12/25/2025
LISTEN with love, PARAPHRASE accurately & empathetically, TAKE CORRECTION & COMMIT to observable BEHAVIOR partner(s) request
From TEACH TA**RA* by Sasha Alex Lessin, Ph.D. & Janet Kira Lessin www.amazon.com/
Read more on this relating tool at https://enkispeaks.com/listen-with-love-validate-feel-each-other/
Reserve several 90-minute intervals of uninterrupted privacy, in person, via media, or by phone, to take turns facilitating and responding to friends, significant others, and lovers. As we take turns guiding each other through the exercise below, we learn what we can safely express in a structure that builds trust, understanding, and empathy. We hear and paraphrase each other, sympathize with each other’s feelings, and commit to modifying our behavior to accommodate each other.
[LISTEN ACTIVELY]
In this experience, we encourage each other to say what we hear. We show concern and say what we think and feel. We mirror and validate each other, feel together, then agree on observable, helpful actions. When you respond to the cues below, you learn to say what you want. You ask me to do things to help you heal or improve, and I appreciate your openness.
[Mirror]
First, we mirror) each other. When one of us shares, the other reflects the sharing in our own words, starting with “You said …”. If what you said was a question, I’ll say, “You asked … and repeat your question. If I ask a question, you’ll mirror it with the same, “You asked … and repeat my question. Just paraphrase; don’t respond to what she says.
We’ll not smile, nod, roll our eyes, or mock each other when we say what we hear. We neither approve nor disapprove of anything the other says, even if we dislike it. When I talk, you listen and paraphrase. You get your turn to speak, and I'll mirror you when you prove to my satisfaction that you get my logic and feel the same as I do. Then I prove I see your logic, and you feel me empathizing with you. We keep our voices neutral and say what we hear till the other says, “You got it right.”
When I say three or four sentences, you lift a hand. I stop talking, and you use your own words to summarize what I said. Lift your hand before I say too much for you to mirror.
The more we listen actively, the more we remember, and the longer we can speak without giving a hand signal to stop. Then, even when one of us speaks for several minutes, the other nonetheless mirrors the other well.
Suppose you say, “You never take out the trash.” But I dumped trash last week. I don’t say, “Wrong.” Instead, I say, in a non-argumentative tone, “You said I never take out the trash.” I avoid emphasizing or saying the word “NEVER?” ironically. I stay neutral and say, “Is that correct?”
If you say, “No, you don’t get what I said,” I say, “Say that again.” When you do, I again say what I thought you, in essence, said–several times if necessary, until you’re satisfied that I understand. If you remain dissatisfied with how I paraphrase you, I’ll repeat the very same words and emphases you used. Then you say, “Correct.”
If you say, “Right,” nod your head, “Yes,” or otherwise show me that I repeated her correctly, I say, “Please say more.”
[Validate]
When you say, “That’s all I’m saying on this subject,” I summarize your logic and outline your main points. I say, “You make sense because….” Then review how, from the way you related the subject you discussed, you make sense. I ask you if I got your logic and main points right. If you think I missed something important, tell me to mirror that. When you agree, I understand your logic, I’m ready to empathize with you.
[Empathize]
I put myself in your place and imagine how I would feel about what you had me mirror and validate. In your place, I guess whether you feel mad, sad, glad, or scared. Then I complete the sentence: “I imagine you feel…” I’ll guess how you feel, what emotions you experience.
Then ask, “What did you feel?” And “What else?”
[Solicit Requests]
If the person with whom you’re doing this exercise shared upsets, ask, “What could I do today and this week to help you heal the pain you shared?” [Request acts– behaviors a camera could see and sounds it would record.]
FOLLOW THE CUES BELOW & WATCH YOURSELF & YOUR PARTNER(s) GROW
Reserve an hour of private, uninterrupted time with each of your lovers, and with each, take turns as Reader and as Responder. If you’re poly, it’s valuable to let your intimates witness you and for you to witness them as you and your partners respond to the cues below.
Relax, mellow out, and face a partner. After you're relaxed and comfortable, take turns as Responder and as Reader. Take each other through the cues below.
The reader reads the cues below aloud to another partner, the Responder. The reader reads anything enclosed in square brackets [like this] silently. Where the Reader needs to respond, you'll see this symbol # # #.
