Moving Bravely

Yesterday, my son turned 11 months old. (HOW?!) It has me thinking a lot about being present in my work and life. I’ve had the pleasure of working full-time and remote-first while caring for him at home (thanks to my team and our work culture!).

Before becoming a mother, all of my work would blur together as if everything was equally important and had to be done simultaneously!
I would work on a million things at once.
I would have a million tabs open.
I would make LOTS of errors for moving too fast!

Slowly, out of necessity, I have simplified my workflow. I work on fewer things at a time, breaking things down into manageable parts that allow me to jump in and out of projects to get them done.

I still make mistakes, but I am kinder to myself about it. I compassionately remind myself that it is better to keep forward than to stand still and try to make everything perfect.

I have accomplished so much in the past two months, from sunsetting a long-standing brand in May to leading the ex*****on of a brand new way for us to serve our community in June (our workshop sold out in less than two weeks!).

All while playing, breastfeeding, sharing meals, and contact napping with my son.

Becoming a parent is not the end of my career. It is the breeding ground for an even more effective and creative career. One where I feel more present than ever, wherever I am.

10 months 🩵

Of our lives fully woven together.

Of our sweet connection that cannot be for anyone else but us. (Even on days where that feels like such a heavy burden)

Of spending so much time together that it is often hard to remember what life was like before and what it will be once you leave your baby season behind.

Of learning together what it means to live as a mother and a son.

Of my body continuing to provide for you beyond the womb.

Of the healing breastfeeding has brought and is bringing me.

How precious and challenging this is and worth every moment.

I adore you.

Thank you for bringing me growth and healing unlike I’ve ever known.

Mom, I pressure washed around our house this weekend. I felt close to you. I snapped this pic and giggled to myself thinking how much I remind myself of you.

We would so often find you in the yard doing something when the spring sun was shining. Most of those times, you didn’t even bother to change into clothes to get dirty in. You just had to get your hands into the earth or cut the grass. Maybe you would be trimming bushes or ripping out w**ds. Whatever it was, you were fully dressed. Almost as though you couldn’t even make it inside before the landscape lured you in to care for it.

I got 2.5 hours in the past two days of my “liked songs” playlist and the super satisfying task of pressure washing. Uninterrupted. Just me. My tunes. The sun. The breeze. And crisp lines lulling me into meditation.

Thoughts of you came and went. Mostly I danced and sang and smiled. This song played today and it stuck with me.

“I feel so good right now
I can see the sun comin’”

✨

Do you ever feel like your life is what it is because of the small, consistent, seemingly insignificant moments you decided to listen to yourself?

Moving Bravely is that for me. A pep talk and a statement of truth wrapped up in two words.

This two words changed my entire life.

I am Moving Bravely.

Through grief.
In trusting myself.
In motherhood.

I am loving life as fully as I can despite the risk (and guarantee) of heartache or setbacks.

I am Moving Bravely.

I am celebrating two years with Build Carolina this week (Wednesday) 🎉 , and the past two years have gifted me so much - sharing what I now call the "January 22 highlights" here. 🙌

I decided to re-enter the nonprofit sector full-time two years ago this week. I had worked for a mental health nonprofit for eight years before I left with a very unpredictable parachute - my own coaching business called Moving Bravely (now evolving into my writing platform). In that professional season, I managed to generate enough income with my company to contribute what we needed as a family. When I talk about this period of my life now, I refer to it as giving myself a paid sabbatical. I was terrified of leaving my salaried job even though I knew it was time for me.

January 22 has looked *distinct* each year.
2021 - I was exhausted and burnt out working full-time at a mental health nonprofit while showing up online to continue building my business. (Spoiler alert: I announced my resignation in February and worked my last day on April 30, 2021. 🤗 )
2022 - I started working full-time for Build Carolina as the enrollment and student success coach at Carolina Code School.
2023 - We publicly shared that we were expecting a baby.
2024 - I'm tackling work projects and building my next professional goals while breastfeeding and baby-wearing. 🤱

Working for Build Carolina has been a positive and healing professional experience. I have a balance I did not have before. I am making an impact while maintaining financial security, growing professionally while utilizing my skills and creativity, and (almost most importantly!!) taking care of myself, not to mention the immense support I've been given in wearing my newest hat (mom).

PS: Now, I get to work on projects for all of our programs, including SC Codes and Develop Carolina. No better team to get to make an impact with than this one!

I can't wait to see what I'll add to the "January 22 highlights" list next year!

[photos: (left) Demo Day July 2023 / (right) Demo Day November 2023] by

5 months of getting to know B which means it has been 5 months of getting to know myself.

I have gained a few roles to tack on to the end of ‘I am’.

I am a mother.
I am a parent.
I am a caretaker.
I am his world.
I am his nourishment.
I am his safe place.
I am in love.

2023 was a year of full throttle transformation. While I felt I was moving slowly through most of my days (pregnancy), I felt as though I couldn’t catch my breath and reckon with what was changing and shifting in me.

I am catching my breath now. I am realizing that I need to write words down to help me make sense of the magic that is pregnancy and motherhood. There is the obvious change, but there is also the subtle moments of “aha! Look at me now. That’s new!”

They are so quiet and small that I almost miss them as the moment flutters by. Here and then gone just as quickly as I take my next breath.

B has brought me a new kind of magic I had heard existed, but had no true understanding of how great it can be.

