Your Village

Seriously, this kid. So mature beyond his mere 15 years. Yes, I’m taking credit for a job well done. I’ve poured my heart and soul into raising amazing humans and it shows. ❤️❤️❤️

What does my relationship with my 15 year old son look like? It’s one of a mentor, a guide and a teacher. All the years of respectful discipline and connection has led to exactly where I wanted and envisioned, a well-adjusted teen who is independent but still looks to me and trusts me to guide him when he needs it. I hear so much about contention and how it’s “normal” between teens and parents. It might be common. But it’s not healthy. Relationships with our kids can get better every year. “Bad” years or “dramatic” years are not par for the course. If you want great connection and to have a positive influence on your teens, it’s totally possible! This is just one example of the way I support his goals every day and that builds a deeper bond and trust in my guidance. 😊❤️🔥

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms who pour their heart and souls into raising incredible kids and supporting their dreams. This is not for weak!

This is not an easy road and we’re just getting started. He’s hit the “plays amazing during practice but is a completely different player at matches” stage. It’s been so hard to watch. It’s been a total learning journey for us both. We’ve learned this is a very common stage and now the work is to help him learn to relax and play at tournaments like he does during practice. So we’re hitting tournament season pretty hard over the next few months. He struggled during round of 16 yesterday. But went into consolation round today and won the finals 8-0.

And guide your children in such a way that they feel free to be the weediest of weeds!! ❤️❤️❤️

Over the years, many parents have come to me wanting guidance on how to talk to their kids about serious issues happening in their family: moves, death, divorce, financial woes, family members going to jail, infidelity. Parents want to know how much to share with their kids and how to present their particular issue in ways that are honest but not overwhelming (as much as possible)

So this week, I give parents two concepts to use as guideance when talking to kids about anything, whether it's difficult family news or just communicating needs and expectations, in the latest episode of Parenting Beyond Discipline. The episode Family Ties: Strategies for Open Communication with Kids About Home & Life Challenges just released this morning. ​

This will be a 2 part series as this week's episode is the basics of setting a framework for sharing information. Next week will be details on how you might want to have discussions around specific topics at several different ages.

Listen to Parenting Beyond Discipline on:

Apple Podcasts
Spotify

‎Parenting Beyond Discipline on Apple Podcasts ‎Kids & Family · 2024

While some parenting can follow simple strategies that will work well in teaching and guiding, every child has their own unique struggles and strengths. The beauty (and challenge) in parenting well is in the flexibility it takes to not fall into patterns. Hence getting an opportunity to expand and grow ourselves! This also often comes as a surprise too! Hang on for a fun ride!

I love this so much. When we approach children (or anyone) with curiosity and understanding, it can completely change an interaction from one of potential contention to connection and cooperation.

An oldie but goodie popped up today. Oh this face. So handsome then and now. 😍 the lips. The eyes. The cheeks. I do miss those smooth cheeks. He’s all stubbly and teenagery now. 🤣

This is my daughter holding up a rooster 🐓 she caught at the barn. She’s the bird 🐦 whisperer. She’s the only one at the barn who can catch a chicken. Then they just melt in her arms. A pigeon on landed on her head once. Then hopped onto her arm upon invitation. Actually she’s an animal whisperer, frogs 🐸 lizards 🦎, horses, you name it. Each our kids is unique. They have hidden talents waiting to be discovered. Having expectations is important but making sure those expectations are about building good habits, and good skills (social, emotional, life skills) and not about who you want them to be (the first chair in the orchestra, the engineer, the valedictorian, the doctor, the sports star, the people-pleaser - go give grandma 👵 a hug 🤗 ) that will try to contort them into a box they weren’t meant to fit in will throw them off course. My favorite questions to help parents with is a kid who’s struggling with the “rules” to fit in, to sit still, to “pay attention”. Those are the kids who can teach us so much if we can allow them to show us how to be more child-like (not child-ish! There is a big difference!)

Are you raising a child who competes or performs at high-levels or is on that track? Such as an athlete, 🎾 musician, 🎻spelling-bee, 🐝 science competition, 🔬🧬actor? 🎭 If so…what should a parent do if the tryout, competition or performance did not go well? 1️⃣ Wait for the child to process and share their thoughts. 2️⃣ If they are very young or taking a very long time invite them to share starting with a positive. “What did you do well today?” 3️⃣ If they aren’t sure, offer your thought on one to two things. 4️⃣ whether they did well or not, Be very careful to refrain from any language that infers judgement about winning or losing. Because even if they placed well, sometimes they may not and any understanding that your approval or pride is based on winning puts undue pressure to win and builds their self worth around winning. Believe me, kids put more than enough pressure on themselves. 5️⃣ Focus on effort. Focus on what they’ve improved first and foremost. 6️⃣ There’s plenty of time in coming days and weeks to focus on what needs improvement after your child has had a chance to assess their own performance and mindset.