Granny's House

It's been brought to my attention that a young woman who stayed overnight with the young male tenant in a cottage has been posting defamatory comments about me on social media and has posted pictures of the Granny's House signage .
She was removed during a visit from our security company .
The young man is vacating the cottage tomorrow .

A safe place...

Tell them.

Tell them they are loved
for just exactly who they are.

"I love you for you.
Not for the way you perform on a stage or a field.
Not for achievements with high marks or honors.
Not even for the good deeds you do.
I love you for you.

You'll see me clapping from the audience.
You'll see me cheering from the sidelines.
You'll see me stand to recognize your hard work.
You'll see me smile for your big heart.

Because I'm here for your journey.
I'll support your interests and passions.
I'll recognize your efforts.
I'll be there to show up for you.

But I love you
FOR YOU.

Hard days. Best days. Regular days.
Win. Lose.
Smiles. Tears.
Good choices. Bad decisions.

I love you for you
through it all
no matter what
forever and always."

Say it out loud.
Whisper it in their ear.
Write it on a note.

"I love you for you."

Tell them.

(words You Are Loved - Emily Roussell)

The importance of love

Greetings
Babies are little human beings who don't speak a verbal language yet. All of their potential.. all of their giftings are within that little package. They are highly sensate little beings whose emotions and senses are very developed. To help them gain their potential in life they need three things, love without which nothing flourishes, good protein source preferably breast milk for optimal brain growth and stimulation for optimal brain development.
At birth a babies brain is a quarter of adult size. It doubles in size in the first year. Ninety percent of brain growth is achieved by five years old. Those brains are like sponges! As a child's brain grows each cell becomes bigger and heavier. Much growth is in the cerebellum area in charge of physical and motor development.Dentrite trees are formed which receive sensory signals. All is not lost if a little one has brain pathways mis- firing as some post natal neuro genesis takes place with sufficient stimulation in critical brain areas.
Individual attention, exposure to the wonderful world of nature around us and stimulation of all the senses in a loving environment ensure optimal growth.
For kiddies in Daycare the legal registration of the Day care / Day Mother ensures that all the legal process has been followed. Such registration is now very expensive.. Or was in 2018 when I followed the process, as an architect or similar professional has to sign off on the application. The first thing I would look at as a parent is the relationship between the care giver and the children in her care. You can't fake love. Little children are very tactile and there should be a loving relationship between them.
An abandoned baby is really a heart breaking situation. Our very concept of ourselves is being formed in the first two years of life. Whether we see ourselves as loved and worthy or discarded and worthless is being imprinted deeply into the unconscious mind at this age. "Failure to thrive" is a medical term for a baby that presents with stunted growth and development for no other reason except a barren emotional environment where they do not feel loved. When I trained at Addington in the 1970's our paediatric lecturer said.. and I never forgot his words " Be very careful of a baby who never cries for attention as they have given up".
As a caring society with the realization that children hold our future in their hands we need to look out for the weak and the vulnerable wherever we can supporting organizations who support abandoned children by whatever means we can. Just to be loved by someone for an hour a week can make a life changing difference in a child's life. Money does help organizations involved in child care but an extra pair of hands and a heart that loves are irreplaceable.

Gill Scott owner of Granny's House Daycare. Registered Nurse ( Addington 1970-1973)
Registered Midwife ( Mothers Hospital 1973-1977)
Highway pharmacies clinic Sister ( 1996 - 2018)
With love ❤️
Show quoted textof love...

"Let the children be free; encourage them; let them run outside when it is raining; let them remove their shoes when they find a puddle of water; and, when the grass of the meadows is damp with dew, let them run on it and trample it with their bare feet; let them rest peacefully when a tree invites them to sleep beneath its shade; let them shout and laugh when the sun wakes them in the morning as it wakes every living creature that divides its day between waking and sleeping."

Maria Montessori | Discovery of the Child |

Montessori Education What is Montessori? | Montessori Discipline | How Montessori school and Montessori parenting can help us raise and educate children while bettering ourselves alongside them

BE THAT VILLAGE

Across the aisle from me on the airplane on Saturday night, a teen mom cradled her two month old daughter.

I glanced over from time to time during the flight, struck by the small moments of tender connection, and moved by the bonding between them.

The baby WAS gorgeous in her little pink outfit, but as I sat in that cramped up chair, another thought crossed my mind…

That young mom is going to hear the words, “What a beautiful baby!” and “Your daughter is so sweet!” many, many times over the next few years. And as wonderful as those words are for any parent to hear, there are other utterances that will mean a great deal more… There are other words that will have a far more lasting impact on both mother and child…

I leant across as the flight touched down and said to her, “I have been noticing how you are with your baby… You are an incredible mom.” Her face flooded with joy… with relief… with so much appreciation…

Whether we have newborns or adult children, we feel so easily judged in our parenting…
Next time you see parents with an infant or any young child (or really any child), notice THEM… encourage THEM… root for THEM…

Instead of, “What a cutie!”, try something like, “Parenting is hard. You’re doing an amazing job.”

