Foundational Truths

The way we stigmatize single women, it’s no wonder some might consider helping their struggling boyfriends pay lobola.

Honestly, I wouldn’t condemn a woman for doing so. If both parties in the relationship are comfortable with the arrangement, who are we to judge? Isn’t marriage supposed to be a partnership?

If this is how they choose to support each other, let them be.

"We listen, we don't judge"

THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST IS NOT ATTRACTIVE

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is not meant to be attractive by worldly standards. There is nothing glamorous or appealing about a man dying, bloody and naked, on a rugged cross.

When we use phrases like "making the Gospel attractive," we risk distorting its essence. Such attempts often involve polishing and diluting the message—smoothing out its rough, confrontational edges and turning the cross into nothing more than a fashion accessory around the neck.

In modern times, this "attractiveness" gets wrapped in shiny suits, bleached skin, pointed shoes, and accents borrowed from America or Nigeria. But the true Gospel is not about appearances or trends. It confronts sin, calls for repentance, and reveals the sacrifice of Christ—a message far from the glamour we sometimes try to associate with it.

As Isaiah 53 reminds us:

"He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering..."

This was the Messiah—unassuming, rejected, and deeply acquainted with pain. The Gospel's power lies not in its outward appeal but in the transformative truth of Christ's sacrifice and resurrection. It doesn't need to be made attractive; it needs to be preached in its fullness.

I have some advice for young men seeking marriage. First, let me say that marriage is a beautiful thing. By the grace of God, I have been married for close to three decades, and one lesson marriage will teach you is patience.

Here’s an example: most couples start a shopping trip happily, but by the end, they’re either arguing or not speaking to each other.

Young men, let me prepare you for this—your wife will never feel like she has enough clothes. Her closet could be overflowing, with extra clothes packed in suitcases, yet she will still say, "I have nothing to wear."

For every occasion—birthdays, weddings, graduations, baby dedications, end-of-year functions, funerals, Valentine’s Day, or even girls' sleepovers—she will need a new outfit.

As a wise husband who values peace, never point to the pile of clothes at home and say, "You already have enough clothes." Trust me, never say that. Instead, agree with her because, after all,

“we listen, we don’t judge.”

Now, let’s talk about shopping for her clothes. If she tries on a blue dress and a red dress and asks you which one is better, remember this: she doesn’t need your opinion. Unless you’re a professional fashion designer, your sense of style is not what she’s looking for.

Just say, "I like the red dress more." She will probably choose the blue dress and leave the red one behind, but don’t ask why she asked for your opinion in the first place.

Again, “we listen, we don’t judge.”

Prepare yourself for the endless shop-hopping. She might visit seven stores, and just when you think it’s over, she’ll decide she wants the dress she saw in the first shop.

Your feet will ache, your patience will wear thin, your temper will rise, and your sugar levels might drop. But stay calm, control your emotions, and follow the daughter of Eve.

Remember, "we listen, we don't judge"

What I appreciate about modern shopping malls is the lounges they’ve created for husbands. These sanctuaries offer a place to sit, relax, and even doze off while she searches for the perfect dress.

However, if you’re newly married, you haven’t earned the right to claim the couch yet. In the early years, you must endure the full shopping experience. Once you reach my stage in marriage, you can say, "Honey, I’ll be in the lounge," and wait for her there.

The point is; "we listen, we don't judge"

The truth is, men generally don’t enjoy shopping with women—it’s exhausting, even when it’s her money being spent. And if she doesn’t trust your fashion opinions, it can feel even more frustrating. But here’s the key: if you can stand by her through it all—loving her even when she takes you to countless shops—you’ll build a strong marriage.

Talking about love, "we listen, we don't judge"

Remember, she will always want new clothes, and some of the outfits in her closet may never be worn again. But that’s part of the journey. Patience and love will see you through, and it’s worth it.

That's why, "we listen, we don't judge"

A child who stays in school for 12 years deserves to be celebrated. And celebration isn’t meant to be private but a public acknowledgment of their perseverance to reach matric. When matric results are released, children are celebrated publicly for their achievements, and that is perfectly fine.

