Cultivate Your Genius

LIFE LESSON 91:

Another simple question to ask but might not be so simple to answer is, “would I recommend myself as a role model for my kids?”

Your children are definitely going to look up to you one way or another, and they’ll be influenced by who you are whether as a present or absent parent; there’s no greater responsibility than being a mother or father. I recommend you never take this matter lightly.

Getting married is a life time commitment and so is having kids… We put so much emphasis on the wedding and yet this celebration you look forward to plays a minor role (as important as it is, we inconvenience ourselves greatly for something so small in the grand scheme of things) in determining what a successful marriage is.

Having kids is easy, but being a good parent is a full time job. The act of reproduction we love to engage in, even when we know we are still very irresponsible is highly risky, from abortions to motherless or fatherless homes… Imagine a few seconds or minutes of pleasure can easily lead to ruining the upbringing of an innocent soul… and then we wonder where all these so called “generational curses” come from?

Are we agents of order or chaos? Are we building or destroying homes? Beginning with our own… I am not standing on any moral high ground, but I now understand this temple I own is my home… and that the Kingdom of Heaven or Hell is where I choose to belong, through the actions I take and the decisions I make, consequences shall follow, and judgement shall be passed regardless of ignorance; whether you are acting from a place where you know or you don’t know.

P.S I too am guilty of sin, but I am working everyday to redeem myself… As lost as you might think you are, and whatever wrongs you have done… It’s not too late to change your ways, it’s simply one right decision at a time…

It won’t be easy but the freedom of right living will give you more glory and grace (and you’ll attract more people of such nature) than the pleasure seeking your flesh desires, which will keep you in bo***ge with your trauma, emotional imbalance, bad habits and engaged in sin.

It’s either heaven or hell, which place would you rather be… both are as a result of what you are choosing to build for yourself. Keep in mind what you do doesn’t just affect you, it goes beyond even your family and friends, it affects everybody else too.

The whole human race is one family, don’t let anyone lie to you… “The betterment of one individual is the betterment of the whole, likewise the detriment of one individual is the detriment of the whole”… Hate it or love it, we are all individually responsible for this world.

LIFE LESSON 90:

What if “Zambian time” meant you were always on time?

What if all countries/nations are in a race for development and we continue to show up late, do you think we will ever catch up or forever lag behind?

The early bird catches the fattest worm, or so they say… late comers eat bones, or is it left-overs… “Chimbala!” There’s a huge difference between a Hot plate and one that is cold.

How are we comfortable with never being on time? Or are we being fashionably late? As if we are attending a celebrity’s party, since when did life become such a casual event?

Yet majority of us have less than a ngwee in our empty wallets, purses and pockets. Others have gotten used to the sounds of coins, I guess we can pretend those are Jingle bells, and Santa Claus will answer all our wishes if only we behave.

Maybe we are too cool to care! Maybe poverty is a diet and if we take things a little more seriously we are afraid that we will gain weight, like our only two choices are being obese or being malnourished.

Should I continue to vent or have you gotten my point yet?

You cannot win the race of life if you are behind time, but look around and see that most people fail to simply win the day. Forget about life, how the hell do you expect to win the year?

2026 is coming, New Year’s resolutions will be made… and set expectations just like this year of 2025 will remain unmet, but the same people who show up late have the audacity to be bitter and complain.

You want to eat your cake and have it too, smh! Such a shame!

Yes we do have a microwave but Zesco has done its thing… The genset doesn’t work, buying fuel feels like flashing money down the toilet, and I am really sorry but you are just going to have to eat your cold plate.

Once again… We are glad you could join us, Thank you for being late!

LIFE LESSON 89:

I used to carry a lot of guilt with me for what I did in the past, and it got in the way of the opportunities that were made available to me because I thought I wasn’t deserving or good enough.

I allowed the people who were hurt by my actions to keep reinforcing an identity I was not proud of, and every time I made a mistake they would remind me of the wrongs I did before.