The domino effect on their child will last so much longer… will be so much more impactful…

Another observation: Alongside this
young mother, sat her own mother and her approximately six-year old little sister. It reminded me how important support is on our parenting journey. Of how much we all need that safe “village”.

In our modern society, most of us don’t have those “villages” to help raise our children anymore…
Parenthood for many can feel like a very lonely journey…

Withhold all judgment.
Encourage instead.

Be THAT village.
Notice THAT parent.

It will make all the difference to the future generations of our world.

With love and an arms-open village
Naomi ♥️

A shout out to everyone who looks beyond the behaviour, you make a difference.😀
Image + quote from Dance with me in the Heart
Image description - a painting of a young child with the words "When we only look at behaviour, we stop seeing the child and only look with an intent to judge whether we need to reward or punish. When we look behind the behaviour, we see that little struggling human, our little human who needs our help with something." Words by Rebecca Eanes, Artist Celeste Keller

Yesterday I saw a raging adult completely break down a child…
It was not a pretty sight…

I see this happening too often…
I understand the impact from a neuroscience and developmental perspective… And it’s devastating…

I’m just going to say it as it honestly is: Angry adults are fueling the mental health crisis and exacerbating anxiety in our children and teens.

Here’s why:

There is an epidemic of anxiety and depression happening globally in all age groups.

We live in an angry world. It’s so evident in the way people interact, how they treat one another, even how they drive…

Stress, fear, pain, anxiety…. These can all underlie anger, the core of which is always disempowerment.

Our recovering-from-trauma world has left so much of that…

But here’s the thing. When as adults we are not prioritizing taking ownership of our own mental health, whatever beasts are brewing inside us, unleash themselves on those around us. Our children and teens are the ultimate sponges.

Every time anyone rages at us, displays anger towards us, and shouts, a few things happen in the brain.

Firstly, it goes into fear mode- that means defensive protection. It means survival. It’s a complicated yet incredible process, but it’s one of the essential and automatic neurological functions that happens whenever our brains are triggered to feel danger. Bottom line, this is to ensure the survival of the human race, as it activates the fear response in our bodies- without it, let’s just say most of us would not be around very long. It keeps us safe. Good thing!

And at these times, the prefrontal cortex goes off-line. None of its functions can work (because if they did they would probably get us killed). So that’s all our executive skills that we need for learning, thinking, problem solving, creativity, performing our best- at work, school or on the sports field, GONE. NOT accessible.

When as adults we are overwhelmed and stressed (let’s just call it- most of the population absolutely is), and if we are struggling to regulate our anger (so common in our post-Covid world) our state all too often exacerbates the mental health of people around us- especially our kids and teens. An angry, raging, shouting adult is strengthening the circuit of anxiety in a child’s brain.

We all get angry from time to time. Anger is a normal healthy emotion. But how are we processing it? Are we able to regulate ourselves in this state or are we leaving a wake of carnage, yes, carnage, in the mental health of those around us?

Angry people are wounded people. If this is you, please seek the help you so desperately need. The broken break those around them. And when those around are children and teens, it fuels the already raging, brewing crisis we have on our hands.

Whether it’s a child in your class, in your home or on the sports field, the brain in fear can NEVER perform to its full potential- it’s stuck in survival mode in the lower brain regions. When you shout at a child, you haven’t taught them a lesson. You haven’t earned respect. You haven’t shown them that you know better. All you have done is demonstrate that you have no control over your anger, and you have added to a mental health crisis. You have contributed towards an ever-growing youth who lack self-esteem, feel disempowered, bully others as a result, and don’t feel good enough. The list could go on and on…

Instead of being a part of the massive problem we are facing, be a part of the solution. Seek help for your mental health, so that you can be the regulated and connected adult that every child and teen in our world needs right now.

I’ll be deep-diving into this issue more in my course starting TONIGHT, but for now, just know that there is a significant link between households and classrooms where there is lots of shouting and “rag-losing”, and children’s anxiety.

In a world of more and more disconnection where we are in serious trouble with our children’s mental health, be the adult that chooses to make a difference. Prioritize healing your mental health so that you can show up and be empowered to make a radical difference in the young lives around you. ♥️

PS: My 4-Week Understanding Anxiety in Kids & Teens online course starts in less than 24hrs.

