Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse

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Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse If you need someone to talk to, you can always DM me or sign up for a free session.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse ❤️‍🩹
https://unfilteredd.net/support/

10/04/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I'd like you to imagine you're camping in the forest, and your fire has died.

How would you get it going again?

Would you add some wood and just leave it?

Or would you blow on the embers?

You'd probably blow on the embers, right?

Because fire needs oxygen to keep burning.

So when you blow on the embers, you're giving it more oxygen.

And that's basically what you're seeing here.

Think of feeling good about themselves as the fire.

And your reactions as the oxygen.

To feel good about themselves, they need to get a reaction out of you.

So they'll often say or do something provocative, then they'll soak in your reaction.

On the surface this could look like them:

Laughing at you.

Mocking you.

Calling you names.

Suddenly becoming calm.

Or even getting upset with you for reacting.

But underneath, it's always the same.

Your reaction is being used to keep the positive feelings they have about themselves “burning,” the same way blowing on the embers of a fire keeps it burning.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

Hi, it's Juliana!If you decide you want our help, here's what you can expect.The first thing that would happen is a free...
09/30/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

If you decide you want our help, here's what you can expect.

The first thing that would happen is a free one-on-one session with me.

My goal here is to understand your situation and what you'd like help with, so together we can come up with a plan for what to do next.

If you decide to continue working with us after this free session, I'll match you with a licensed mental health professional from our team.

They will have at least five years of experience working with people who've gone through narcissistic abuse, and personal experience with it too.

Last updated: September 2026

Once you're matched, I will create a very detailed summary based on everything you share with me so you won't have to explain it all over again in the first session with your professional.

Now, when people first reach out to us, we often hear things like:

“I've been seeing a therapist for a while now. I really like talking to them, but I feel like I'm kind of just going in circles and not making much progress.”

We don't ever want you to feel this way when you work with us.

So one thing we focus a lot on is finding the right balance.

You can think of it like running a race.

The life you have right now is the starting line, and the life you want to have is the finish line.

The challenges you're facing, or may face in the future, are like obstacles blocking your path.

And the professional you're working with is the person you're running the race with.

Sometimes you might want to stop and talk for a while.

Sometimes you might want to talk while we keep moving.

And sometimes you might want to just put your head down and run.

So when I say we focus on finding the right balance, what I mean is that we're always trying to move toward your finish line at a pace that feels right for you.

Last, but certainly not least, there's our community.

This is a super private space where you can connect with and learn from people who know what it's like to experience narcissistic abuse.

If this sounds like something that could help you, there's a link in my bio you can use to schedule the free session with me.

I'm looking forward to meeting you!

Juliana

Hi, it's Juliana!I grew up around narcissistic people and spent decades of my life struggling because of it.But I honest...
09/29/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I grew up around narcissistic people and spent decades of my life struggling because of it.

But I honestly had no idea.

I knew something wasn't right.

But I didn't really have the words for any of it.

Then I met my husband Elijah in a café in Rauma, Finland.

He also had narcissistic people in his life, but he had a better understanding of it.

So when I started opening up to him, he was always there for me.

He listened, helped me work through things, and stuck with me when I struggled.

Two years after we met, we were sitting with a friend of ours who was getting out of an abusive relationship.

This friend made a joke like:

“So all I need to do is find someone who loves me like Elijah loves you.”

I laughed, but Elijah didn't.

I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was something like:

“You don't need someone to love you.”

And then he went on to explain how the person who had helped him was a woman he met while he was living in Spain.

She was in her 70s. He wasn't sure if her name was María or Marina.

And they often had to use Google Translate to communicate.

There's a lot more to that story, but the point is: they weren't in love.

They just had this shared experience with narcissistic abuse.

And having someone actually believe him, understand him, and help him changed everything.

So if you were to ask me:

“What's the story behind Unfilteredd?”

That's it!

My entire life changed after I met Elijah.

I thought it was because I fell in love with him.

But it wasn't.

It was because:

1.) I finally understood what I was going through.

2.) I figured out what I could do about it.

3.) I had someone there for me through all of it.

Once Elijah and I realized this, there was no question about what we wanted to do next.

I left my career as a lawyer, he left his career as a soccer player, and we started Unfilteredd to create a space where you can find the same guidance and support I found in Elijah.

Only instead of it coming from an "Elijah," it comes from a licensed mental health professional who has both personal and professional experience with this type of abuse.

Thank you so much for reading all of this!

Juliana

09/25/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Let's say you're crying.