I wasn’t aware of it at that point but the more I studied human psychology, I begun to understand how even our loved ones, usually with good but misguided intentions, can discourage us from changing by always reminding us of all the wrongs we have done.

Before you know it, you feel trapped! Guilt is a heavy burden to carry… and it can imprison you both in your body and mind.

“Is this who I am? Do I ruin everything that I touch? Am I worthy of forgiveness after all I have done? Am I even worthy of love?”

These questions ran through my mind and before I knew it, whenever anything started to go right or feel good, I would self-sabotage. This became a cycle that went on for a very long time until I had had enough.

I came to learn that it was me who was giving permission to those around me to define who I am, from all the guilt I had not forgiven myself for because honestly I actually didn’t know how to love myself.

Self-love is a skill, do not be fooled, we are not born with it, it is something you develop. As you grow up you need to learn and hopefully the people raising you have the right tools to teach you how to love yourself; through their own behaviors (inclusive of how they treat you) and the lessons they give you.

Unfortunately a lot of parents have children before they have healed from their emotional wounds (most are not even aware that they have them), and more trauma is built as it is passed on to the next generation. It’s human nature to normalize that which we have become accustomed to. Which is why others associate love with abuse, oddly enough.

You cannot expect someone who doesn’t know how to love themselves properly to teach you how to love you, and this is not to pass blame to the parents, it’s simply to make you aware that they were most probably not equipped with the tools or taught how to properly love themselves too. Never forget that your parents were also children at some point.

I was brought up to believe I am only worthy of love if I achieve good grades and attain success in relation to the expectations other people had of me… Till this day I still have my doubts about unconditional love, whether it is true or if it even exists.

The conditional love I became accustomed to was attached to success and performance. When I began to deal with failure in my life, it became a horrible situation and I did terribly at handling it to say the least. I was not aware of this at the time but I had learnt to attach my failures to my identity.

At first I was in denial, then before I knew it, I started to see my behavior worsen, and I clearly remember that I always felt like I had to work at being loved even in my romantic relationships and friendships. I found it suspect whenever somebody claimed to love me when I hadn’t done anything for them, how can that be?

This has happened to me many times growing up, and I have seen it happen to others as well… A parent or someone who is supposed to love and care for you calling you all sorts of degrading names on top of their voice such as “Foolish Child! You Idiot! Are you Stupid? Do you even think?”

When you believe this behavior is normal because of something you did, even if it was your fault, doesn’t stop it from being wrong.

Who you are is not what you do? As closely related as these two things are, just because you did something foolish, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are a fool (unless you make a habit out of it, well… then… I have another story for you… I will serve it for another time but just know I won’t be able to defend you).

Distinguish between who somebody is and what they do, and you’ll immediately realize it’s not the offender that you hate, it’s the offence; it’s the activity they were engaged in that has triggered your rage or disappointment. And the closer they are to you, the more the offence stings or hurts.

Failure is an error in judgement, it is not who you are or who someone else is, it is simply an opportunity to learn from, as long as we don’t quit.

Next time you find yourself speaking to anyone, more especially a child, before you criticize, scold or shout at them, make sure you let them know that it is not them you do not like or hate, it’s the act they did that you have a problem with, and tell them why that act makes you so mad, so that they can understand and hopefully they do not do it again.

My major concern, is that after you have corrected them or made them know your stance, they do not leave with their identity attached to that act or your criticism of them. Instead of them thinking “I am foolish”, they should just know that “I did a foolish thing that upset my parent, teacher, guardian or whoever it is”.

What is foolish is not who they are but what they did and that’s it.

I share all this to emphasize the following. You are not your past, quit punishing yourself for the things you’ve done. Forgive yourself first, even if others stay mad at you. It’s your responsibility to apologize to those you have wronged, but it’s not your responsibility for them to forgive you (this is out of your control).

If they person you offended doesn’t forgive you, are you going to forever live in guilt?

