Let's Talk Polyamory Podcast with T&A

83: Carversations: Anxiety, Jealousy & When Our Brains Make Sh*t Up
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/letstalkpolyamory/episodes/83-Carversations-Anxiety--Jealousy--When-Our-Brains-Make-Sht-Up-e3n85v2
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🎙️ NEW EPISODE: Carversations: Anxiety, Jealousy & When Our Brains Make Sh*t Up

“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” — Mark Twain

Ever notice how quickly your brain can take one small piece of uncertainty and create an entire worst-case scenario around it? 🙋♀️

In our latest carversation, recorded while road-tripping through Morocco in June, we start with a very real moment when Tara was convinced she’d put the wrong location into the GPS and that our remaining 15-minute drive was actually going to be another TWO HOURS.

It wasn’t. 😂
But the anxiety was real.

We talk about what André did in that moment that helped, strategies for managing anxiety when it shows up, and the reality that even as a coach and therapist, sometimes we have to coach our damn selves.

And then we take that conversation into relationships.

What happens when uncertainty becomes jealousy? When opening a relationship leads our brains to jump to “If my partner meets someone else, they might leave me”? And what if we could shift that story to “My partner can connect with other people and also continue to choose me over and over again”?

We get into anxiety, jealousy, reassurance, future forecasting, relationship agreements and the stories our brains sometimes make up when we don’t know what’s going to happen.

🎧 Listen to episode wherever you get your podcasts. Link in the first comment!

And if some of this feels a little too familiar and you’d like support navigating it in your own life or relationships, we currently have space in our calendars for new coaching and therapy clients.

Send us a DM or reach out to book a call and let’s talk about what support could look like for you. 💜

54 Years. Five Beliefs.
Belief #5: Success is living in alignment with your values.

This is the last belief in the series and it ties all the others together.

Like many people, I've set financial goals throughout my life.

But somewhere along the way, I realized money wasn't the thing I was chasing. It was what I hoped money would give me: freedom, choice, time, travel, experiences.

When I met André in 2017, one of the things that fascinated me was that his practice was fully online. His business supported the life he wanted to live, instead of the other way around.

I remember thinking, "That's the kind of life I want to create." A seed was planted and it changed my definition of success.

I couldn't have predicted we'd launch T&A Coaching & Therapy, start a podcast and community and that I'd create The Suite Spot by TLF.

The Suite Spot wasn't part of some grand business plan. I started using HighLevel to run my own business, then people started asked me for help with theirs.

I love that work because it's about much more than technology. When someone's business runs well behind the scenes, they have more space to coach, create, travel, spend time with family, or take a day off without worrying something's been forgotten.

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in my parents' kitchen. A few months ago, André and I were travelling through Morocco. We've also said yes to a month-long home exchange in Bali.

For me, these things represent what I value: freedom. I still work hard. And I'm building a business that supports the life I want, instead of asking my life to fit around my work.

Your values might be different... family, health, creativity, community, contribution, adventure. I hope you're building your own version of success that's measured by whether your life reflects what matters most to you.

🌱 Today's Reflection:
If someone looked at your calendar, what would they say you value most? Would you agree?

Thank you for following along. This series has reminded me how grateful I am for the people who've walked alongside me, challenged me, encouraged me, and inspired me.

54 Years. Five Beliefs.
Belief #4: The possible and impossible are equally possible.

Yesterday, André and I headed out on one of our favourite things to do together: a mini-adventure.

We hopped on the Toronto city bikes, rode along the waterfront, explored a cool new park, wandered through The Beaches, tried a Georgian restaurant we'd never been to before, and simply enjoyed the day.

Along the way, we made a decision.
We said yes to a month-long home exchange in Bali.

If someone had told me when I returned to work part time for the government 3 years ago that I'd be spending a month in Morocco, taking another leave, working full-time online again, considering living in Bali for a month as a digital, and building a business I genuinely love, I probably would have smiled and said, "That sounds like my dream but I'm not sure that's possible."

Except... now it is.

Not because I planned every detail.
Not because I knew exactly how it would happen.

But because I stopped letting today's reality define tomorrow's possibilities and of course, The Happy Plan 😀

That doesn't mean life is one big adventure.

