Amy Panzarella, LLC "Amplify Your Potential"

Fear.

What are YOU afraid of? Why?

One of my favorite coaching questions is “If you weren’t afraid, WHO could you be?”

I spent most of my life afraid:

• Afraid of failing.
• Afraid of falling.
• Afraid of appearing weak.
• Afraid of vulnerability.
• Afraid of dying.
• Afraid of getting sick.
• Afraid of being alone.
• Afraid of taking risks.
• Afraid of feeling.

I don’t recall the exact moment that the switch flipped for me, but I do remember the first time I noticed that it did. I was getting ready to fly to Las Vegas for a business conference several years ago and when I would have normally felt very nervous to fly, I felt very peaceful and relaxed. “What happened to me?” I wondered. I recognized the shift instantly, and during the several hours flight, I reconciled what it was in that moment (it changes by the day). I had a good relationship with my kids and my husband; they knew I loved them with all my heart. My kids were a bit older at that point and I knew if anything happened to me, they would be a-okay! After all, I worked tirelessly to give them all the tools they needed for their toolbox – the rest was up to them, and I had faith that they would step up and make me proud of the men they were evolving into. I unconsciously released the control I always tried to maintain and just existed in the moment – completely free from the “bad thoughts” that I usually allowed to creep into my head. This sense of peacefulness and liberty was so foreign to me! Why did it take so long for me to get there?

You can ask my parents…I was the consummate worry wart (their term for me, by the way) as a child. Oh my, the nights I would creep into their bedroom and gently wake one of them to simply whisper, “I’m having bad thoughts again.” In their stupor, they would either tell me, “You don’t have anything to worry about, Amy…go back to bed” or “Grab a blanket and go to sleep on the floor next to our bed.” You might be wondering what I was having “bad thoughts about”. Easy to recall…death! I was not afraid of dying then (that came later), but I was afraid of everyone I loved dying and being left alone. Where did that come from? I’m sure it was some of the television shows I watched and my VERY vivid imagination. Nevertheless, it was very real to me, and it limited my ability to just live and love in the moment. The list is long of the things I worried about throughout my childhood and adolescence. As I grew older, I began to worry about different things, no less intensely. That was not serving me positively in any way.

What scares you? Why? Are you afraid because you’ve left something undone, unsaid, unaccomplished in your life? Why wait to fix it? Take just one fear you have and analyze it, while asking yourself if it makes sense to spend energy on it. If you don’t have control over it, release it. If you do, fix it! Have the conversation with the person whom you’ve been avoiding. Execute on the goal(s) to fill in blank: finish your degree, change jobs, get a certification; start exercising CONSISTENTLY; demonstrate some vulnerability; ask for the promotion you deserve; leave the relationship that isn’t serving you well; be your authentic self, ASK FOR HELP, etc. Take it from someone who knows, it isn’t easy - but oh my - it’s SO WORTH IT! Life is so much more fulfilling when you lift that load off your shoulders.

Think about a person who has demonstrated courage and confidence to do something that is challenging and seemingly impossible to accomplish or to be successful. I have three of them!

• My son, Anthony, graduated from high school and enlisted in the Navy. He pursued the Navy SEALs program and did very well but did not make it through. He persevered. He worked odd jobs for a bit, then enlisted in the Marines which is what he is doing today. He travels the world and is ready to fight for his country when called upon.

• My son, AJ, applied to the United States Air Force Academy his senior year of high school and was not appointed right away. He received the “Falcon Scholarship” which is an honor but is not a guarantee that if he accepted the opportunity to attend an AF Academy prep school that he would receive the appointment. He would have to go through the entire nomination process again, physical fitness tests, etc. NO GUARANTEE and a risk that he “lost a year” that he could have been attending Virginia Tech. He wanted it badly enough that he was willing to take the risk and ultimately, he received his appointment and is currently in his senior year at the Academy.

• My youngest son, Tyler, decided to graduate from high school early with the goal of leaving for California to pursue his dream of becoming an actor. Despite COVID interrupting his plans ever so slightly, I watched “my baby” pull out of the driveway at 5:30 a.m. on June 1, 2020 to begin his long drive to California where I have no doubt he’ll make his dreams come true.

COURAGE. These kids demonstrated it for me repeatedly and I allowed myself to learn from them and take the leap of faith and pursue my dreams too.

Once I stopped being afraid, my level of joy increased, my health improved, and I saw things through a much clearer lens.

What fears are holding you back? Which ones can you begin to conquer TODAY?

