10/11/2026
BREAKING: Trump just signed the Chest Monday Federal Holiday Act into law, effective immediately. Anyone caught skipping bench press on a Monday will be named, shamed, and placed on a federal watchlist.
The Patriotic Pectoral Protection Act mandates that every American citizen perform no fewer than 3 sets of chest work before noon every Monday. Gyms that allow leg training on federal chest day will have their permits reviewed by the newly formed Department of Swole Operations.
All Monday training sessions must be logged with the Bureau of Gains Compliance by December 31, 2026, with annual audits every Monday thereafter. Gym cameras, spotter witnesses, and pump selfies submitted to the DSO all count as valid verification.
Trump: "Nobody has ever built a chest like mine, believe me. Tremendous chest. The best chest. Weak countries do legs on Monday, strong countries do chest. America is done being weak. We're bringing back the flat bench, the incline bench, the cable fly, and frankly the dumbbell press has never looked better than it does right now under my administration. Fake News said chest day couldn't be a holiday. Wrong. It's the most beautiful holiday, maybe ever. We are making America Swole Again, and we call it MASA."
Details:
- Compliance deadline: December 31, 2026. Annual re-certification required every first Monday of the new year thereafter.
- Verification: Submit pump selfie, spotter affidavit, or gym security footage to the Department of Swole Operations within 24 hours of training.
- Pass tier: Complete 3+ chest sets before noon = $500 Patriot Pump Tax Credit + official "Gold Pec" status designation.
- Fail tier: Under 1 set logged = $2,000 Chest Neglect Penalty + mandatory enrollment in the 12-week National Bench Re-Education Program.
- Bonus tier: Log 5+ sets including incline and cable work = Platinum Swole Badge + $1,500 multiplied credit + VIP access to the inaugural White House Bench Press Classic.
- Non-compliance escalation: Repeat leg-day-on-Monday offenders will be featured on the DSO's Most Wanted: Skipped Chest board, displayed in post offices nationwide.
The weak skipped chest day for years while the strong carried this country on their pecs. That era is over. Every Monday belongs to the bench press now, and the people who built this country with their hands and their upper body are finally getting the federal recognition they deserve. Monday is chest day. This is non-negotiable. MASA.