But listen to this, Mzalwane: sometimes, the reason they Nicodemusly (secretly) ask you to take down posts and pictures of your celebrations is rooted in superstition—they fear that “enemies” will see and bewitch your child for their success.

More often, however, it’s not about witchcraft but about their gossip not aligning with the truth. The photos you post and the stories they’ve been spreading about you don’t match. So, they ask you to remove the evidence to avoid being exposed as liars. The gossip may have gone ahead of them, but your receipts—the posts and pictures—paint a different story from the lies they’ve told.

Celebrate your loved ones boldly. Witchcraft will not succeed. Rejoice in the Lord and give thanks for the victories He has granted you. And if your friend's child has failed, encourage them to try again. But don’t dim your own joy or stop celebrating your child’s success simply because someone else’s child didn’t make it.

These days, we enable injustice by justifying it as a "different opinion." Listen, Mzalwane:

● Sexism is not a different opinion.

● Racism is not a different opinion.

● Homophobia is not a different opinion.

● Xenophobia is not a different opinion.

● Tribalism is not a different opinion.

● Body shaming is not a different opinion.

● Insults are not a different opinion.

These are all social ills, and we must stop normalizing them by masking them as "opinions." They are harmful, not harmless viewpoints.

I’ve made a decision to stop engaging with anyone who exhibits these behaviors and refuses to apologize. For example, someone insulted another person on social media, and a friend I’ve known for over 10 years liked that insulting comment. I blocked them.

We need to stop arguing with people who take pleasure in tearing others down for social media clout. Instead, let’s focus on building a community that stands against such toxic behaviors.

Some men will often settle in their second or third marriage. This is true if the man has learned lessons from his previous marriage.

But with ladies, they become more sensitive in their second or third marriage because the trauma from past relationships is carried into the next one.

Often, her reaction to you may surprise or shock you—not because you have done anything wrong.

As a man, you need to understand where your queen is coming from and what she has been through.

All she needs is assurance, through actions and sometimes through words, that you love her, see her, appreciate her, and give her your undivided attention.

But remember Bazalwane that this doesn't apply universally because people and relationships are unique and dynamic.

Don’t waste your time arguing with someone who bought their educational credentials on the streets.

A person who paid others to write their academic assignments and papers all the way to graduation cannot be taken seriously in intellectual debates.

If I’m going to engage with anyone, it would be with the person who actually wrote those assignments, not someone flaunting a "Dr." or "PhD" title that represents fraud.

The problem is rampant on these social media streets. We’re out here debating with academic fraudsters.

What’s worse is that there are parents funding this deceit—they give their children money to pay others to write papers for them at university. Why?

Because the parents themselves desperately wanted a PhD but failed to achieve it, so they’re now living vicariously through their children, willing to cheat their way to that title at any cost.

This trend is a reflection of our compromised academic integrity and the misplaced value society places on titles over actual knowledge. It’s not just dishonest; it’s a disservice to education as a whole.

Unfortunately the Church which is the light of the world has her Pastors having PhDs from the Universities of Nowhere! God doesn't need you to acquire a PhD in order to use you. Drop those fake credentials and preach Christ to the world.

TAPPING INTO THE ANOINTING: A Scam Practiced By Pulpit Bandits

Tapping into the anointing is the term used by pulpit bandits, characterized by the means of grace being on sale to the highest bidder, much like the selling of indulgences in the medieval church. The man of God declares that to be blessed by God, one must sow a seed to activate the blessings.

Planting seeds has become common in the African Pentecostal church because of the lingering ATR worldview of appeasing ancestors and witch doctors.

Often, men of God even compare this practice with witch doctors, saying things like, "Can you appear before a witch-Doctor without a goat, chicken, or cash?"

Similarly, like Sangomas, they require that when you appear before a man of God, you don’t appear empty-handed.

