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People have asked about my PTSD and how I got it. Most of you know, but if you don't...well I'm an open book so I thought I would share.
I was 18 and a senior in highschool. I was doing a University guitar scholarship audition at UTSA. I went with my father. To make a long story short, I got the full scholarship and was so excited. See, i had dropped out of highschool and then went back and finished. So going to a university on a full music scholarship was a big deal.
My professor Matt Dunne went with me to share the good news with my Dad. Matt introduced himself and told him of my scholarship, but my Dad seemed confused. My Dad apologized and said he was out of it. He then turned to me and gave me the car keys and said for me to drive.
So we were walking out of the music building and I'm jumping up and down and said "hey Dad, didn't all that practice pay off"? He said yeah, and then took a step to a bench and threw himself into a bench and threw back his arm and started moaning horribly. I ran back into the building and yelled "help, call 911 my Dad is having a heart attack."
And he moaned so horribly. And I was frantic. I didn't know what to do. I put a newspaper over his face so he wouldn't stare at the sun. Jesus how stupid. And the paramedics finally arrived and laid him on the ground. I held his hand and was praying. And a female held my hand and prayed with me. The paramedics were using the defibrillator on him...and everytime they did he squeezed my hand back. They tried over and over.
For my sake they loaded him on a stretcher and put him in the ambulance. I knew he was dead. That they just didn't want to call the time of death in front of me.
I stopped crying and was shocked and quiet. I knew everything was going to be different now. My poor Dad was so strong, but he looked so scared. And I didn't help him at all. I just put a newspaper over his face. One of the guys from the audition said he was having a stroke and not a heart attack..so I didn't do chest compressions or mouth to mouth.
What was I going to do?! How would Mom manage? All these different thoughts racing thru my head.
I will share the rest of this later.
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