Choose to learn from your mistakes, regardless of how many you’ve made. Don’t let those who haven’t gotten over it hold you to an identity that is hurting you or is not aligned with the person you want to become.

After you apologise, if not forgiven, move on. If they continue to bring it up, ignore or walk away from them if you can.

The only way to redeem yourself is by constantly and consistently making better decisions right now, and that’s how you rewrite your history.

It won’t be long should you decide to do this, before you are proud of and in love with the person you’ve become; and I suggest you primarily do this for yourself.

Most of us want to be loved before we have even learnt to love ourselves, and if those who we want to love us fail to do so, we sink into that bottomless hole of always feeling like we are never good enough. This is a recipe for disaster because it affects how we then choose to treat ourselves.

It’s sad that most people will remain stuck in their ways not because that’s what they want, but because everyone around them reminds them of the mistakes they’ve made in their past.

Let it go, if you can let those people go as well, you might find out that you do not need them anymore… and if you are the culprit who intends on reminding people of their past mistakes without constructive criticism, of which plenty of us are guilty for, please stop!

Help those who want to change, be patient with them and give them room to fail. When the fall, show them a better way or encourage them to try again… but also don’t bother yourself if they don’t desire it for themselves, that’s just frustrating and not worth the stress.

Let go of your past mistakes and shed whatever identity you no longer want to possess. Every day is a blank page, feel free to start again and write or rewrite a new story to your life. It’s all simply up to the decisions you make.

After graduating Secondary School, you are no longer a “sugo”, and my word, how easy it is to think you have finally grown. It appears as if you have all the time in the world, but trust me, 30 will soon be knocking at your door.

Young people can’t wait to grow up, and many adults try all sorts of things to remain as the song sings “forever young”.

Nowadays the familiar saying is “adulting is a scam”… If you are still young, please quit rushing to grow up, you will soon find out.

My major concern has very little to do with your age, that is totally out of your control… Although how we take care of ourselves highly determines however it is we will grow; either you age gracefully or you end up looking older than your age (which for most adults this isn’t a compliment), keep in mind that genetics also play a role.

I think society has done a poor job at preparing young men and women for the freedom that is presented to them at this critical phase of life.

When you are in High School or Secondary School, structure is provided and discipline is imposed on you… whilst in College or University or the so called “real world”, people are at liberty to do as they wish; regardless of whether the activities they are engaged in are productive or not.

⚠️ • Due to lack of STRUCTURE and SELF-DISCIPLINE, most people in this transitioning phase end up engaging in HARMFUL BEHAVIORS such as:

🍻 Excessive partying
💊 Substance abuse
🔞 Reckless sexual activity
⌛ Time for productivity wasted on entertainment
🌐 Internet addiction (social media, gaming, gambling, po*******hy etc…)

Many will fall prey to these TEMPTATIONS putting them at RISK of losing out on this great OPPORTUNITY to grow and develop.

💔 • All ADULTS who have gone through this stage have WITNESSED or EXPERIENCED this for themselves and are aware of the DAMAGES such freedom without responsibility can cause—to the extent of being FATAL... Others literally lose their LIVES, and sadly, the overwhelming majority lose their WAY.

As a young man or woman, if this resonates with you and you don’t want to become a living example of what people shouldn’t do, I highly suggest and recommend you use this freedom you now possess to do the following:

BUILD GOOD HABITS:

1. Learn how to learn ¬

Study, read, write, teach others, seek guidance where you don’t understand, and challenge yourself to reveal the gaps you have in your knowledge and fill them.

2. Go the extra mile

Do more work than is required or expected of you

3. Always be punctual ¬¬

“Zambian time” is not cute, it’s a terrible habit, I encourage you to discard it… they say “better late than never, but NEVER LATE IS BETTER”… Be early, be reliable and be productive; this will open up many doors for you, whilst the opposite makes you untrustworthy…

4. Exercise and Eat right

Try your best to eat as healthy as you can ¬– pick a sport, join a gym or fitness group, jog, pump iron, do yoga or body workouts from home, just find something fun that will keep you physically active… your body & mind will thank you for it as you get older.

