09/10/2024
**Human Being Human**
Today, I find myself in a unique place as I approach my 52nd birthday this Friday—an occasion that almost didn't happen. Reflecting on the past 15 months, I’ve come to take stock of my life.
Since my close call with death, I’ve shed 30 pounds and maintained my ideal weight for over a year—something I've struggled to achieve since high school. In the past, my motivation was largely about looking good for myself and others, rooted in a mix of self-love and pride. Just a human being human. But now, after witnessing the reality of mortality, I can no longer ignore the thought: "What would my loved ones endure if I were gone?" My Suzy, my sons, their wives, and my grandchildren—my Mike! I want to live as long and healthily as possible for them. The physical changes I’ve made are merely an outward manifestation of the profound emotional and mental shifts occurring within me.
I’ve also shifted to living from a place of gratitude. I’m simply grateful to be here—today! Tomorrow is a myth, a distraction that can keep us from appreciating the beauty of the present moment. Life can feel overwhelming, dark, and unworthy, but if you step back and view the bigger picture, you’ll see the art being created with each experience. It’s perfectly fine not to see the light all the time; just remember to extend grace to yourself and those around you. We’re all just humans being human, and that’s okay.
I’m learning to embrace a life rooted in love. Tonight, I stood before the mirror, taking an honest look at my vulnerable self. The mirror reflects not only my physical appearance but also my evolving identity. When I frowned and hunched my shoulders, I saw an old man—a reflection that filled me with fear and pain, unable to ignore the fact that I’m aging faster each day. This realization is compounded by my hip injury from a few years ago while playing with the boys, my dad’s recent passing, and even a new shoulder pain from lifting weights that felt too light to cause such discomfort. But then I changed my demeanor; I smiled, straightened my back, and saw a completely different image. I looked vibrant, strong, and youthful.
Yet, I had to pause and reflect. I’m neither of those images entirely. Since my near-death experience, I've been striving for honesty with myself. Two years ago, I could have easily followed one of two paths: believing I was old and broken or embracing the notion that I am just as strong, if not stronger, than the younger generation. Allowing myself to dwell on either path could have led to wasted energy and pain. I’ve seen friends cling to their youth in unhealthy ways, chasing old lives, loves, or obsessing over missed opportunities. I’ve done the same. I’ve also seen others abandon their youth too soon, giving up on their health and happiness because they believe it’s already too late.
Today, I sat with my vulnerabilities and acknowledged them, all while coming from a place of love. I’m not an old, decrepit man just yet, and if I’m fortunate, I will be someday. I may not be as strong as I once was, but that’s alright. I’m just a human being human—and I am enough. Seeing myself in the mirror for who I am, at this point in my life—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—was both beautiful and scary. In the end, I like who I am, and I’m grateful to be here with those I love. I will hold them close in my heart, and when the moments are right, I will embrace them warmly for as long as they allow. I will also hold myself in that same place of love and acceptance.
A dear friend recently sent me a photo from a weekend retreat at our cabin. He said it captured me in my best light. I hope this is the version of myself I can carry with me for the rest of my days, no matter how long that may be. And when I fall short of love and make mistakes, I will still cherish myself because, after all, I’m just a human being human—and that’s okay. I am enough, and I like me.
In the end, my hope in writing this is that you, we all, can embrace our own humanity with love and gratitude. We can take a vulnerable and honest look in the mirror, see our humanness, and love ourselves wherever we are, being grateful for the beautiful and horrific experience it is to be human.
