friendly little boy.

So drugs aren’t the answer to behavioural problems or inattentiveness. Instead, these children need a comprehensive evaluation followed by an individualized programme that corrects identified areas of irregular functioning.

Interestingly, an ILT associate ran a programme with a group of over 50 children, all diagnosed with ADHD. They were given daily certain sensory-motor stimulation and other movement activities designed to recreate the movement patterns that function to develop the brain in the early years. About half these children were on Ritalin when they started the programme. All were taken off Ritalin from three to six months later with no need to be put back on Ritalin or other behaviour-modifying medication. For all children, the results showed the elimination of behaviour problems, better school results and dramatically improved coordination. Social skills improved significantly as well but most importantly, the children were clearly happier.

Correcting behavioural and learning problems isn’t easy. Effective intervention needs a holistic approach that reaches to the problems in the background and provides a supportive, encouraging environment. For this reason, ILT is practiced in the family – no weekly visits to a therapist but ‘quality time’ spent in movements in which one or both parents can be involved. The rewards are immeasurable. There is nothing better than watching a child who begins to feel good from the inside out!

Integrated Learning Therapy (ILT) unravels the underlying causes of puzzling learning and behaviour difficulties. Learn more about this approach on the website www.ilt.co.za. You will also see what SACE accredited courses we offer teachers and parents and find practitioners near you to offer help.