Cornelius van Niekerk Life Coaching

See where you are

Once you have made the decision to change your life for the better, you need to start with what you’ve got. Now is the time to take action.

Although you would never admit to “asking” for the lack of money that you have, or the fact that you don’t have the nice things you see other people having, the fact that you think about how you don’t have enough of this or that, or how you feel a negative emotion every time you see someone else enjoying the things you want means you are focusing on the lack of things in life.

Beliefs like: “Life is tough”, “work hard for a long time before you can get what you want”. These thoughts are the way your focus is intensified. Even though you don’t ask for something, if you think about scarcity, your attention brings you more of that.

This is not to show you how bad life can be, that you get all these unwanted things just because you think about them, but to show you how good life can be, once you start focusing on the things that bring you joy, that lift you up.

Instead of just shrugging your shoulders and saying “that’s life” with a mild acceptance of the mediocre, you can actually get what you want, if you go about it the right way. You have power and potential that you don’t even know about. Unlimited and breathtaking.

So see where you are and realize that you have the power to create the best, richest, most joy-filled experience you can imagine. At this point also congratulate yourself on this discovery, don’t berate yourself for not knowing. Know that you will take more responsibility in creating your life, and start looking forward to a new level of growth. Yesterday was maybe worse, but you didn’t know better. But just think what tomorrow could bring. There is an old Chinese saying: the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today.

And if you need someone to help you get started on this journey, book your complementary coaching session today. In-person or virtual, sessions are 50 minutes long and we can get to work on the life you want to create for yourself!

Stop JUDGING yourself

Often when we’re stuck, or going through a tough time, we place a lot of blame on ourselves. “I should have known”, or “How could I do that!!?”. Lashing out, often at the closest person around. Shame and guilt follow quickly, and this becomes a toxic cocktail that just brings you down further. Although such a reaction might feel justified, it is often counterproductive in terms of overcoming the challenge we are facing.

Let’s face it, no one ever responds favourably to being chewed out, right? It just creates a vicious circle with no answers, just more blame, shame and guilt.

Instead, try a little compassion, not shying away from taking ownership, but just being easier on the person looking back at you in the mirror. You made the decisions with the information you had. If you had known better, you would have done better. You are on a life-long journey of learning and creating, you will learn to be and do better in the future.

So cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself. Look at the person in the mirror and say: “I love you, you are doing great!”.

And if that feels weird or undeserving, realize that that is where you must start if you want to change your life. Love yourself.

Just like you would not scold a child or a best friend when they are learning something new, you must be kind to yourself, as you are also continuously learning. No one shows up knowing what to do.

“I love you. You are doing so well! Keep going, the best part is just around the corner, and you are going to love it. Keep it up; someone out there looks up to you as an inspiration”.

And if you feel like you can’t get there on your own, or you need someone to hold you accountable, book your 1st free coaching session today and let’s talk about your future. A session is 50 minutes, and can be done in-person or virtual. We start by looking at what you want to achieve, then proceed to work on a plan to get you there, with a few milestones in between to keep you on track.
Looking forward to making your future happen!

What do you intend to do? This week, this month, this year?

It’s easy to disregard this question because the answer might be elusive, or difficult to think about. But it is a very important question to answer because you need a DIRECTION if you want to make PROGRESS. Intention is also a little bit different from simply ‘wanting’ something. Saying “I want a new car” feels a lot different from “I intend to get a new car”. Passive vs. ACTIVE. Stationary vs. energized. It also mobilizes your creativity as to HOW you can achieve that goal. So just look at how you frame your goals, what you want out of life. A simple word change can make the world of difference.

So, what do you INTEND for yourself this year? Because life is short, and regrets pile up just as quick.

And if you feel like you need someone to guide you towards that big goal for the year, someone to help you make it happen, book your COMPLEMENTARY coaching session today. Face-to-face or via video call, we can discuss your intended goals and get to work. I can guide you every step of the way.

Send me a message and let’s chat!

When times are tough and you feel like you are going through something difficult, how kind are you to yourself?

Are you caring, supportive, understanding, like a good friend? Or are you harsh, demanding, critical? Often when we are in the midst of a challenging situation, we don’t see the things we are doing right, but only criticize the shortcomings of not being through it yet. And yet, if you were to take this issue to a good friend, how would they react? Don’t they often focus on what you are doing right? Drawing your attention to the progress you have made? Offering words of support along the way? it’s easy to be critical of ourselves, but this is rarely a constructive way of dealing with a situation. Be the best friend you can be TO YOURSELF and see what happens.

'That's so BORING!'

It's easy to complain something is boring. Your day is boring, your route to work is boring, your local trail is boring.

“How’s it going? ugh, boring!”. Easy to say, but how can you fix it? How can you change that feeling? We all know that feeling, we know what ‘boring’ feels like. And these days we spend a lot of time, money and mental effort, just to remove or avoid that feeling. BUT – can it be done? Can boredom be ‘beaten’? or are you fighting a losing battle? Is it possible to ALWAYS get excitement, novelty, something new? Your rational mind would say ‘No, of course not’, and yet ‘the familiar’ is responsible for quite a lot of discomfort.

