28/08/2026
REAL HOUSE
Before the sporting weekend gets underway, we leave you with another story from the unique world of boarding house life from our Housemaster tales…
One of the great privileges of being a Housemaster is that you get to witness things that you would never see anywhere else. Sometimes, the best place to do this is sitting quietly in the House office or dayroom, pretending to be incredibly busy and important, while actually listening to what the boys are talking about.
This afternoon was one of those occasions. Our Housemaster was sitting in the office, quietly getting on with some work, when he became aware of a very serious conversation taking place in the dayroom.
It started with two boys. Then three. All gathered around the microwave.
Now, we had no idea that operating a microwave required a committee, but apparently, this particular Woolworths meal had presented the boys with a significant technical challenge.
The first question was:
"Which setting do we use?"
A very reasonable question.
The packet contained several instructions, but the reference to watts appeared to have caused some confusion.
"What does 900 watts mean?"
"Is that the temperature?"
"No, I think that's how powerful the microwave is."
"So how do we know what ours is?"
Silence. A pause. Someone eventually suggested that they just "try it and see."
The discussion then moved on to the cooking time.
"It says five minutes."
"That's too long."
"Why?"
"Because it will be boiling."
"But it's supposed to be hot."
This was clearly going nowhere. Another boy then offered a compromise:
"Let's cook it for one minute at a time and see."
A sensible suggestion.
Then came the question that really impressed our Housemaster:
"What does it mean when it says pierce the packet?"
There was a moment of silence.
Our Housemaster quietly sat in his office trying not to chuckle too much. Apparently, the phrase pierce the packet required some interpretation! Eventually, someone appeared to understand.
Then came the next major concern:
"How are we going to make sure we don't spatter everything inside the microwave?"
At this point, we were all beginning to wonder whether they were cooking dinner or conducting a controlled scientific experiment.
The microwave was loaded. The door was closed. The timer was set. Everyone stepped back.
One minute later, the door opened. The boys inspected the meal. It was apparently not ready.
Another minute. Another inspection. More discussion.
Eventually, the meal was declared cooked. It was removed from the microwave and shared between the boys.
From the comments that followed, it appeared to have been reasonably successful. Although one boy summed up the entire experience beautifully:
"These Woolworths meals are so difficult to cook. I think I'll stick to noodles next time."
This time, our Housemaster did have a good chuckle to himself. What he found particularly entertaining was that the instructions were written clearly on the packet. The boys had everything they needed. They simply needed to read them.
But perhaps that is one of the wonderful things about boarding school. You don't just learn academic subjects. You learn how to share a meal. You learn how to operate a microwave. You learn what watts are. You learn what pierce the packet means.
And, occasionally, you learn that five minutes in a microwave is not something you should necessarily challenge without adult supervision.
Boarding school is never dull.
Every afternoon brings something different, and every day provides an opportunity to learn a new skill. Sometimes the lesson is about leadership, sometimes it is about independence, and occasionally...it is about reading the instructions on the back of the Woolworths meal.
And tomorrow, there may well be another three boys gathered around the microwave, receiving expert guidance from those who, just 24 hours earlier, had been equally baffled and who have since discovered that noodles are perhaps a better choice.
