Cairn Transition Coaching

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We've designed the program to have lasting effects and benefit both parents and teens. There is a reason we have two c...
05/18/2022

We've designed the program to have lasting effects and benefit both parents and teens. There is a reason we have two coaches—parents and their teens need the same tools but independent support. Reach out for a free consultation today.

Emotional enmeshment might not be easy to spot right off the bat, but once you know what to look for, it's pretty easy t...
05/08/2022

Emotional enmeshment might not be easy to spot right off the bat, but once you know what to look for, it's pretty easy to recognize. You know your relationship is enmeshed when you've lost sight of your own needs and you can't recognize what YOU want because you're trying so hard to take care of what another person wants or needs. This usually happens because you care SO MUCH, but if you're not taking care of YOU, can any relationship be truly fulfilling?

What are you putting out into the world? Is it kindness and positivity? Whatever you put out into the world is going to ...
05/04/2022

What are you putting out into the world? Is it kindness and positivity? Whatever you put out into the world is going to come back around. Check out our Story to hear Seth tell about a recent experience that reminded him of this reality.



Does listening to your teen really make a difference?Teens will only escalate their behavior when we force them to deny ...
04/27/2022

Does listening to your teen really make a difference?
Teens will only escalate their behavior when we force them to deny who they really are or what they are really feeling. Feeling emotions to the fullest is a great gift we can give ourselves and our teens. How can we help others feel fully? We listen.

My 17-year-old came home the other night feeling angry, frustrated, resentful, and confused—So upset he didn’t know what to do with himself. He had good reason too. So many thoughts went through my head of what to say and what to do and how to help him and what I thought he needed…

I paused and thought, “What is REALLY needed?”

Me.
To.
Listen.

So I DID! I listened and supported him and let him vent and vent and vent. And then, he vented some more. I encouraged him to get it all out. I could see him becoming calmer and more in control and taking more breaths; soon he was talking and explaining what happened.

It was magic.

Then, after I had listened for a good long time, and after we went to bed, and after we woke up and had breakfast, THEN, we talked about options.

Research shows that the action of venting frustration can be a positive way to reduce stress. Buuuut, venting can also increase stress and amplify the situation. The difference between a positive and negative experience completely depends on the LISTENER!

When we listen to others with empathy and non-judgment, without trying to necessarily “fix” something, we not only show that we care about someone's emotions and experiences but endorphins are released in both the “venter” and the “listener” that form deeper bonds and connections.

This skill of empathetic listening and allowing your teen to feel their emotions fully is one of the most rewarding skills taught in the Cairn Education Program. This skill isn’t just for families with teens coming home from wilderness therapy, this is important for any relationship.

Sign up today to learn how to become a better listener.

04/19/2022

Allowing your Teen to Fail Teaches them Autonomy

Parenting for autonomy is my number one priority. More than anything else, I want to teach my children to be self-governing. To take full responsibility for their emotions and actions. To pursue a course of action they competently set for themselves; born out of confidence in their ability to figure anything out. To learn resilience in the face of mistakes and regrets.

The only way to do this, as far as I can tell, is to let them fail and fail and fail some more. The more I step back from saving them and step into supporting and guiding with unconditional love, the more they figure and figure and figure things out. When I step into an accountability role, they will come to me in a completely different way. I’m still very involved, but I’m not “driving"" in any way.

Experts have even done studies on the impact “helicopter parenting” can have on children. As a parent, you want your teen to make the best choices for their life, but what if allowing them to make THEIR choice, really is the best choice for THEIR life, even if it’s not your choice. It’s not easy. But it is rewarding when they develop the skills to succeed through their own experience.

But still. It’s REALLY NOT EASY. In the moment, I WANT to save and swaddle and hold tight and fix. But it just doesn’t work… and it doesn’t teach anyone anything. What you and I must do instead is live with that want, and not act on it, because what we REALLY want is to inspire independence by letting them freaking figure it out for themselves. It’s so hard sometimes, but man oh man, they are so incredibly capable and so very resourceful.

So let go of that control. It’s ok. If you need encouragement or support in that effort, we’re here for you. Reach out.

If you want to have a great relationship with your teen, then have great thoughts about them. So much of your experience...
04/13/2022

If you want to have a great relationship with your teen, then have great thoughts about them. So much of your experience and level of connection is all determined by how you think. You might have a habit of slipping into negative thoughts and assumptions about a situation and other’s motives. Where do these thoughts come from? Probably past programming which can cause knee-jerk reactions and unintentional disconnection. There are 3 simple steps to break out of this pattern and act more thoughtfully.

Step 1: Become 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 of your thoughts. Meditation or journaling can be so helpful here.
Step 2: Decide 𝗵𝗼𝘄 you want to act. How you act impacts others as well as yourself.
Step 3: Make all your 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗔𝗙𝗧𝗘𝗥 you change your thinking.

Changing your thinking seems like complete hogwash at first, but it’s the secret, I swear. There is something, somewhere, some hidden gem of a thought that is TRUE and HELPFUL that can be the catalyst of change for your new thoughts in regards to your struggling teen.

Some of my favorite helpful thoughts start with, “It’s possible...” For example, “It’s possible things are going to be ok.” or “It’s possible they need to experience this in order for them to grow and learn for their future.”

Find a thought that could be true and helpful about your teen. Then repeat it in your head like a broken record. Your belief in them will change your world and possibly change theirs too.

For more guidance on how to help your teen transition from wilderness therapy, send us a message

04/07/2022

What are your favorite parenting books?

04/05/2022

It's not what you think it might be. The key to getting your adult children to raise the expectations they have for themselves is to let go of your expectations of them. Scary right? If you ever want guidance on how to do this, that's what Cairn does for parents and teens.

03/31/2022

What's the silliest lie you've ever caught yourself in?

Our relationships with anyone depend on our thoughts about them. Your expectations of them—and how they meet those—deter...
03/29/2022

Our relationships with anyone depend on our thoughts about them. Your expectations of them—and how they meet those—determine your thoughts about them. You can’t have love for someone; you just have loving thoughts when you think about that person. You can’t be mad at someone; you can only have thoughts that make you mad. Someone can’t hurt your feelings; you simply have thoughts that hurt.

No matter what a person does or doesn’t do, they cannot make you love or not love them. It’s all YOUR thoughts. And the same goes in reverse. You will never be able to MAKE someone else love you, respect you or think about you in a specific way. You can only control your half of the relationship and how you feel about it.

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South Jordan, UT

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+18018854668

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