Course outline:

📚 Session 1: Knowledge is Empowerment: Understanding the Basics
📚 Session 2: Trauma, Anxiety and Depression
📚 Session 3: The Power of Thought
📚 Session 4: Getting Specific

Dates for the sessions: 8, 15, 22 & 27 March @ 8:30pm SAST🇿🇦 and will be hosted on Zoom.

⚡️ Each session will last around 1hr with a 15min Q&A at the end.

⚡️ Replays will be made available in your personal dashboard within 24hrs of each session and the recordings are yours to access for life.

You can sign up right here 👉 https://naomiholdt.com/purchase/understanding-anxiety-in-kids-and-teens-checkout/

PPS: If you’re South African, please email [email protected] for a ZAR invoice.

Understanding Anxiety in Kids & Teens: A 4-Week Live Course A 4-week live course for parents and educators where you'll learn how to deal with and recognise the many faces of anxiety in kids & teens.

THE ETERNITY OF WHO

I don’t recall many specific memories from my childhood.

Apart from a few “photographic stills” etched in my mind, I don’t remember the exact “whats” or “whys”… That’s just not how the traumatized mind organizes…

But I remember the sensations…
I remember the emotions…
I remember how I felt in the presence of each family member…

Tonight I was reminded of one of the magical fragments of colour…
of calm…
of breath…

As I said goodnight to my little girl, she curled her head onto my lap and interlocked her fingers around mine… I gently stroked my other hand through her damp hair as she nestled in… wordlessly willing me to stay right there… and I did…

And in that moment I remembered doing exactly the same with my mom, even as a young teen…

I remember the way I felt in her presence…
Safe… Calm… Loved…

And I was reminded of our most important role in any relationship…

It’s not the “whats”…
The actual events with loved-ones don’t matter…
Even the ones that become etched into our memories… even the photographic stills… they don’t remain significant because of their grandiosity…

What matters is how someone made us feel in those moments…
It’s how seen we felt…
How heard we felt…
How much we felt like we belonged right there, right then…

As human beings, our sense of safety comes from being in the presence of someone we share a deeply connected relationship with…

Our sense of self comes from being able to be fully vulnerable in that safe space…

All that we say and all that we do will one day be forgotten, but how we leave the human being alongside us feeling in our presence- THAT will remain forever.

No matter what title you hold, your legacy will not be left by the WHAT you are….

No matter what you achieve in life, your legacy will not be left by the WHAT you do…

It will be left by the WHO you are and the impact of your presence. It’s the footprint you gently leave on the souls of those around you that makes an eternal difference.

With love
Naomi ♥️ Naomi Holdt

On the other hand, "I hear that you're upset. I'm here," is a first step toward co-regulation with your child. Even if they keep crying, even in their upset, they recognize that you are a rock in the storm. That when they are ready, their heartbeat can match yours, their breathing can match yours, their body can slow back down and find its way back to calm. Because their body sees you, and so it remembers that it knows how.

That's the way through pain.

That's the way to become okay.

[Image description: A wooden background, like a fence, with three notecards clothespin-clipped to a line on it. The notecards read, " 'Stop crying, you're okay'...doesn't tell an upset child that they'll be okay. It tells an upset child that you're not okay with their pain." The quote is by L.R. Knost.]

Taking off the pressure

Hold the mother, not the baby.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Because the baby’s being taken care of—⁣⁣
fed, snuggled, and given all the love in the world—⁣⁣
by not only the mother,⁣⁣
but her partner, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and friends.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
But the mother,⁣⁣
may have gaps in her mind from lack of sleep,⁣⁣
may be mechanical in her motions as she’s healing,⁣⁣
may feel more like a mess than a mother,⁣⁣
may be sitting in bed, crying, feeling overwhelmed in her body and life,⁣⁣
may be full of mom guilt because in her mind, "she's not good enough,"⁣⁣
and she’s bleeding, wincing in pain, swollen and emotional.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
And the mother’s that baby's whole world and needs to be seen, so she doesn't disappear into that postpartum fog.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
So, hold the mother, not the baby.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
A mother agrees that her baby matters more.⁣⁣
But she’s hurting, while she’s the person behind the baby,⁣⁣
in the background, making it all happen:⁣⁣
feeding her baby at all hours,⁣⁣
snuggling her baby close to comfort newborn cries,⁣⁣
and being that baby’s everything.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
So, it’s the mother who needs your love.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
And a mother will remember who held her up.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
So instead of “I’m coming to see the baby,”⁣⁣
try saying, “I’m coming to see you 𝘢𝘯𝘥 meet the baby, too.”⁣⁣
⁣
Because the mother needs to be held more.⁣⁣

Shared with permission from Living FULL
⁣
Artwork: