Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse

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My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse ❤️‍🩹
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08/24/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I'd like you to think about the thing that calms you down the most.

For me, it's running.

It doesn't matter how angry, overwhelmed, or stressed I am.

If I go for a run, I'm usually able to calm down and move on with my day.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, for many narcissists, fighting is the thing that calms them down the most.

They don't have the emotional regulation skills required to regulate through things like:

Taking deep breaths.

Going for a walk.

Taking some space.

Talking through their feelings.

Giving themselves time to calm down.

So they often do it through other people.

When they:

Scream at you.

Call you names.

Blame everything on you.

Pick apart everything you say.

Keep fighting until you're completely overwhelmed.

That can be their version of “calming down.”

So when it's “done,” they move on like nothing happened.

I say “done” because it's not actually done for you.

You still need to process what happened, calm yourself down, and recover from everything they just put you through.

But for them, they got it all out. They've calmed down.

So it's finished, and the two of you should just move on.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/23/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Many narcissists don't know how to communicate their feelings.

Yes, they can say things like:

“I feel hurt.”

“I'm angry.”

“I'm sad.”

But that's about it.

They feel super uncomfortable doing things like explaining why they feel the way they do, being honest about what they need, and accepting the other person's response.

Why?

Because they don't know how to be vulnerable without feeling threatened by it.

That's the truth.

A healthy person sees vulnerability as a necessary part of being close to someone.

But a narcissist?

It's like handing someone who hates you a weapon.

So they often fall back on passive-aggressive behaviors like slamming things, stomping around, sighing loudly, or aggressively cleaning because it lets them skip the vulnerability.

They can slam the cabinet.

BANG.

Now you know they're angry.

They stomp upstairs.

Now you know they're frustrated.

They sigh loudly.

Now you're thinking about how they're feeling.

Of course, sometimes they use this slamming and stomping around to scare you.

But not knowing how to communicate their feelings is a big part of it too.

Does this make it okay?

No.

But I hope knowing this stops you from thinking you must’ve done something wrong when they start doing it.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/22/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I don't believe they do this on purpose.

I think it's more of an instinct.

What do I mean?

To “survive,” narcissists need to feel validated, admired, reassured, powerful, and in control at all times.

This is called narcissistic supply.

You can think of it as the “oxygen” to a narcissist's “fire.”

The largest, most reliable sources of this supply that narcissists have access to are people.

More specifically, the people in their lives.

So in a very real way, they’re dependent on you to “survive.”

So when you're going to:

–See friends.
–See family.
–Go to work.
–Go on a date.
–Attend an event.
– Do something you enjoy.

I don't believe they're always thinking:

“Oh, I need to ruin this because they won’t be focusing on me.”

Maybe sometimes they do.

But more often than not, I believe it's an instinct.

In the same way you gasp for air if you hold your breath for a long time.

They pick a fight right before you're about to leave as a last-ditch effort to regain control of your attention.

Does this make it any better?

Absolutely not.

In fact, I think it makes it WORSE.

Because asking them to stop doing it would be the same as asking yourself to stop gasping for air when you don't have any.

You can't.

It's a survival instinct.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/21/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I'd like you to think of:

1.) The narcissist as a shark.

2.) You as the thing they're trying to eat.

3.) Your relationship with them as the ocean.

The ocean is their world.

It's where they confuse, manipulate, isolate, abuse, etc.

So when you're in the “water” with them, they have the advantage.

But...

– A friend who builds your confidence...
– A therapist who helps you see what's happening...
– A sibling who agrees that this isn't normal...
– A coworker who always pushes you to do better...

These are like people coming by with a boat to help you get out of the water.

So what does the hungry “shark” do?

It tries to keep you in the water with things like:

– “She's so fake.”
– “Your therapist is putting ideas in your head.”
– “Your sister needs to stay out of our business.”
– “That coworker obviously wants to sleep with you.”
– “They don't actually care about you.”

This often looks like they simply don't like your supporters.

But their hostility isn't really about who they are as individuals.

It's about the escape their support can make possible for you.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/20/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

When a narcissist gets frustrated:

– “I've asked you three f*cking times!”

There's usually a justification for it like:

– “You weren't listening.”
– “You made me angry.”
– “I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself.”

They don't think:

– “I shouldn't be speaking to you this way.”

They think:

– “I have a reason to be speaking to you this way.”

But they don't extend that same courtesy to you because they don't see you as an equal.

