Success Coaching

Role play isn’t just something you do in the bedroom. In fact, you may get more practice doing it at work.

For most people, role play is scary as sh*t and they avoid it at all costs. Sometimes they find themselves having fallen into a role play through what they thought was a casual colleague conversation, and then stop themselves mid-sentence as the fear kicks in. That, oddly enough, is still more successful than scheduling such sessions.

Sales teams have used role play forever, but the strategy seems to be falling away, along with performance management and other useful leadership approaches that once allowed businesses to hit targets.

There are tons of benefits to role playing, including considering situations before they happen, coming up with responses before you need them, practising those responses, building agility in conversation, and doing the scary stuff in a safe place before it gets real.

Role plays are also not limited to sales. You can hold them anywhere in the business. As long as one individual communicates with another, inside or outside the business, role play can be used to support improved communication across the board.

Even in coaching sessions, we sometimes break into a role play. It gets the coachee uncomfortable in a training environment rather than out there in the real world. They get to mess up, consider where they went wrong, and try again. They also raise their self-awareness so they can make shifts before it matters. The result is fewer surprises in real life because they have already been here.

Role plays are important. We did them as kids, we do them with our kids, so why drop them as adults? We’re all just kids anyway, playing this game called life.

Addiction Follow-up Series #07: Your Coach Can Be Your Sponsor

In recovery, a sponsor is someone you can turn to in a moment of temptation. The simple act of reaching out, of breaking the isolation, can interrupt the cycle and create just enough space for a different choice.

While coaching is not a replacement for formal recovery programs or therapy, it can complement them in powerful ways. Through clear agreement, a coach can act in a sponsor-like role. This means that when the client feels tempted to return to an old pattern, they can call their coach.

Sometimes that call leads to practical steps: leaving devices in another room, going for a walk, holding off until the next meeting. At other times, the conversation becomes a way to explore the reason behind the urge — turning a moment of weakness into a chance for insight and growth.

The benefit lies in accountability. Knowing there is someone to call changes the equation. It shifts the urge from being a private battle to being a shared responsibility. And with that, the client regains choice.

This is not about constant availability, and it does not replace the specialised role of psychology or formal support groups. It is about partnership. It is about a client knowing they do not have to face those critical moments alone.

Sometimes the difference between relapse and resilience is simply having someone to call.

Addiction Follow-up Series #05: When Addictions Masquerade as Strengths

Some addictions hide in plain sight because they look like strengths. They even get praised, rewarded, and admired. Working late to meet every deadline. Saying yes to every client request. Training harder, pushing further, learning more, always being available. On the surface, these behaviours seem like dedication and commitment. Underneath, they can be something very different.

A true strength is flexible. It serves a bigger picture and leaves room for balance. An addictive pattern is rigid and compulsive. It continues even when it starts to cause harm. The line between the two can be hard to see, especially when the behaviour delivers results.

The cost is often hidden. Relationships strain, health declines, personal energy is depleted, and creativity fades. The behaviour becomes tied to identity. Without it, the person is left feeling uncertain about their worth or their place in the world.

Coaching can help uncover these hidden costs. It provides the space to ask important questions: What is this behaviour giving me? What is it costing me? If I stopped or reduced it, what would happen? Am I choosing it, or is it choosing me?

When a behaviour begins to control the person, even if it looks good from the outside, it stops being a strength. Real strength lies in being able to choose, to step forward when it serves, and to pause when it no longer does.

Addiction Follow-up Series #04: Addictions as Self-Sabotage

Sometimes the most damaging addictions are the ones we don’t see clearly.
Not because they’re invisible, but because they look like stress relief, hard-earned rewards, or little habits that help us get through the day.

Some of these habits do more than distract or soothe. They quietly sabotage us. They keep us locked in a loop, preventing us from doing the work, reaching the goal, or becoming the person we say we want to be.

Take the example of someone who wants to write a book. The desire is real, the intention is clear, but every time they sit down to begin, they find themselves reaching for something else. A scroll through social media. A snack. Another coffee. Then they tell themselves they don’t have the discipline, when in fact the behaviour is doing something. It is keeping them safe from uncertainty. Safe from being exposed. Safe from the risk of not doing it well.

