Gavin Fish - Life Coach & Mentor

Gavin Fish - Life Coach & Mentor Hi - I'm Gavin, a practicing Life Coach and Mentor who has worked with teenagers, parents and educators for over 33 years.

I have a huge heart for South Africa's youth and parents, am convinced that we all have a "Larger Life Within."

06/02/2026

Remember this assembly boys? (Now men)
Sexual abuse is not committed by adult men on young girls (and boys) only. Teenage boys can also be guilty of and suffer from, similarly. We respect everyone, it is a sign of character. (We are not born with character, we make a decision to be respectful and then it becomes part of our character.)
We need to understand that: -“no,” means “no” under any and all circumstances;
-because you were kissing does not mean that she would be comfortable with going further; her boundaries are your boundaries; no exceptions
-trashing a girl publicly is a misdemeanour of note; -touching a girl inappropriately is wrong; no, it cannot be in “jest;” -a minor cannot “consent,” to s*x with you; that what is discussed amongst a group of boys regarding the weekend's “triumphs,” may have left a girl traumatized; -the fact that a young boy teen’s body is testosterone charged, legitimizes nothing in terms of conduct towards a girl.
-po*******hy is not titillation, it is a highly addictive substance that objectifies women and can rob you of true intimacy.
Women who have the courage to lay charges face the possibility of further humiliation on reporting it to the police. It is partly why only a fraction of s*xual abuse cases are reported. Society has created warped senses of shame and misplaced guilt for women. So hurts are too often internalized where they live on, unresolved.
The need to treat others with respect, knows no age, no nation, no gender, no setting; it is a universal truth. This morning, I am asking my boys to respect women.

22/07/2024

Before the difficulties of working together in a GNU cloud my thinking: I am determined to remind myself that:

-The courts upheld Zuma’s prison sentence as grounds for his not serving in parliament;
-Our elections were declared free and fair
-The election day itself was free of violence
-Ramaphosa accepted the vote as the voice of the people
-The ANC chose not to lean towards MK and the EFF
-The IEC, Parliament and Courts ruled against MK’s attempts to have the elections invalidated.
-Parliament opened and the President was duly inaugurated
-MK was unable to secure a further 5% of the Kwazulu seats to rule the province;
-The subsequent by-elections have shown a swing towards the GNU parties
-Zuma’s Arms Deal corruption case will proceed.

08/07/2024

A thought from yesterday: “Words are the most powerful drug known to mankind.” - Kipling.
Words are powerful! Our teens can seem impervious to words, at times. Words can cause them to zone out, glaze over and sleep in my History lesson. The salesman seduces with words, politicians can obscure, educators broaden horizons, others command respect, or endure ridicule, because of them. We can humiliate or heal!
A volatile situation in last week’s road cycling race found me in an exchange of hot angry words. By the time I had pulled myself towards myself and apologised ….. Well, let’s just say that my apology was not accepted. Damage done, lesson learnt. A teen was sent to me this morning. “Sir, it is a non-issue.” I agreed, it was; but his answer to the educator was sarcastic and that was not a non-issue. It could have so easily been avoided.
Our choice of words is secondary to our tone of voice and body language. We are adept at saying one thing when our tone indicates another. A colleague, whose son is a farrier, was in a paddock holding a horse’s bridle. He told mom quite crisply to get the h…. out of there, as she was sending the horse “seriously bad vibes.” I have seen adults unconsciously sending teens “seriously bad vibes,” which makes a decent interaction all but impossible. Proverbs tells us that we speak from the overflow of our hearts. Sometimes we all need a heart “check up.”

31/05/2024

Anyone been here?
There were 14 towels in use; in the bathroom and three bedrooms, soggy piles of them, 14 of them. I had been asking, pleading, cajoling and barking for years: “Don’t take new towels, hang them up.”
My daughter, now 23 is still with us, but our son, 26, is married and in the UK. I am not finished with them, they still need me. So I would rather pick up 14 towels than lose them. Yes, don’t say it, I know that “my parenting enters a new phase, that they are not lost to me.” Spare me that today.
My mind on this one is way behind my heart. I have cheered with and for them, wept with them, shouted at them, I have been there for them. It’s not that I am wallowing in deep regrets and wishing for time to “make it up to them.” Rather just that the parting of ways is now increasingly real. Kathy and I have partnered together for 26 years on this task. They have been the single greatest topic of conversation between us.
Now I am asked to trust as they leave us, that they have absorbed our values and have learnt from our errors. We want the world for them, to live purposeful lives of significance, seeking God’s will for their days. Right now, however, I simply want them to be safe and happy.