5. Live Below your means ¬

Spend less than you get or earn and make SAVINGS a game you play. The earlier you start, the quicker you can grow your money account no matter how small the amounts you put away. Just be consistent and think long term, think in terms of decades if you can.

6. Be honest, humble and transparent ¬

Admit your wrongs, swallow your pride and apologise. Don’t pretend to know when you don’t; asking for help is not a weakness, it’s an act of courage.

7. Be Disciplined and Accountable

Keep your word, do what you say and say what you do, and whenever you are unable to meet the expectations you’ve set, let all interested parties know in good time and don’t wait for them to come to you.

8. Be kind, Generous and Grateful ¬

Treat others with respect, lend a helping hand where you can and contribute to a cause that is dear to your heart.

Be thankful and appreciate your family, friends, opportunities, blessings, pains and even losses (for the wisdom you gain from them).

These simple and yet not always easy acts make you a good person and feed not only your soul but your spirit. They don’t take much but they have great returns, invest in them in whatever way you can.

9. Have Boundaries and Protect them

Stand up for yourself and do not allow people to treat you in any way that you find disrespectful. Whatever you tolerate shall persist, and this will make others walk all over you.

Clearly communicate what you are against and what you will not tolerate, and those who do NOT listen, deny them access to your presence. Your time, energy and space are your most prized possessions, protect them with your life.

DEVELOP VALUABLE SKILLS:

1. Financial Management

Budgeting, Accounting, and Investments… Understand your cash flow: know how much you have, where your money is going, and how well you are doing at managing it… “Every dollar counts, if you take care of the pennies, the pounds will take care of themselves”.

Learn as much as you can about money especially from those who have plenty of it. Learn how to make it, spend it and grow it; be it through business, entrepreneurship or investments.

Don’t let someone fool you into thinking you don’t need money or you are too young to concern yourself with it, it’s a great source of independence if you use it wisely.

2. Sells and Communication

We are all in sells regardless of what you do, whether it’s providing a product or service, or selling yourself such as in dating, networking or interviews… and how well you are able to communicate plays a major role in both your personal and professional relationships.

No matter how great of an idea you have, if you can’t sell or communicate it, no one will buy it or be interested.

3. Negotiating

Understanding value and creating win-win situations is how you build good will and maintain long term relationships, also train your eye for a bargain and a bad deal, be comfortable to walk away and say NO without any explanation when it’s called for, watch out for crooks and cons for the art of persuasion is a skill that can be used both for you and against you.

4. Emotional and Social Intelligence

Understand your emotions and those of others, practice soothing and motivating yourself whenever the need arises, manage and tactically navigating interpersonal relationships by observing and comprehending people’s temperaments, personalities, mood swings and body languages.

This skill set will improve your chances of creating and maintaining a spirit of harmony and co-operation with others which is a major character trait for great Leadership.

5. Time and Energy Management

Effectively and efficiently manage your time and energy (get your priorities straight and in order). Have a weekly structure and routine that shows you what activities are most important and when you intend to do them, whilst incorporating time for rest, play, family, friends and whatever else is important to you.

Knowing when to do what and what to do when is highly important and is the major key to being productive and successful. How you Choose to Use and Invest your TIME and ENERGY is how you Decide to Spend and Create your LIFE.


DEVELOP HEALTHY PRODUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS:

“You are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with”… Whether this is true or not, I don’t know, but I can state this for a fact, who you associate with often affects your behavior and mindset.

If you are interested in developing, empowering and mastering yourself, the best people to be friend are those who share the same values and aspirations as you do. “Birds of a feather, flock together”

We are biologically wired to desire to fit in, and for better or worse, we have mirror neurons which are a learning mechanism that allows us to mimic the behavior of those within close proximity or the company we keep, “monkey see, monkey do” hence why people in certain groups tend to talk, walk, dress and act similar if not the same.