Yesterday's mini-adventure didn't start until 3:00 because we'd both spent the morning and early afternoon catching up on work.

Building a business still takes work.
Relationships still take work (mini-adventures help 😉).
Life still has challenges.

But I've learned that creating a life you love isn't about escaping responsibility.

It's about creating space for the things that matter, staying open to opportunities, and saying yes when something feels right.

Looking back, so many things I once thought were impossible have simply become... normal.

Which makes me wonder what's the next "feels impossible today" that might one day become part of my everyday life??? What's yours?

🌱 Today's Reflection
What's something you've decided isn't possible for you?
What if, instead of deciding it can't happen, you simply stayed open to the possibility that life might surprise you?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

✨54 Years. Five Beliefs.
Belief #3: Follow Your Happy Plan.

When I first started this series, I promised to share five beliefs that have shaped my life.

Today's is probably the oldest.
It's a belief I've been following for more than 25 years.

Despite the name, my Happy Plan isn't actually a plan.
It's a way of moving through life.

Back in 2000 (anyone else remember Y2K?), my life looked very different.

I was on the verge of divorce and standing at a crossroads, trying to figure out what came next.

I didn't have all the answers.

But I did know I wanted to create a life that felt aligned with who I knew myself to be, what I valued, and the kind of life I wanted to build.

So I started paying attention to the moments, opportunities, and experiences that genuinely lit me up.

What made me curious.
What gave me energy.
What made me feel more alive.

Not because those paths were easy. They weren't.
But because they felt like the right choices for me.

Over the years, following my Happy Plan has taken me to places I never could have predicted.

✨ Leaving the security of a government job to study ceramics full-time.
✨ Moving across the country to Red Deer, Alberta for a year to work as a ceramics technician at an art school with an inspiring head of ceramics.
✨ Taking a leave of absence during the pandemic to start a coaching business and launch a podcast.

And now, taking another leave to see what is possible when I give that work my full attention.

This week felt different. Because Tuesday and Wednesday, the two days that had belonged to my government job for the past few years, suddenly belonged to me.

Instead of heading into the office, I spent my time building relationships, exploring partnerships, creating something new for my clients (you may like it too...), and ending each day feeling energized.

The Happy Plan isn't about having the perfect roadmap. It's about staying curious, noticing what lights you up, and having the courage to follow where it leads.

🌱 Today's Reflection
When was the last time you felt truly energized by something you were doing?
What were you doing?
What if those moments aren't random and are pointing to your Happy Plan?

54 Years. Five Beliefs.
Belief #2: The people beside us matter more than the path itself.**

It's Tuesday.

Normally, today I'd be putting on my Ontario government hat and heading into the office or logging in from home.

Instead, this week looks very different.

Yesterday, what was intended to be a casual lunch at Wildwoods Retreats with four amazing women turned into one of those days that fills your cup in all the best ways.

We laughed.
We shared ideas and brainstormed.
We celebrated.
We inspired one another.

And somewhere in those conversations, I was reminded of one of the beliefs that has shaped my life:

✨The people beside us matter more than the path itself.

Over the years, I've learned that we all need people who invite us to be fully ourselves.

The people we can laugh with, cry with, dream with, and who celebrate our successes while gently challenging us to grow.

Yesterday reminded me that meaningful relationships aren't only built over decades. Sometimes they are built through showing up authentically, listening generously, and genuinely wanting the best for one another.

I've known Lisa McPhee for more than ten years. She's one of my closest friends and now my business partner.

Over the past six months, I've also had the opportunity to get to know Jennifer Brouwer (Wildwoods Retreats), Diana YK Chan, MBA and Keka DasGupta.

Each time we've spent together, I've walked away feeling more connected, inspired, and grateful.

Rich, meaningful relationships aren't measured only by how long we've known someone.

They're measured by how safe we feel to show up exactly as we are, and how we feel after spending time together.

As a coach, I know that growth doesn't happen in isolation. The people beside us influence what we believe is possible, even when it might seem impossible.

I'm incredibly grateful for everyone who has walked alongside me, whether for years or for a season. You all leave an imprint. ❤️

🌱 Today's Reflection

Who is someone in your life who leaves you feeling more like yourself, energized, and inspired? Do they know?