The seed-sowing concept involves giving money to the man of God, who claims this is how one can connect to the grace of God upon their life. This concept is promoted with creative phrases such as:

• Tapping into the anointing

• Breaking down evil altars

• Building up new altars to the Lord

• Sacrificial seed

• Dangerous giving

• Speaking to your seed

• The altar will speak for you

• Where is your Isaac?

• Provoking the anointing

• Name it and claim it

• The anointing you despise can't work for you

All these phrases are used by the man of God to extort money from helpless Pentecostal churchgoers.

These phrases are just different ways to extract money from gullible followers, done with such aggressiveness that people feel scared not to give or are guilt-tripped into giving money and property.

This is not of God. And people of God must make a stand against pulpit bandits. There are Biblical ways to support your Pastor who labors faithfully in the house of God, not the phrases used above. We are enabling tricksters, fraudsters basically wolves in sheep's clothing to do as they wish with tax free extortion money.

It will take some time for some people to get used to the New You!

They are so used to ordering you around, shouting at you, maligning you, gossiping about you, bullying you, insulting you, looking down on you, belittling you & excluding you.

Now that you have put your foot down and said; "Not again! Not anymore!" They are starting to throw tantrums.

Watch them go through their emotions until they realize that the hold they had on you is broken! Until they realize that the bottle in which they locked you up is broken!

DEZEMBER 2 REMEMBER: A Month of Joy and Sadness

December is often celebrated as a month of festivities, travel, holidays, new clothes, and delicious food. However, for many, it is also a time of deep emotional struggles. Some sink into depression, and tragically, some even consider or commit su***de. One significant reason for this is the traditionally family-oriented nature of the holidays.

Questions like, "Where are you spending Christmas?" or "Are you going home for Christmas?" may seem innocent and perfectly normal. After all, the expectation is that everyone has a family or place to call home. Yet, for some, these questions highlight painful realities—they may not have families to visit or celebrate with.

While many retreat to their family corners, braaing, laughing, and sharing drinks, others are painfully reminded of what they have lost. They think, "I wish my parents and siblings hadn’t died in that accident," or "If only I were married with children, we’d be putting up a Christmas tree and lights, buying gifts, and wearing matching pajamas."

For those of us who have families to go home to, this is a privilege—a blessing to be deeply grateful for. However, December isn't just difficult for those without families. Unfulfilled expectations and dreams for the year can also bring a sense of failure or disappointment.

On your vision board, maybe you wrote, “In 2024, I will buy a car or a house,” but unexpected troubles derailed those plans.

Christians may recall prophetic declarations from the pulpit—words like, “In 2024, you will drive a beautiful car,” or “God will grant you a marriage partner,” or “Your promotion, breakthrough, or fruit of the womb is coming.” Now, as December arrives with those promises unfulfilled, the weight of disappointment can feel overwhelming.

A MESSAGE OF HOPE

To anyone feeling low in spirit this December, remember this: God does not operate according to our calendars. He exists outside of time, and His plans unfold in His perfect timing. In Ecclesiastes 3:11, we are reminded:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

December may feel like the end of the road, but in God’s realm, it is simply another moment where His plans are at work. Align your spirit with His will, and trust that He is weaving something beautiful, even if you can’t yet see it.

ACTS OF KINDNESS

As we navigate this season, let us be mindful of those who may be struggling. If you have a family, consider including someone who doesn’t in your celebrations. For some, however, going home isn’t a joyful option. They might have to face relatives who have hurt them—uncles who abused them, aunties who silenced them, or others who inflicted deep emotional wounds. If this resonates with you, it’s okay not to go back. You can create your own space of joy and peace, even in the city.

To everyone, let us practice kindness. A simple rude word could push someone already broken to the edge. Instead, reach out with compassion and generosity.

HOLD ON TO HOPE

If things haven’t worked out this year, remember that God is a covenant-keeping God. It may not happen today, or even this month, but He is alive and active, working behind the scenes in your favor. Everything will be okay—just hang in there. Your Redeemer is Alive, faithful, and He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Let’s make December not just a time of celebration but also a season of hope, kindness, and love.