Where you see asterisks (* * *), it's the Responder’s cue to respond: give her/him a few breaths to do so. Keep your face and body neutral while you listen; don’t roll your eyes, gesture or respond--these inhibit the Responder.
HOW CAN I PLEASE YOU DEEPLY? *** [When Responder has said a few sentences--few enough so you can remember--say the next sentence]
Wait. I hear you saying ... # # #. [Finish the sentence in your own words, Reader, summarize (paraphrase) what Responder’s said.]
Is that correct? *** [If your partner gives you corrections, paraphrase her and ask if you've got the corrections right until Responder says, "you've got it right".]
Would you say more on this subject? *** [Continue paraphrasing and asking if there's more till Responder finishes on this subject. When Responder says, "that's all", complete the next two sentences.]
You make sense because # # # [Validate Responder. Pretend you're s/he, seeing things from her/his perspective, Say how s/he makes sense.]
I imagine you must feel ... # # #.
Is that what you’re feeling? ***
WHAT CAN I DO THAT TURNS YOU ON? ***
You’re saying ... # # #.
Is that correct? *** [If your Responder gives you corrections, paraphrase him or her and ask if you've got the corrections right until s/he says, "You've got it right".]
Would you say more on this subject? ***
You make sense because # # #
I imagine you must feel ... # # #.
Is that what you’re feeling? ***
HOW CAN I SUPPORT YOU? ***
Wait. I hear you saying ... # # #.
Correct? ***
Would you say more on this subject? ***
You make sense because # # #.
I imagine you must feel ... # # #.
Is that right? ***
TELL ME HOW I CAN MAKE YOU FEEL RESPECTED. ***
You’re saying ... # # #.
Is that right? ***
Would you say more on this subject? ***
You make sense because # # #.
I imagine you must feel ... # # #.
What do you feel? ***
WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED? ***
You’re saying ... # # #.
Right? ***
Say more. ***
You make sense because # # #.
I guess you feel ... # # #
What do you feel? ***
>>>
* TEACH TA**RA
amazon.com/Teach-Ta**ra-Teacher-Manual-Chakras/dp/1977642799
It’s a manual for you to experience advanced ta**ra and to teach it to others.
You learn to teach lovers and seekers how to:
* Master advanced ta**ra techniques
* Open all energy vortexes (chakras) to each other
* Refine relations
* Encourage female ej*******on and master male ejaculatory control
* Find meaning and purpose in relationships and life
* Reprogram parent imprints that diminish s*x and love
* Get satisfaction and sustain s*x
* Mutually make more in s*xual loving
* Delve dreams and past lives
* Worship women and gratify guys
Also by the Lessins
* TA**RA for ALL CHAKRAS amazon.com/Ta**ra-Chakras-Sasha-Alex-Lessin/dp/1548102830
guides you through experiences that help you:
* Love each other more and better
* Open your energy vortexes (chakras) to each other
* Share your diverse inner voices
* Learn what hurts and scares your Inner Kids
* Discern when to lower your subself shields
* Share vulnerability and connect
* Synergize your inner selves’ dance within and between you
* Refine how you relate
* Heal each other’s hearts
* Encourage female ej*******on
* Master male ejaculatory control
THE LESSINS: HOLISTIC-LOVING GUIDES
SASHA ALEX LESSIN, PH.D. (U.C.L.A.) taught S*x Education in the University of Hawaii School of Medicine, Leeward Community College and the Professional School for Psychological Studies. He served as Director of Counseling at the Waikiki Drug Center and has counseled relationships, guided spiritual journeywork and taught ta**ra for over fifty years.
JANET KIRA LESSIN, naturally ta***ic, joined Sasha as his co-teacher and presenter, and together they developed All-Chakra Ta**ra as Janet worked through her s*xual abuse traumas and learned how to facilitate others’ reprogramming.
The LESSINS taught Ta**ra at Maui Community College, World Polyamory Association, World Ta**ra Association conferences, the School of Ta**ra on Maui and The Phoenix Goddess Temple.
They’ve appeared on numerous TV shows and on hundreds of radio shows and have written 10 books and counting.
https://wp.me/p1TVCy-5hv for experientials to uplevel your relationship
**ra *x Rogers Hendrix Acceptance
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