Our social circles are where we get most of our information, invitations, influences and opportunities from. If you want to learn how rich people behave, spend time with them, the same goes for smart people, broke people, holy people or whichever group of individuals inspires you the most.

Wanting to be perceived as cool, is overrated and highly tempting, it turns a lot of people into fools because they get applauded and rewarded with short term pleasures for the stupid things they do. Beware of this trap, I have fallen in it many times before and I must admit, as fun as it was, it cost me more than I was willing to pay, but I had to pay the cost either way… Life never loses its receipts.

One of the best things you can ever do is be authentic and keep your integrity intact, you’ll be amazed how cool it is to just be you, you can experiment and explore but remain true to who you really are (this is abstract and not the easiest of things to do, it’s actually very hard). Most people are just chasing clout and performing in a circus for their fellow clowns.

I encourage you to associate with those who have a growth mindset. People who know where they are, why they are there, and where they are going, and are consciously and consistently making progress in that direction.

People who are challenging themselves will challenge you, and make friends with people who have high standards and also want the best for you. Even when seeking an intimate partner, be picky and patient and make sure they are a constructive contributor to your life and not a destructive force that can easily ruin you.

Measure people less by their looks and more by their character through the patterns of behavior they possess, especially during tough and challenging times, it’s easy to be on your best behavior when things are going good. Struggles and hardships reveal people for who they truly are…

Don’t rush to be in an intimate relationship, build friendships and let people earn your trust, remain very observant to those you keep close especially the ones you like, they have the capacity to do the most damage… Remember it is not your enemies but your closest friends who get to the opportunity to stab you in the back.

I say this not to instill fear but to make you cautious of your choices. One bad decision can drastically change the trajectory of your life, like being knocked up by or impregnating someone you can’t stand and now they become a permanent fixture in your life.

I know this post is very long, and if you’ve gotten this far, then good, just maybe you are the one this post is meant for, because I can promise you, majority won’t read this far, and the few that do, won’t implement the things that I am suggesting, and maybe just one out of all of you, will take advantage of this information, and in the next 10 years you will be the one your peers look up to as they approach their late twenties or enter their early thirties.

P.S the older you get, the harder it is to change your ways. Few manage to attain being young, healthy, happy, fulfilled and rich. Many who make money, get it in thier old age when they have no energy to enjoy it, and many waste their time and energy when they have no money in their twenties doing foolish and unproductive things; I am speaking from experience because I was one of them.

In the words of Naval Ravikant “When you’re young, you have time. You have health, but you have no money. When you’re middle-aged, you have money and you have health, but you have no time. When you’re old, you have money and you have time, but you have no health. So the trifecta is trying to get all three at once. By the time most people realize they have enough money, they’ve lost their time and their health.

Everyone pays a price. What price are you willing to pay for the life you want to live?… and by the way, this doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, you just need to do it responsibly and not recklessly like most of your peers will.

Having good habits, valuable skills and healthy productive relationships will serve you for the rest of your life… The earlier you start, the easier it will be to get these things and the earlier the return on investment will come through the achievement of your goals and dreams.

You can get to really enjoy your life whilst you are still young, healthy, energetic and have attained financial freedom with a group of friends that you love, adore and trust whilst being a benevolent contributor to your family and community… Now that’s a great life to live! Don’t you agree?

LIFE LESSON 87:

If you don't try, you'll never know, if you don't do, you'll never learn. What ifs and what could have been, weighs and hurts more than whatever failure you might face today.

Every day, wake up and give life your best shot, as far as you know, this life is all you've got!

“We regret the things we do much less than the things we don't”- Mark Twain

“The opportunities we missed and the chances we didn't take can cause more lasting regret than the mistakes or negative consequences of our actions”…

You are going to die anyway… This inescapable truth should not make you afraid as it does with most people, it should instead give you the courage to dare to live your life on your own terms... as best as you can.

