Transition 2 Adulthood - Parenting Teens Today

"The Importance of Being Little" by Erika Christakis argues for a shift in how we approach early childhood. The book champions fostering a child's natural curiosity and love of learning through play, exploration, and strong relationships rather than the current focus on academics in early childhood education. This is a must-read for parents, educators, and anyone interested in fostering a nurturing and stimulating environment for young children. Here are some key takeaways:

1. Embrace the Journey: Many parents view childhood as a race to get children "ready" for kindergarten or beyond. The Importance of Being Little reminds us that childhood is a valuable journey in itself. Don't pressure your child to achieve specific academic goals at a young age. Focus on creating an environment that sparks their curiosity and allows them to learn and explore at their own pace.

2. Motivation Matters More Than Rewards: Traditional methods often rely on rewards (stickers, praise) and punishments (time-outs) for behavior management. Christakis argues that these extrinsic motivators can undermine a child's intrinsic motivation – the natural desire to learn and explore. Instead, focus on open communication and positive reinforcement. Help them understand the impact of their actions and the natural consequences.

3. The Power of Play: Play is not just about fun and games; it's essential for a child's development. Through open-ended play (think building blocks, dress-up, imaginative scenarios), children explore their creativity, problem-solve, develop social skills, and learn about the world around them.

4. Building the Foundation: Feeling loved and accepted unconditionally is crucial for a child's well-being. The Importance of Being Little emphasizes the importance of strong, secure relationships with caregivers. This sense of security allows children to feel safe to take risks, explore their environment, and learn new things.

5. Conversations, Stories, and Songs: Formal lessons aren't the only way to help your child develop language skills. Everyday interactions like conversations, storytelling, and singing are filled with rich opportunities for language learning. Engage your child, ask open-ended questions, and listen attentively.

6. Emotional Intelligence: The Importance of Being Little goes beyond academics. Helping children understand and manage their emotions is vital. Validate their feelings, teach healthy coping mechanisms, and model emotional intelligence yourself.

7. Unstructured Time: Freedom to Explore, Freedom to Learn: Children learn best by doing and exploring. Provide unstructured time for them to follow their interests and curiosity at their own pace. This allows them to develop a love of learning, independence, and a sense of self-discovery.

8. Boundaries Provide Security, Not Stifle Growth: While The Importance of Being Little advocates for freedom and exploration, it doesn't mean a lack of boundaries. Clear and consistent limits create a safe and secure environment for children. Set age-appropriate expectations and provide guidance in a loving and respectful way.

9. Beyond Peers: The Irreplaceable Role of Adults: While peer interaction is important for social development, Christakis reminds us that children still crave adult connection. Spend quality time with your child, engaging in activities they enjoy, talking, and building a strong bond.

10. Lifelong Learners and Responsible Individuals: By prioritizing exploration, play, and positive relationships, you nurture your child's natural curiosity and love of learning. This, in turn, lays the foundation for them to become confident, responsible, and lifelong learners who are intrinsically motivated to explore the world and reach their goals.

"The Absent Father Effect on Daughters" by Susan E. Schwartz delves into the profound impact that the absence of a father can have on a daughter's development, identity, and emotional well-being. Through a psychological lens, Schwartz explores how this absence—whether physical, emotional, or both—affects daughters and shapes their adult lives.

Here are several key lessons from the book

1. Understanding the Impact of Absence: The book highlights the importance of recognizing the depth and breadth of the impact an absent father can have on a daughter's psyche. This absence can manifest in various aspects of life, including issues with self-esteem, difficulties in forming healthy relationships, and challenges in understanding one's identity.

2. The Role of Recognition and Acknowledgment: A vital step in addressing the effects of an absent father is the acknowledgment of his absence and its impact. Recognizing these effects allows for the beginning of healing and provides a framework for understanding behaviors and emotions that may have been confusing or painful.

3. Navigating the Path to Healing: Schwartz offers insights into the healing process, emphasizing that while the journey is personal and can be challenging, it is also filled with opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Healing may involve therapy, creating supportive relationships, and engaging in self-care practices.

4. The Importance of External Support Systems: The book suggests that building a strong support system is crucial for daughters dealing with the absence of a father. This support can come from other family members, friends, mentors, or professional counselors who can provide understanding, validation, and guidance.

5. Exploring One's Identity Beyond Absence: One of the lessons is the encouragement for daughters to explore and define their identity independently of the father's absence. This exploration can lead to a more robust sense of self and a reclamation of power over one's life narrative.

6. Developing Healthy Relationships: Schwartz discusses the impact of an absent father on a daughter's relationships, particularly in choosing partners and establishing boundaries. The book offers strategies for understanding and breaking patterns that may lead to unhealthy relationship choices.

7. The Power of Narrative: There's a focus on the power of personal narrative and storytelling in healing. By reframing their stories, daughters can find meaning in their experiences and move towards a more empowered and self-aware future.

8. The Role of Forgiveness: The concept of forgiveness, both of oneself and the absent father, is explored as a potential component of healing. Forgiveness is presented not as an obligation but as a choice that can lead to emotional freedom.

9. Empowerment through Understanding: Gaining insight into the ways in which an absent father has influenced one's life can be incredibly empowering. It allows for a reclaiming of control over one's emotional well-being and life decisions.

10. The Continuum of Absence: Schwartz acknowledges that absence can vary in degree and type, affecting daughters in uniquely individual ways. Understanding this spectrum is crucial in addressing and healing from its effects personally and sensitively.

"The Absent Father Effect on Daughters" is a comprehensive guide to understanding and healing from the complex dynamics of growing up without a father's presence. It provides valuable insights and practical advice for those looking to navigate the challenges and find a path toward healing and fulfillment.

Connected 2022 Online Parenting Conference Speaker Megan de Beyer

Megan is a psychologist with 30 years of varied experience ranging from individual and relationship to family and group psychotherapy.

Her work integrates Eastern philosophy, Western Psychology and Holistic Ecology and her approach is therefore multi-disciplinary.

As a mother of two young men, adolescent development and masculinity have been a focus of her research the past 17 years.

As a result, she has helped thousands of parents understand and heal their relationships with their teenagers.

She is motivated to bring harmony, depth, and clarity to familial relationships using proven tools.

Megan has worked all over South Africa as well as in Australia, the UK and California.

In 1999-2002 she toured SA with ‘2M-Power’, focusing primarily on large-scale woman’s empowerment groups.

Since 2004, she has run successful and well-subscribed Mothers and Sons courses at most Independent boys’ schools in South Africa, growing the course offering to include all parents.

She has written several articles for parent24.com as the teen expert. and has also contributed to woman’s magazines, radio, and TV as a parenting expert.

Go to http://www.transition2adulthood.co.za/ to register today!

7 Tips for Parenting Teens

In this article, you'll find seven ways to deal with negative teens, with explanations for each tip.

1. Let them complain

It's easy for moms and dads to become drained by their teenager's steady flow of complaints. They may even perceive it as a personal attack on their parenting, reacting with anger and defensiveness. Yet, when they understand why their teen kvetches to them, they can respond with patience and compassion.

For too long, I let my son's unfavorable dinner reviews ruin my good mood. He criticized the food that I prepared as being too spicy, too dry, too chewy, or too bland. Yet, when I finally stepped back from the situation, I knew not to take it personally. After interacting with peers all day at middle school, he needed to release his pent-up frustrations in an environment where he felt loved and accepted: our family dinner table.

It makes sense that teenagers are especially negative at home. After all, it's a safe place to show the worst part of themselves. Debbie Pincus, a counselor for more than 25 years, says teens sound off to parents as a way to cope with stress. Moms and dads, she cautions, should listen but not offer solutions, try to fix the problem, or be judgmental.

Pincus states: “Negativity and complaining are actually ways to manage anxiety. When your child complains, she feels better because she's expressing herself and venting her worries and fears. If you don't react to it from your own anxiety, your child will move on.”

2. Know that their negativity is only temporary

t's helpful for parents to keep in mind that negativity is a normal stage of development but won't last forever. Teens are no longer sweet little kids—thrilled about losing a tooth, eager about Saturday's soccer game, and enthralled with their school. They've reached a point where being negative is cool.

Hanging out with buddies and griping about their parents, teachers, and classmates is what teens like to do. Moreover, research shows that it's actually beneficial. When teens gather for a bitch fest, they're connecting with one another over common experiences and, therefore, no longer feel alone. They're less likely to get depressed, anxious, and suicidal when opening up and commiserating with one another.

3. Accept egocentrism as a normal part of their development

When I was a rookie preschool teacher with a bad headache, I gathered the class on the carpet and explained my plight. I enlisted their help: to share toys, get along with one another, and speak softly.

Much to my relief, they all enthusiastically agreed to do so. Within minutes, though, the room was noisy and chaotic and all their concern about my well-being had vanished. I thought: How can they be so selfish and insensitive to my suffering?

Looking back on that day, I just chuckle at my ignorance about child development. Decades later, more experienced and educated, I now know that those kids were just being typical self-centered 4-year-olds. I was the one in the wrong for holding them to such a ridiculously unreasonable standard.

Similarly, moms and dads can save themselves a lot of heartache by accepting that teenagers are also egocentric. An important part of their brains that controls judgment, insight, impulse control, and emotion—the frontal lobe—is not yet fully developed. Therefore, teens struggle with evaluating the consequences of their actions and how those actions impact others. They live in the moment and focus on themselves.

4. Be patient

Parents shouldn't perceive their teen's self-absorption as a permanent flaw in their character but as simply a normal stage in their development. They should, however, plan on being patient. Research shows that a teenager's brain may not reach its full development until their mid to late 20s or possibly even their early 30s.