So when you get frustrated and show that frustration, they get offended.

Someone beneath them shouldn't:

– Question them.
– Correct them.
– Raise their voice at them.
– Tell them they're wrong.
– Treat them the way they treat you.

So:

– “Who the f*ck do you think you're talking to?”
– “Who the f*ck do you think you are?”

That's more or less the thought process behind them losing it like you saw in the video.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/19/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

The goal here is to control the pace of the conversation.

If I give you ten minutes to think, you can do things like:

– Calm down
– Think about what actually happened
– Notice inconsistencies
– Decide what you believe
– Choose your words carefully

But if I push for an answer RIGHT NOW...

There's a lot of things you have to do at once like:

– Make sense of what I'm saying
– Remember what happened
– Manage your emotions
– Figure out what to say

It's exhausting!

And when you're exhausted, you're more likely to contradict yourself, agree just to end the interaction, give an answer you haven't fully thought through, things like that.

So this demand for you to answer immediately isn't them trying to communicate or whatever excuse they give you.

It's a manipulation tactic.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/18/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Have you noticed this before?

When you have good news, they barely seem interested.

But...

When you have bad news, suddenly they want to hear everything.

The reason they're like this is because they have relative self-esteem.

This means their self-esteem:

Gets better when they're doing better than others.

Gets worse when they're doing worse than others.

So when you share good news with them, they feel like you're saying:

“I'm doing better than you.”

And when you share bad news with them, it's more like:

“You're doing better than me.”

That's why they often:

Listen a little closer.

Ask a few more questions.

Seem a little more interested.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/17/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I think the reason many narcissists pretend to not understand your boundary is because “not understanding” turns it into something that needs to be defended instead of respected.

What do I mean?

I started this out with a simple request:

“Don't make jokes about my weight.”

If he says:

“Okay.”

Then there's nowhere to go.

The boundary has been communicated.

He's acknowledged it.

So now he's expected to respect it.

But if he says things like:

“What do you mean?”

“When did I make a joke about your weight?”

“You think that was a joke about your weight?”

“So I basically can't say anything about what you eat?”

“How am I supposed to know what you're going to consider a joke?”

This forces me into justifying, arguing, defending, and explaining.

And that's exactly what they want.

Because if saying:

“Don't joke about my weight.”

Always results in a 20-minute debate about the technical definition of a joke...

There's a good chance I'll eventually stop trying to set boundaries because of how exhausting the fallout is.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/16/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

This question might seem random...

But have you ever felt like your phone is listening to you?

You'll say something like:

“Oh, I really need new running shoes.”

Then a couple of hours later...

You start getting ads for running shoes.

Well, narcissists do something similar with your insecurities.

You'll tell them something you're insecure about...

Or they'll learn it on their own.

And in that moment, they often just sit there and listen.

They might even say something that SOUNDS supportive.

But then days, weeks, or even years later...

They throw it right back in your face.

There are many different reasons they might do this.

– To hurt you.
– To control you.
– To get a reaction out of you.

But to be honest, I don't think the “why” is the most important part here.

I think you just need to be aware that it can happen.

So moving forward, please remember this:

They don't listen to connect.

They listen to collect.

They learn what:

– Hurts you.
– Scares you.
– Embarrasses you.
– Gets a reaction out of you.

And then use that information against you in the future.

So please be very, very, very careful about what you share with the narcissist in your life.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/15/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

It's really common for narcissists to “apologize” like this.

Let me explain...

You will confront them about something they did that hurt you.

But they don't acknowledge that hurt:

– "I'm sorry for hurting you."

Instead, they say things like:

– “Do you seriously think I wanted to hurt you?”
– “I know there's something seriously wrong with me.”
– “I know you hate me.”

The goal here is to look like a victim.

Why?

When a person looks like a victim, they invite comfort, not accountability.

So you end up comforting them instead of holding them accountable.

But it doesn't stop there...

Did you notice at the end they were saying things like:

– “Can you please stop reminding me of how much you hate me?”
– “I hate myself enough already.”

This is a manipulation too.

How?

If every time you bring up something hurtful they've done they make it seem like you're hurting them just by bringing it up, you'll eventually stop bringing it up.

You'll start thinking things like:

– “Maybe I shouldn't bring this up.”
– “I don't want to make them feel worse.”
– “Maybe I'm being too hard on them.”
– “It's probably not worth another argument.”

Because you've learned that speaking up ends up feeling worse than being silent.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

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