Addiction, in many forms, is not just a source of comfort. It can also be a form of protection. It shields us from failure, from discomfort, and from the responsibility that growth demands.

That’s why change is so difficult, even when it’s wanted.
And that’s why coaching matters.

Coaching creates a space where we can begin to see the pattern. Not with shame, but with clarity. It invites us to ask what the behaviour is really doing for us, and whether it’s still worth the cost.

On Monday, we’ll publish a full article that unpacks this idea in more depth. It explores how addiction and self-sabotage often work together, and what can be done to break the cycle.

Addiction Follow-up Series #03:
The Identity Shift – “I Don’t” vs “No, Thanks”.

There is a moment in recovery, or in change of any kind, when the question shifts from "What am I doing?" to "Who am I becoming?" This is the point where behaviour change starts to intersect with identity.

One of the most visible indicators of this shift is in our language. There is a meaningful difference between someone saying “No thanks, I’m not drinking tonight,” and someone saying “I don’t drink.” The former speaks to a situational choice. The latter reflects a change in identity. In coaching, this distinction matters. We live into our language. The words we use, both internally and externally, shape how we see ourselves and how others relate to us.

This language operates on two levels. First, there is the private conversation. These are the internal narratives that shape mindset and character. A client might begin by thinking, “I’m trying to stop,” but over time shift to, “This is not who I am anymore.” This internal dialogue often reflects deeper values and becomes a foundation for lasting change.

Then there is the public conversation. This is the language we use with others. Sometimes, the private identity shift is still taking shape and needs protection. A person who is working to let go of an addiction might not yet feel ready to explain themselves. Instead of disclosing a full backstory, they can simply say, “No thank you.” The simplicity is powerful. It allows the person to stay in integrity with their direction without inviting unnecessary scrutiny or placing pressure on a still-forming sense of self.

Coaching supports this process in several ways. It helps clients explore who they want to become, and then aligns language and behaviour with that version of self. It holds space for the messy, uncertain phase where the old identity is no longer true, but the new one is not yet fully lived. It also normalises the discomfort that comes with stepping out of a familiar role, especially one that may have defined a person for years.

The work of identity shift is not loud. It happens in small declarations. It is built in the quiet commitment to speak differently, to act differently, and to relate to oneself in a new way. Over time, these subtle shifts in language begin to solidify a new version of self. One that no longer circles around the addiction but moves forward with clarity and intention.

The words we choose matter. They do more than describe our reality - they create it.

Addiction Follow-up Series #02: Why We Replace One Addiction with Another

When an addiction is removed, whether gradually or abruptly, it leaves a void. That vacuum does not sit quietly. It wants to be filled. If it is not intentionally filled with something healthy, productive, or genuinely self-serving, it will often be filled by something unhelpful, even destructive.

This is the essence of addiction replacement. Research shows that a significant number of people in recovery will develop a new addiction within a few years of quitting the old one. The underlying need that fuelled the original addiction does not simply disappear - it finds new expression. Unless that need is addressed, the behaviour will re-emerge, just in a different form.

We are not designed to do nothing. Even when we speak about “taking the day to rest,” that time becomes filled with something - sleeping, reading, watching TV, scrolling, talking, or reflecting. Stillness is rarely truly still. When we remove a habit or a coping mechanism, the space it once occupied feels uncomfortable. In response, we reach for something else. If that choice is unconscious, it will often mirror the same patterns we were trying to leave behind.

This is where strategy matters. Behaviour does not shift in isolation. Self-control alone may help in the short term, but it is rarely sustainable on its own. For most people, what makes the difference is having a clear direction, some form of structure, and a level of external support.

Coaching can play a key role here. While it does not treat addiction, coaching provides a space to reflect and reset. It offers tools to help people prepare for the shift, rather than simply endure it. The work is not just about removing what no longer serves, but about choosing what will take its place.