With today’s world being so full of dopamine triggers that give you that quick fix, this discomfort is never far away. You would literally need an infinite supply of resources to deliver NOVELTY to you every second of every day. Impossible! OR is there another way? could it be appreciation of the present moment?

Taking that moment and LOOKING around, LISTENING, HEARING, using your senses to bring you into the present. Could this be an antidote that doesn’t cost anything?

Stop and think for a minute, how much of what you have do you actually appreciate FULLY?

You want to make a permanent change in your life?

Use your brain’s superpower to make it stick.

Your brain is very good at conserving energy.
Keeping things the way they are, so that your energy reserves are fully charged to survive. When faced with a choice, your brain will always choose the least energy intensive option to conserve energy, rather than spending energy. And it’s very convincing! Ever had to think twice before taking the stairs instead of the elevator? That’s your brain wanting you to take the easy way out.
The good news is, you can use this ability to your advantage. Whatever change you want to install, look at it as a series of steps. For instance, going out for a run includes a series of small steps needed in order to eventually get out of the door. From the clothes you wear, to lacing up your shoes, there are lots of opportunities to start using your brain’s superpower of energy conservation.
Pick one of those small actions and make it as easy as possible to complete. Pack your gym bag the night before. Just that. And do it for a week. Take note how much easier it becomes with time. Doing the same little thing over and over, your brain will eventually figure out that it doesn’t take that much effort, and it will almost start to happen automatically!
What small habit made the biggest difference in your life?

What do you want from this week?

As this week gets into full swing, take your next coffee break to let your mind wander a bit about what you want out of the next five days. When you look back at this week on Friday, what do you aim to achieve?

Fill in the blank: ‘It would be awesome if…’. Even if you come up with just one answer, you will have started a way of thinking that sets intention before action. As the year starts to pick up speed rapidly, we often find ourselves swept along the current, instead of actually riding the current. It happens in an instant, and it’s easy to be overwhelmed. But you have the ability to think ahead, to plan, and aim for something.

This ability taps into your creative brain, which can guide you towards that certain something you want.

Try it out, you might be surprised at the results!

Life Coaching | Cornelius van Niekerk Life, Business, Performance coaching. A guide that keeps you accountable on the journey to the change you want.

Commit to change and your focus will shift from 'can't-do' to 'how-to'

When you’re serious about changing your life for the better, you start to focus on what’s in your life and whether it adds or subtracts from the goal you are after. Committing to a goal makes you see things differently. When you become goal-oriented, you also become action-oriented. This starts to light up the creative parts of your brain used in problem-solving. A very powerful ability you already have, that will change your focus to be on the lookout for solutions. The only thing is, you need to initiate this process by becoming serious about that change you want.

How badly do you want it? How much has it cost you in the past by not going after it?

Life Coaching | Cornelius van Niekerk Life, Business, Performance coaching. A guide that keeps you accountable on the journey to the change you want.

Watch what you think.

Sound easy, but if you have even tried it for a few seconds, you will realise the amount of focus needed to do this out of habit.

The thoughts you think determine your mood, your actions and eventually your beliefs about the world. Once those things are firmly in place, they can lead you in VERY different directions, very fast. Which is why it is so important to think about what you are thinking. Getting some distance from your thoughts to SEE where they take you. From a distance you can get some perspective and even decide whether it’s working for you or not.

Then you can make a conscious decision to change those thoughts. Think something else. Which will lead your mood in a different direction.

Which is often what we want, right?

Start today with intent!

Not because you wish your life was a series of long weekends on the beach, but because you have the choice of setting an intention for your day, or not. You can choose to use this powerful practice to your advantage. Or you can simply react to what comes your way.

Yes, it’s difficult when life gets in your way, or the curveballs come thick and fast. But, if you have set an intention beforehand, you can say, ‘Ok, I expected a few bumps along the way, but today I know where I am going’. Setting an intention gives your goal-directed mind something to aim for.

Try it out for a week and see how it goes. And start small, something you want to change about your day or your week.

You might be surprised!

Where do I start if I want to change?

How do I know where to begin if I want to make a change in my life?
Things might look disorganised, overwhelming, without a clear starting point. ‘Where do I even begin?’ The good news is, by reading this, you already took the first step. Change is uncomfortable. It’s much easier to keep the current routine, than the effort it takes to change. The uncertainty of something new is often enough to persuade you to just stick to the way things are.

Now you can choose from a range of options. You can start with the smallest step, like setting a regular alarm to wake up earlier, making enquiries about a personal trainer, or finding out about that course you’ve been wanting to do. Or you can pay someone to hold you accountable (like that personal trainer) which is often one of the most effective ways to get the change done. Add to that the psychological value of paying someone, and you have a powerful combination that greatly increases your chance of achieving that change.

What change do you want to get done?