A healthy person's thought process will often be something like:

“You're hurting → how can I support you?”

But narcissists don't think this way.

They are so self-centered and self-absorbed that they don't really experience your pain as something happening to you.

They experience it as something that's happening to them.

Said differently:

Instead of “This person is hurting.”

It's often “How is this person's hurt affecting me?”

So when they see you crying, it's really common for them to think:

“You're crying → this is annoying/uncomfortable/a waste of time → how can I make it stop?”

And that's why you can get these bizarrely cold reactions like:

– Telling you to shut up.
– Telling you to cry somewhere else.
– Getting angry at you for crying.
– Mocking or making fun of you.
– Walking away while you're crying.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

09/24/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I'd like you to think about an equation like 1 + 1 = 2.

When you think about it, many decisions are made like this.

For example:

I'm hungry + I have food at home = I'll eat at home.

It's raining + I need to go outside = I'll grab an umbrella.

My phone is dying + I'll need it later = I'll charge it now.

When an “equation” involves another person, healthy people will often include them.

For example:

I'm hungry + everyone is sleeping = I'll make breakfast quietly.

But narcissists often don't.

The equation for them is more like:

I'm hungry = I'm going to make breakfast.

Why?

They're selfish.

The way they think typically starts and ends with their own thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs.

So it's really common for them to make a ton of noise when you’re trying to sleep because instead of thinking:

“What do I want + how will this affect you = action”

It's often:

“What do I want = action.”

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

09/23/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I'm going to use this clip as an example.

But please know the same logic applies to all kinds of boundary violations.

So, a healthy person thinks:

“They're in the bathroom → they want privacy → I'll wait or knock.”

A narcissist thinks:

“I need my toothbrush → my toothbrush is in there → I'm going in.”

Can you tell the difference?

The “they want privacy” part?

I'm trying to show you that your privacy (boundary) often doesn't even enter the narcissist’s calculation.

Said differently:

A healthy person will consider your boundaries before deciding what to do.

A narcissist often won't.

And even on the RARE occasions that they do, they'll often judge the boundary based on their reason for crossing it.

To them, it's:

“I had a reason to come in → therefore, coming in was okay.”

But that's not how boundaries work.

Do boundaries get crossed?

Yeah, all the time.

But in healthy relationships, it's usually an accident instead of the other person thinking their reason for crossing your boundary makes it okay to cross.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

09/22/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Have you ever experienced this?

They're not really giving you the silent treatment.

They're just making you wait for a response.

Why?

I like to think about it like this:

Imagine you're sitting on the couch watching Netflix, eating your favorite snacks.

You look to your right and see a candy bar wrapper on the coffee table.

Are you going to pause Netflix, get up, and throw it out?

Probably not.

Why?

Because it's not that important.

And you can always do it later.

That's what you see going on here.

They're not always trying to punish you…

They're not always trying to hurt you…

They're not always trying to manipulate you...

It's just that sometimes responding to you isn't important enough to interrupt whatever it is they're doing.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

09/21/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I'd like you to imagine there are three spotlights that follow the narcissist around 24/7.

The first spotlight is called “positive.”

The second spotlight is called “negative.”

The third spotlight is called “victim.”

They always want to have the positive or victim spotlight shining on them.

So when they hurt you, they often won't want to acknowledge what they did.

Because that would mean stepping under the negative spotlight.

So instead of saying:

“I'm sorry for hurting you.”

They'll say things like:

– “You're exaggerating.”
– “You're too sensitive.”
– “It wasn't that bad.”

And this often allows them to step under the victim spotlight because now the two of you are arguing about the validity of your pain.

And this gives them an opportunity to look like a victim of your:

– Overreaction.
– Sensitivity.
– Drama.

But they're not.

They hurt you, and you have a right to point that out.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

09/20/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Have you ever been micromanaged like this before?

Here's my opinion on why it happens.

Many narcissists think of themselves as the glue.

Like the thing that's holding everything together.

And micromanaging is one of the ways they validate how they see themselves.

What do I mean?

Well, if you're doing something perfectly fine on your own and they step in with something like:

– “No, do it this way.”
– “You're doing that wrong.”
– “Here, let me show you.”

It reinforces the idea that you can't do things without them.

Said differently...

It “proves” they're the glue holding everything together.

Of course, there's a bunch of other reasons they micromanage, like:

– Reducing their own anxiety.
– Feeling important or superior.
– Keeping you dependent on them.

But I think validating this idea that everyone needs them is one of the biggest ones.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

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