Maybe today is the day to send them a message, tag them below, or share this post. You and they will feel great!

54 Years. Five Beliefs. Belief #1: Don't ask, don't get.

As I look ahead to this week, something feels a little surreal.

For the first time in many years, I’m starting a week where my focus is fully on the work I’ve been building and the things that energize me most:

✨ Coaching
✨ The Suite Spot by TLF
✨ Continuing to create conversations through the podcast with André Turcotte

And as I reflect on how I got here, I keep coming back to one simple belief:
⚡️Don't ask, don't get.

A few years ago, this belief changed the direction of my life.

In the fall of 2022, after almost two years on leave from my government job while building my coaching business, I found myself at a crossroads.

I loved the work I was doing, but financially, I needed more stability.

I had a choice.

I could return full-time and put my business dreams on hold...
Or I could ask for something different.

So I reached out to my manager and proposed returning part-time so I could continue building my coaching business while also having a stable income.

I honestly didn't know what the answer would be.

They could have easily said no. Part-time, well-paying jobs in government are extremely rare as everyone in government knows.

Instead...
They said YES.

Not only did they say yes, but they found me a communications role that I genuinely loved, working with one of the best teams I've ever had the privilege of being part of.

Looking back, that one question created the foundation for the last three years.

And now here I am, starting a new one-year leave ready to focus on the next chapter.
None of this would have happened if I hadn't been willing to ask.

This doesn't mean every ask leads to a yes.

It doesn't.
I've heard plenty of no's.

But every meaningful yes in my life started with being willing to ask the question, not knowing the answer.

As a coach, I see this all the time.

We often decide the answer before we ever ask.

"They'll probably say no."
"I'm not ready."
"It's not the right time."
"Maybe someday."

Maybe.
But maybe not.

And we'll never know if we don't ask.

So my invitation to you today is to do the reflection in the comments and make that ask that's on your heart.

Today is my last day in the office with the Ontario government.

After many years in public service, I’m beginning a one-year leave to focus fully on my coaching practice and The Suite Spot by TLF.

To be honest, this decision feels equal parts exciting, terrifying, and deeply right.

As I celebrated my 54th birthday this weekend, I found myself reflecting on the beliefs that have guided some of the biggest decisions in my life. Two of them keep rising to the surface today:

⚡️Don’t ask, don’t get.
So many meaningful opportunities in my life began because I asked the question, started the conversation, submitted the application, or said yes before I knew exactly how it would turn out.

⚡️The possible and impossible are equally possible.
When I look back, many of the things that have brought me the most joy, growth, and purpose once felt wildly unlikely. Starting a coaching business. Launching a podcast. Building a tech platform for entrepreneurs. Traveling to places I’d only dreamed about. And now, stepping into this next chapter.

I don’t know exactly what the next year will bring. But I do know this: I want to spend it building work that is aligned with who I am, helping people create lives and businesses that fit them, and seeing what becomes possible when passion gets more room to breathe.

To my colleagues in the OPS and in particular my Payroll Service Service Delivery Modernization team, THANK YOU! It's truly been the best team I've every worked with - collaborative, supportive, and just awesome. I’ve learned so much from the people I’ve worked alongside, and I’m incredibly grateful for the experience, friendships, and opportunities that brought me here.

And to everyone cheering me on as I take this leap: Thank you. Your encouragement means more than you know. ❤️

Here’s to year 55, new beginnings, and discovering what’s possible when we’re willing to ask for what we want and trust ourselves enough to take the next step.

I can't wait to share more about what I'm doing and other lessons I've learned over the last 54 years! If you're curious or have questions, send me a DM or drop a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

There’s some foreplay that often gets missed but makes for really great s*x.

The OTHER s*xy talk.

Things like boundaries, jealousy, STI testing and more.

Come see us at the on Thursday May 14 for a live talk!

Link to get tickets is in our link in bio.

*xytalk

82: Part 2: How to Get Back on Track When Your Communication Goes Off the Rails
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/letstalkpolyamory/episodes/82-Part-2-How-to-Get-Back-on-Track-When-Your-Communication-Goes-Off-the-Rails-e3iqqcj
New episode now streaming on your favourite podcasting platform