Furthermore, new findings suggest that teens are not yet fully capable of reading another person's emotions. They can struggle to accurately interpret non-verbal cues such as body language and facial expressions. They can falter when trying to decipher verbal cues such as tone of voice.

Because of these deficiencies in understanding communication, teens can seem even more egocentric and less empathetic. Moms and dads should plan on being patient. A teenager's ability to effectively read verbal and nonverbal cues may not kick in until the last stage of brain development.

5. Let them open up when they're ready

When my son arrives home from middle school, there are only two things on his mind: getting something to eat and spending time alone. After all, he has been surrounded by hundreds of other teens for seven long hours. He needs to decompress and who can blame him! The last thing he wants is for me to ask him a litany of questions about his day.

As a parent, I've come to realize that when we speak with our teenagers is just as important as what we say. Conversation flows better when we talk with our teens on their schedules, not ours. Just because it's convenient for us to listen on the drive home from school, doesn't mean that's the ideal time for them to open up and get chatty. In fact, it might be the worst time!

6. Eat dinner together as a family

Eating dinner together provides the perfect opportunity to talk with and listen to your teen. It should be a tech-free period with no television, cell phones, and i-pads. According to Joseph Califano Jr., president of The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, “one of the simplest and most effective ways for parents to be engaged in their teens' lives is by having frequent family dinners.”

In fact, eating dinner together has many benefits. Research shows that kids who regularly have meals with their families are more likely to get better grades, maintain a proper weight, and deal effectively with stress. They're less likely to use ci******es, alcohol, and ma*****na.

7. See your child as your greatest teacher

The most consequential step in building a solid relationship with your teen is the most challenging one. It requires adopting a radically different way of parenting than our society currently endorses.

Most moms and dads use a top-down approach when rearing their children. They’re the authority figures, the bosses, and the guides while their kids are the subordinates. Because they’re older, more experienced, and supposedly wiser, parents are convinced that they’re well-equipped to usher their children through life.

Connected 2022 Speaker Announcement - Marina Passalaris, Founder and CEO of Beautiful Minds a school dedicated to educating girls about self-esteem, etiquette and life skills to help them become confident and dynamic individuals.

Marina is a South African Expat now based in Australia’s Sunshine Coast. She founded Beautiful Minds to tackle the tough topics of adolescences such as confidence, self-esteem, friendships, fashion, smoking, relationships, nutrition, bullying, etiquette, mother/ daughter relationships, drugs and alcohol, money and budgeting, self-harm, social media, peer pressure, depression, setting goals etc.

Beautiful Minds brings these issues to light so our youth feel empowered, educated and supported throughout their often-challenging journey of being a teenager.

Today, Marina and her team of 85 expert educators, deliver workshops to thousands of Australian teens and adults each year. She has received both national and international press for the success of her business and the impact she has on the community. This year, Marina was interviewed by The Washington Post, selected as a world leader in the youth space.

This year, Beautiful Minds educated 1.5 million school students through their school diary content. The Beautiful Minds content has the approval of the Australian Education Department with content being gifted to 3.5 million parents through an online school diary.

As of 2019, Beautiful Minds will be available worldwide through our series of online programs and regular events hosted in Australia and the US.

The Teenage Brain!

Many parents do not understand why their teenagers occasionally behave in an impulsive, irrational, or dangerous way.

At times, it seems like teens don't think things through or fully consider the consequences of their actions.

Adolescents differ from adults in the way they behave, solve problems, and make decisions.

There is a biological explanation for this difference.

Studies have shown that brains continue to mature and develop throughout childhood and adolescence and well into early adulthood.

Scientists have identified a specific region of the brain called the amygdala that is responsible for immediate reactions including fear and aggressive behavior.

This region develops early. However, the frontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls reasoning and helps us think before we act, develops later.

This part of the brain is still changing and maturing well into adulthood.

Other changes in the brain during adolescence include a rapid increase in the connections between the brain cells and making the brain pathways more effective.

Nerve cells develop myelin, an insulating layer that helps cells communicate. All these changes are essential for the development of coordinated thought, action, and behavior.

Changing Brains Mean that Adolescents Act Differently From Adults

Pictures of the brain in action show that adolescents' brains work differently than adults when they make decisions or solve problems.

Their actions are guided more by the emotional and reactive amygdala and less by the thoughtful, logical frontal cortex.

Research has also shown that exposure to drugs and alcohol during the teen years can change or delay these developments.

Based on the stage of their brain development, adolescents are more likely to:

- act on impulse
- misread or misinterpret social cues and emotions
- get into accidents of all kinds
- get involved in fights
- engage in dangerous or risky behavior

Adolescents are less likely to:

- think before they act
- pause to consider the consequences of their actions
- change their dangerous or inappropriate behaviors

These brain differences don't mean that young people can't make good decisions or tell the difference between right and wrong.

It also doesn't mean that they shouldn't be held responsible for their actions.

However, an awareness of these differences can help parents, teachers, advocates, and policy makers understand, anticipate, and manage the behavior of adolescents.