WHO COULD YOU BE IF YOU WERE NOT AFRAID?

Living to loathe?
Living to survive? Or...
Living to thrive?

Ask yourself which of these you are actively doing? Let's break it down...

How is LIVING TO LOATHE serving you? What resentments, guilt, anger, or sadness are you carrying, either for yourself or for someone else? Do you realize that loathing is holding you back? I guarantee you that it is. If someone wronged you, or life has just been overall challenging, how can you choose to show yourself the self-care, compassion, and self-respect you've always deserved? What are you willing to let go of? How many theoretical "pounds" would you lose off your shoulders (and possibly in reality) if you took one step toward contentment? If you are not living to loathe, you probably know someone who is. Engage with them. When you ask a person who is already feeling vulnerable “How are you” it might astound you how they react. People who live to loathe may have mastered the art of masking their misery. Don’t assume that someone who appears to “have it together” truly “has it together”. Sometimes self-care must be modeled! Reach out to someone who needs to practice this and demonstrate to them that they matter. You might be able to help someone who is living to loathe, live to thrive instead!

Are you just going through life's motions to LIVE TO SURVIVE? Have you allowed yourself to experience joy, let your hair down a little, laugh out loud, and/or actually take care of your needs (even if just for a moment)? Think back to the last two months and ask yourself when you last had a good belly laugh; connected with a friend or family member you've been longing to talk to; or did something kind for yourself. I get it...schedules are busy with work, kids, volunteering, health issues, taking care of other family members...but your well-being and contentment are the pathway to you living a more fulfilled life (not to be confused with an easier life). The laundry, dirty floors, dusting, shopping, and other household duties will always be there...ALWAYS. Don't get lost in the day-to-day and wake up one day realizing life has passed you by. This week alone I've lost two people in my community who were dear to me. They both lived life to the fullest. I use people like that as a reminder as to why I can leave the load of laundry for another day and go do something that brings me joy - life won't wait.

What would it be like for you to LIVE TO THRIVE? Imagine it…you establish a cadence of taking care of your long list of responsibilities, but also build into your routine some fun and self-care. Fun is relative, right? For you it might be sitting down with a good book and really getting absorbed in the story; for others it might be going dancing or just hanging out with friends. Determine what you deem fun and incorporate that into your routine. SELF-CARE MUST BE NON-NEGOTIABLE. I don’t preach what I don’t practice. I place eating healthy and daily exercise as a priority EVERY day, not just every now and then when I “feel like it”. These actions are like breathing to me now. I carry physical pain in my body always and I have days that I’m very tired and feel I have nothing left to give. It’s on those days ESPECIALLY that incorporating my exercise routine is paramount to my well-being. Thus, I go on my long, rigorous walk AND I always feel better once I do! I hear so many stories of people who let other things interrupt doing what they need to do for their well-being…including physical activity, healthy eating, spending time with people who bring you joy, etc. Decide what your non-negotiables are and make a commitment to follow through for the sake of thriving! Try it for a few weeks and report back! I feel certain that you’ll feel and see the same outcomes that I have experienced.

I used to be a person who lived to survive. For a myriad of reasons, I shifted to living to thrive. It wasn’t easy as habits and mindsets are challenging to change, but it was worth it. I’m still incredibly responsible, but I weave fun, self-care, and mindfulness into EVERY SINGLE DAY…without fail. The pics below depict one of my favorite things to do that incorporates fun, exercise, and mindfulness!

Please contact me if you want to hear more of how I did it and how I’ve benefited from it. *Noteworthy…I canceled my gym membership and don’t pay for a special meal plan/diet. In other words, my transformation to “thrive” happened at home with thoughtful (and in some cases difficult) decisions consistently being made and placing a priority on self-care, at no additional expense. Indeed, some individuals need additional tools to get them over the initial hurdles and that’s perfectly fine! I would encourage utilizing any tool or resource that supports your decision to choose health!

I’d love to hear from you about how you thrive! If you’re loathing and/or surviving, let’s chat about making YOU a priority so you can be fully present (and well) for the people you care about in your life.

Be...

Be a mentor: Take an aspiring, unexperienced person under your wing and invest your time into their success. Share your wisdom and knowledge. Be a resource to them.

Be a confidant: There are so few places we can go today that are truly private or feel authentically safe. Be that "safe place to land" for someone in your world. Honor your commitment to hold their confidences. It means everything.

Be reliable: Do what you say you're going to do...it's that simple. If you goof up (like I did today with a friend), apologize and make it right.