We might begin by setting an intention. “I’m replacing scrolling with reading.” “I’m giving up alcohol in favour of time outside.” “I’m letting go of constant distraction and choosing to be present with my family.” These simple statements act as anchors, that help shape identity, and that identity begins to shape behaviour.

As the work deepens, coaching supports the replacement process through tools and structure:

~ Clear goals and a sense of purpose to draw the person forward
~ Mindset practices such as meditation, journaling, or breathing to regulate impulses
~ Healthy habits including movement, rest, hydration, and nutrition to create stability
~ Accountability structures to keep progress visible and aligned

If the person takes the lead in shaping the replacement, the transition can be purposeful, but if the space is left unattended, it is more likely to be filled by something unintentional, and in time, the new behaviour may become just as difficult to live without.

The key to understanding addiction replacement is to prepare for it and to consciously choose what takes the place of what we are giving up.

If we don’t choose, the pattern will choose for us.

As human beings, we are all prone to addiction. While the word often conjures up images of substance abuse or destructive behaviour, addiction exists on a far broader scale. It is not limited to the extremes. In reality, everyone sits somewhere along a continuum, whether they are aware of it or not.

Click on the link to read the full article.

We’re All Addicts: How Coaching Helps Us See Ourselves Clearly As human beings, we are all prone to addiction. While the word often conjures up images of substance abuse or destructive behaviour, addiction exists on a far broader scale.

Next week, Success Coaching will be publishing an article on addiction.

Not the kind you immediately think of. Not just substance use, or compulsive behaviours that destroy lives. We’re exploring the full scale, from everyday habits to deep patterns that unconsciously steer our choices.

Addiction exists in more places than we care to admit. It’s found in overwork, in constant distraction, in food, screens, validation, and more. It is often subtle, often socially acceptable, and often the very thing standing between us and the life we say we want.

The article will be followed by a series of short, focused posts that unpack specific aspects of addiction, especially how it shows up in the coaching space.
The aim is not to diagnose, but to invite reflection.

If you're curious about the topic or want to follow the full series, please check in here, and follow Success Coaching on LinkedIn where we post much more:
👉 https://lnkd.in/drncAYb2

Important note: This is not a substitute for psychology, therapy, or addiction recovery. Coaching does not replace the specialised work of those professions, nor does it attempt to. Our conversation simply acknowledges that addiction, in all its forms, can be an obstacle to growth, and that coaching, within its appropriate scope, can help individuals understand their patterns, redefine their identity, and take intentional steps forward.

Behind the Drama Lies the Truth

When we’re caught in the noise - intense emotion, overthinking, endless conversation- we often lose sight of what’s actually going on.

The drama, while very real in our experience, is rarely the full picture. It’s often a surface-level expression of something deeper: a need, a fear, a boundary, or a value being challenged.

If we can step back and separate ourselves from the emotional intensity,without dismissing it, we gain access to something more stable and useful: the underlying truth.

This is the insight.
This is the pattern.
This is the thing we’re actually trying to get to.

In coaching, leadership, and even decision-making, the ability to move beyond the noise and engage with what’s underneath is where the real progress lies.

The drama may be loud, but the truth is steady.
And when we find it, we know what to do next.

Where in your life or leadership could less noise reveal more truth?

We talk about intro- and extroversion a lot... and now ambiversion as well.

Vanessa Van Edwards is one of my favourite humans insofar as the 'science of people' is concerned. In a recent mail of hers, she wrote about some unique people skills that work especially well for introverts, one of which I would like to highlight:

Be a Laser, not a Lighthouse.

She writes:

"Instead of spreading your attention wide like a social lighthouse, plan to go deep with one person at a time.

This kind of social intention will give you clarity before parties, networking events or even days at work.

Research shows our well-being relies on the quality of our friendships, not the size of our network.

→ If you have limited social energy, spend it on getting to know one person well instead of casual chit chat with many. Pick one person each day or during each social engagement to focus on."

How does this sound to you? To some, I suspect that just the idea is a weight off your shoulders!