I thought I was Wonder Woman before… I truly am Wonder Woman now.

Here’s to more words in 2024. Words you can read here and words you can read on paper to come. 💖

swipe to see my favorite book I read in 2023 🩵✨

Four years ago, I created Moving Bravely, LLC.

It had been just over two years after mom died. I was working full-time in mental health. I was burnt out and depressed. To everyone else, I may have looked as though I was fine.

I was far from it.

I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew I had to do something to change my situation.

So, I started a business. The ultimate plan? To write. I would write about my personal experiences with grief, trauma, shame and vulnerability, body image, and more.

But, then we had a global pandemic and I did what I could to help us while my husband was between jobs. I began to coach and build community. It is what I knew best.

But, this nagging tug to write remained. I just pushed it to the back of my mind, convincing myself that I needed to work more and make sure we had what we needed to pay our bills.

If I am being honest with you today, I was hiding in that. I grew fearful of sharing my experiences. Not because I didn’t think I could, but because I didn’t think people would read what I wrote.

That season, which was about two years long, helped set me up to finally resign from my full-time job and work on Moving Bravely full-time. I still didn’t believe I could write something worth publishing.

Two more years have gone by and I understand why I haven’t published my work *yet*. I still had a few more chapters to live and experience first.

Four years after creating Moving Bravely, I am writing to you while nursing my sleepy son. Becoming a mother was something I had convinced myself I didn’t want after mom died. But, having a child was an ember that could not be fully put out no matter how great the loss.

I just kept moving bravely forward.

Moving Bravely is the reason I am a mother. I fully believe that to be true. Without the last four years, I would not have this experience because MB led me to my current job, my mental, emotional, and physical wellness, as well as my current relationship with myself, my partner, my friends and my family.

It has been a winding road. Some of which you have witnessed here, 90% you have not. I am excited for what is to come of 2024. ✍🏻✨

I am now 34 and would give anything for mom to play with my hair and do my makeup. 💆🏻‍♀️💄

I remember I resisted letting her do this so many times claiming I was busy and had plans and didn’t have the time to sit and hang out with her.

A lot of my missing her can carry guilt and regret for all the time I spent away from her trying to establish my independence and, quite frankly, grow up too quickly.

Oh, to sit on the floor at my mom’s feet as she braided or curled my hair. Head tilted back slightly, allowing the weight of my body to lean fully back into the couch. There is such peace there in that memory. No guilt. No regret. I think I’ll hang out there today. 💖

You never know what is going on behind someone’s smile.

Last year, on Mom’s Day, I hosted a major event for work. I got up. I showered. I styled my hair. I didn’t put on makeup and I’m glad I waited because I sobbed all day leading up to the event.

I missed mom. I was a few weeks pregnant so my hormones were already changing. I was overwhelmed by event planning as there were tons of unknowns around the event still.

If not for these random selfies I took in the car, no one would know. I, myself, would hardly remember.

Grief doesn’t have a look. You can’t see the weight of grief we carry. We show up to work, events, and life with a brave face. Trying not to let out emotions spill out into every conversation.

We walk around wondering how anyone can go about their lives without missing the person we lost. And, worst yet, never getting to meet them at all!

Behind my smiling face, I was aching inside. I missed my mom so much. It had been five years, and yet, I was in pain.

The grief doesn’t get smaller. It doesn’t go away. The pain I was feeling was the desperation to hear my mom say she was proud of me with a hug.

Be kind to those smiling faces. If someone has lost someone they love, ask them about them. Don’t ignore their person. Hold space for them to cry or smile or laugh while remembering and sharing them after they are gone.

If you are missing someone, let them spill into conversations. Find ways to share about them. Allow yourself to cry or laugh through a memory of them. They are still with us. We just have to find new ways to see and feel them.

👋 New avatar! 😍

There has been a lot of talk lately about AI and art. I decided I would celebrate my local artist by commissioning my friend to create an updated avatar that captured me in my life today: books, baby, barbells (see also dumbbells ☺️), and me writing again ✨

Matti nailed it! 💁🏻‍♀️
[and added a little Wonder Woman detail, too! 👸🏻]

Can’t wait to order it as a sticker for my Kindle!

Thanks, Matti!! 🫶

These November memories continue to remind me how special and how tragic this month has been for us over the years.

8 years ago today we snuck mini bottles of Jack Daniel’s in our cowboy boots to mix with our stadium cups of Coke. I didn’t even drink Jack and Coke (and still don’t!)🥴 but we did that day. I remember feeling so full of nerves because I loved you so much, and at six months into our relationship, we hadn’t said it to each other. So, despite a weekend stay at the cheapest Airbnb EVER (we slept on a sh*tty mattress on the floor of a disgusting college students’ run down rental house filled with w**d smoke 😚💨 and a dog that wouldn’t stay out of our room), I blurted it out at the game. I couldn’t keep it in any longer!

I remember you asking me to repeat what I said and I kept saying “I didn’t say anything! 🤭” But, I eventually relented and told you I loved you again to which you told me you loved me. Right there in Neyland Stadium on a Saturday in November.

I loved you so much then and it has only grown deeper and more grounded since. That day I was full of butterflies and excitement. Today, I am filled with peace and stability. This is the kind of love I needed. One that is secure, stable, and deep.

I am so grateful that we are waking up to our son eight years later. 🩵

😂 when I mention the anniversary of the day, Rob always says, “we still should’ve won that game!” 😬