03/27/2023
The past 72 hours have taken me on a deep, deep
dive back into the abyss of my soul and the depths of my heart. It’s been a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions. I’m blissful and happy and then depressed and then angry. I cry and then scream and then sit alone in my car for 2 hours watching raindrops hit my windshield in the QUIET and then I get out dancing and being silly. My thoughts have raced out of control at times. I‘ve had to consciously reel them back in with tearful mantras and prayers that sound a lot like pleas and hopeful requests for help. Sleeping has been almost impossible and worries have become a challenge. I don’t worry, usually. I have become the Captain of my emotions… riding the waves and controlling the wake of my vessel. I’m in control, but damnit it’s been a slippery ride.
If you have felt any part of this, I bow to you. This is rough. It’s ending soon, I hear. You’ve got this!! I’m with you. I see you!!
God reminds me that not all of this is mine or from this lifetime… but I am responsible to clear it and remove it from my bloodline. I am honored to do so. I was built for this. My shoulders are broad for a reason.
The memories that are surfacing have been surprising. Things I haven’t thought about in 30 years are coming to mind and playing on a loop. Once I reconcile it all in my heart, by forgiving myself or someone else, it stops and a new memory quickly jumps in. Conversations in my head have been LOUD. Conversations I’ve had in my life, overheard or have wished to have at one time in my life are looping also. God says it’s to clear (for good) from my heart and soul to make genuine room for what (and who) is coming in.
I am trusting this process and flowing with it. I’m staying hydrated and spending as much time alone as possible… feeling through it all. Music has been my BFF.
I‘m ready to be held. ♥️😉
Hang in there everyone!
I love you,
☀️-BE