Be kind: "Do unto others..." Wait, you weren't treated kindly? Don't make that an excuse to treat others poorly. Make a decision today to do better than those who came before you. My goodness...there is so much going on behind people's closed doors - they feel shame, grief, sadness, loneliness, anger - convince them that not everyone is cruel and life doesn't always have to be unfair!

Be respectful: Please. Thank you. You're welcome. Make eye contact. Give a person a few moments of your time and truly listen to what they're saying to you. One of the most authentic ways to demonstrate respect is to truly LISTEN.

Be adventurous: Don't follow the "script" - take a slight risk. DANCE IN THE RAIN.

Be.

"I'm sorry. How can I fix this?"
"I was wrong. How can I fix this?"
"I made a mistake and I take responsibility. How can I fix this?"

These are the questions that good leaders MUST ask when they make a mistake. We are all human - it happens. How a person reconciles their mistake is what reveals their true character. I get it...apologizing can be hard. I know many who have practically choked on the words "I'm sorry" as they were saying them (myself included). I'd much rather witness a strained and uncomfortable apology than to realize that the leader is not willing to accept accountability for the error. Make no mistake, the work is not complete once the apology is rendered. Action for resolution must follow! Remember, "actions speak louder than words"!

Ask yourself, "Have I held myself accountable and demonstrated humility and a motion toward action?" If the answer is no, take a deeper look inward and start performing the necessary work on your ego so you can strengthen your character, reputation, and credibility. It matters.

"Never ruin an apology with an excuse." ~ Benjamin Franklin

During lunch with a colleague and friend today, we agreed that taking time away from our responsibilities to collaborate and network is time well spent! Sometimes the investments we make in ourselves are intangible but incredibly valuable nonetheless.

As a leader, you should aspire to connect with a diverse group of professionals who can provide varying perspectives on management and leadership. Being a leader manifests in a myriad of ways, it is NOT a "one size fits all" role. Engage with other people and LISTEN to their stories, ask about their challenges and triumphs, and open yourself up to continuous growth and learning.

I challenge you to reach out to someone you respect and invite them to have coffee or lunch! You may be surprised at the return on your investment of time!

If you're having trouble saying "no" to accepting additional (volunteer) responsibilities, consider this nugget of wisdom I heard from a dear friend years ago:

"If I say no, it gives someone else an opportunity to say yes."

Powerful.

As a leader, sometimes the best response you can give is "no" or even "not yet/not now". How are you truly going to add value if you feel stretched too thin, too tired, and too stressed? Assess where you really want to place your energy in order to add the most value for you and the organization. Self-care is vital to your well-being and success!

"Our conversations are not about our relationships. Our conversations are our relationships." ~ David Whyte, Poet

Have you ever interacted with a person and walked away feeling like the experience fell flat? What are your initial reactions?

*Why don't they understand my point-of-view?
*They must be having a bad day.
*They are too (fill in the blank) liberal/conservative.
*Maybe we just shouldn't interact any longer.
*Why can't s/he give me what I need?

I challenge you to attempt looking at these interactions through a different lens and recognize what you might be doing to contribute to these frustrating moments.

*Was the timing appropriate? (Am I trying to make a convincing argument with someone who is in a hurry to get to another engagement?)
*Was my tone in alignment with the topic?
*Was I "telling" or "influencing"?
*Did I do most of the talking?
*Did I truly exercise my listening skills?
*Did my energy overwhelm or underwhelm my audience?

In my experience, humility, vulnerability, restraint, and accountability are vital for opening the lines of communication and appreciating that not every person prefers to communicate in the same manner you communicate. Stretch your communication muscles over the next many weeks and notice whether you are being received by your audience in the spirit you intend. Making a few slight adjustments in your behavior could result in healthy and productive exchanges with your colleagues, friends, and family!

Welcome to my page! I am eager to make your acquaintance to learn about how we can partner so that you can AMPLIFY YOUR POTENTIAL! I have many years of "people experience", and I understand the complexities of changing leadership, conflict management, and evolving cultures. I am compassionate and empathetic, but I WILL BE forthcoming with you during our journey together. I truly love to listen to people and to support them while they are taking important steps toward well-being. Working through your growth edges may be uncomfortable, but it's the pathway to contentment, self-awareness, and success!

I love to write and edit! I work with clients to enhance their business presentations, important emails/letters, and resumes/cover letters.

Finally, I have breadth and depth of knowledge and insight regarding what it takes to be a strong leader in these ever-changing times. Why do leaders fail? More to come – be sure to check back on my page!