22/04/2024

From time to time at school, teenagers “heard” my anger in tone and body language and shut off to my message; leaving me wondering what was wrong with them; "why aren't they listening to me?" My anger “static” had blurred what needed to be heard and left me squaring off with disenchanted teens. Teens need to appreciate that the reverse is true as well. That their message to us can equally be lost in their anger or rude static... and they then reach for their own, "but you are just not listening to me," (read agreeing with me.) Of course, in no way dismissing the place of righteous anger which makes us so articulate in the heat of certain moments. So, just when has your anger been useful and when not?

10/04/2024

“Say “Yes,” as often as possible because then, when you have to say “No,” it will be better received.”

My “No” could be such a knee-jerk response. I should have pushed my internal pause-button before cutting a teen dead with the emphatic, No! We need to be sure as to why we’re saying No. We were all teenagers – has our “forgettery” grown with the years?

We need to pick our fights! I’m not suggesting we cave in to our teen’s every request, just that we save our No’s for issues that undermine our families values…. rather than issues of fashion or personal preference.

Most teens have a need to be heard, a need to know that their requests are being taken seriously. If we can do that instead of the mid-sentence-slap down, chances are that we will be better heard when the No is really needed!

02/04/2024

A yesterday memory! They threw bricks at the bus transporting my children to school. They shattered the windows and left children screaming and cowering in terror. Cowards! My senior pupils bravely shielded, protected and calmed the junior school children. They were angry. I needed to “talk these teens down.” This was a righteous anger, a “how dare they, this must be stopped!” It was something heroic and admirable. A coming of age! We can’t, nor should we, shield our teens indefinitely from the ugliness's of our adult world, but we can prepare them for it. We instil our values and beliefs in the hope that when the time comes, they will recall and live up to their better selves. They did!

25/03/2024

I was reminded……….
My son, working at an open air restaurant, saw a luxury sports vehicle swing into a disabled parking bay. A client took issue: “You have no right to park your luxury car in a disabled bay, it is just so typical of …..,” The man rolled up his trouser leg, removed his prosthetic and took his crutches from the back seat …..
My father used to criticise me for putting my tongue into action before my brain. Thinking before we speak is a skill learnt slowly and normally, after we haven’t. We jump the gun and assuming that we are right, spray our opinion all over
When teens speak across or over us, their message is clear: “I am not really listening to you because I know better.” Or, that you are preparing your opinion without listening, at your peril.
I encouraged my teens at school to ask penetrating questions rather than make bold authoritative statements; to attempt to understand first from the others point of view. Further, that the suggestion that “we sleep on it,” is neither quaint nor old-fashioned. Distance lends perspective. Eager to make a telling contribution to a point a staff member was making I chipped in, mid-sentence. It earned me a swift rebuke: “you are not listening to me.” Worse still, I was told by a colleague, “I hope we can speak about this again when you are in a more receptive frame of mind.” Ouch! I had preached it to teens since time immemorial.

20/03/2024

Teen apathy is one part physical and one part emotional. When you are growing 1cm a week you are burning many energy sapping calories. Teens need 8-9 hours of sleep a night. Most do not come close to this number! Hence the apathy! It is also, however, emotion based. Their self-esteem can be fragile. The fear of ridicule is so strong that they just won’t try. If they can’t be assured of winning, or looking good, they opt out.
Teens must aspire! They must come to identify their deepest longings: whether that is to cycle the Tour de France or to Save the Penguins. Some schools are guilty of moulding their teens’ aspirations towards the areas for which the school has its reputation. But school activities are merely vehicles enroute to teens discovering their deepest longings. In truth, how many leave school to become professional Cricketers, Historians or Netballers? Rather, they become who they are through what they are exposed to while playing Cricket and sitting in the History class.
I aspired to become a National athlete. I pursued that goal with enormous zeal for a number of years. I did not succeed! Thereafter I poured my energies into 20 years of athletics coaching. I continue to aspire. Yes, I would have liked to have achieved more, but I look back fondly on my competitive and coaching years. My memories are of the journey and less of the destination. To aspire and not succeed fully, or to not aspire at all? It is an absolute no-brainer.
Buy into their “Tour de France and Penguins” and don’t be too dismayed when they change direction. They’re reaching towards, aspiring towards!

13/03/2024

A memory from a “yesterday.” I interviewed a number of teens last week desperately in need of Starting Over. Some had created their own problems, others were collateral damage. It is not easy to start over, or even to admit that we need to. But it is seldom too late to. I encouraged the receptive to share their determination to start over, with someone close to them. It encourages them to persist and holds them accountable when their resolve starts to slip.
I interviewed 27 about their poor attendance. The year has now ended; only half have succeeded in starting over. Starting over is tough!
Next time I will add my own “starting again,” experiences to the conversation. It may make it just that more real and attainable?

I would love you to join me!
19/02/2024

I would love you to join me!

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Noordhoek

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