09/16/2026
I need to make a very PUBLIC announcement on behalf of baby boomers who grew up in the 70’s.
If you see someone who seems a little boring now, I need you to understand something...
We already got it in.
Like...GOT. IT. IN.
We are not sitting home on a Friday night because we never knew how to have fun.
We are sitting home on a Friday night because we have seen enough.
We went to parties in houses that should have been condemned and were almost certainly owned by the local drug dealer.
We saw police lights and RAN and not across a nice, flat field.
INTO THE WOODS.
Do you understand the athleticism required to hurdle uprooted tree roots in platform shoes while simultaneously trying to keep your bell-bottom jeans from making you trip.
And somehow...we never spilled the b**r.
That was TALENT.
We slept on floors in strange houses because the designated driver either never showed up or, in a shocking turn of events, was drunker than everybody else.
There were no cell phones, no social media, or Uber.
There was just somebody named James saying, “I know a shortcut.”
And we FOLLOWED JAMES.
We closed down bars and then decided the night was still young, so we drove to after our party, where we somehow managed to get high, drunk, sober up, get drunk again, sober up again and then get drunk a THIRD TIME before breakfast at Perkins.
Eating pizza and watching movies.
Cruising Market Street.
We drank Micky’s, Boone’s Farm, and a thing called Mad Dog 20/20 and whatever somebody mixed inside a giant plastic garbage can. Nobody asked what was in it. You grabbed a cup and trusted the process.
We went to The Tomorrow Club or Pogo’s until the lights came on. Do you know the psychological damage of seeing a bar with the LIGHTS ON? Nothing good happens after those lights come on.
We danced for four straight hours in shoes that permanently altered the structure of our feet.
We made entire plans without cell phones...no texts, dropped pins or group chats...just an extremely questionable sense of direction.
We rode in cars with 11 people when the vehicle legally seated five. Someone was always sitting on someone. Someone was always in the hatchback.
And there was always one friend yelling, “DUCK!” when we passed a cop.
So yes...now we like being home.
We like sweatpants.
We like cancelling plans.
We like saying, “That sounds fun!” with absolutely no intention of attending.
We like restaurants at 5:30 because we can get a good table.
We like being home by 8:17.
And if someone texts at 9:30 PM and says, “What are you doing?”
Sleeping...we are sleeping.
Because this is not boring my friends...this is retirement.
We already played, partied and danced on the bar.
We already ran from the cops through a wooded area in Converse Chuck Taylor’s .
We have stories that cannot be posted because there are still people with careers, marriages and reputations to protect. And thank GOD there were no camera phones.
So kids, when you look at your boomer parents sitting peacefully on the couch watching PBS at 8 PM and think:
“God, you guys are boring.”
Sweetheart...oh sweetheart.
You are looking at retired legends. Put some respect on our names.
xo,
The most boring 60 something year old
(Copied and altered from an unknown GenX post)