So what if you fail, get back up and try again. Continue to learn from your mistakes until you figure out what works… The more attempts you make, the better your aim gets, and that’s how we learn everything.

“Success isn't guaranteed but the struggle is”… Now figure it out for yourself, truly! What is it or what are the things worth struggling for?

Accurately answering this question is what makes the journey of life meaningful.

When there exists a deep sense of meaning and purpose in your struggle, you can find joy and gratitude in the challenges and hardships of life, for as long as you consistently make progress towards your goals and realize growth, you will no longer need success to create or have something beautiful.

It is worth noting, that many, both fail and succeed, at what they don’t want… and if success isn’t guaranteed, aren’t you better off struggling for that which you truly desire to achieve?

Or will you play it safe, chasing the illusion of certainty whilst sacrificing and risking your dreams, forgetting that apart from death, struggle and pain, life has no guarantees.

The promise of life after death is not guaranteed either, but this very present moment is. If you are not going to live your life as you wish, or at the very least attempt to, then what the hell are you doing with it?

LIFE LESSON 86:

Some books are keys—they unlock chambers of your heart you didn’t even know existed.

The best books to read are the ones that speak to your spirit (the most naked parts of you without judgement or shame or posturing; there’s no validation or obligation to seek acceptance)… it’s like having an intimate conversation with a friend who wants nothing but the best for you; and that friend just happens to be yourself.

When you read a book that “speaks to your soul” (in a language you actually understand; with clarity and appreciation), it will reveal you to yourself.

It’s funny how reading such a book a hundred times will probably do more good for you than reading a hundred different books once. Re-reading a book that speaks to you isn’t repetition—it’s revelation. Each time, you meet a wiser version of yourself.

A book that understands you is a rare friend; such a precious gift.

These are the books that don’t just sit on your shelf… they live in your bones. They mirror your spirit, they undress your soul. Which ones have you come across that live in yours? 💫

LIFE LESSON 85:

Ever argued a point only to later realize that you were mistaken? It happens to the best of us. Who hasn’t been here before? Doubling down on a belief or opinion even when the facts say otherwise. People at times hold on to lies even when they are clearly proven to be wrong?

Mark Twain once said, "It's easier to fool someone than it is to convince them that they've been fooled." And he was right. Our brains fight hard to protect our egos and pride. We find ourselves clinging on to familiar ideas whilst dismissing uncomfortable truths, and here are the most common reasons why:

❌ People fear looking foolish more than they value the truth.
❌ People confuse beliefs and opinions with identity (being proven wrong taken as a personal attack).
❌ People often prefer to listen to sources that confirm their biases. (Reinforcing their opinions and beliefs without questioning their validity)

These stances dull our senses in terms of thinking critically. Without the wisdom to be open to correction, we end up with errors in our judgement that could have easily been avoided and now we have to deal with the consequences of both our ignorance and arrogance.

Here are a few suggestions on how to Break Free from theses tendencies whilst sharpening our ability to think smarter and more critically:
1️⃣ Pause Before Defending a Belief or an opinion – Ask: "Could I be missing something?"
2️⃣ Seek Discomfort – Converse with people who respectfully challenge you.
3️⃣ Thank People Who Correct You – They’re helping you grow, not hurting you.
4️⃣ Play Devil’s Advocate – Try arguing the opposite side of what you think to be true.
5️⃣ Use the "5 Whys" Rule – Ask "Why do I believe this?" five times to find weak spots.
6️⃣ If unsure, state so, do not argue just to win – Research before doubling down.
7️⃣ Be Open and Allow Yourself to Change Your Mind – It’s a sign of strength, not weakness.

A Challenge for You:
Next time someone corrects you, say: "Interesting—tell me more." See how it changes the conversation.

💬 Drop a 100% if you’ve ever changed your mind on something big!

Let’s normalize growth over ego… and if you have time to share, is there any belief or opinion you strongly held on to that you’ve recently changed? If the answer is yes, how has this change helped you? Kindly comment below.