Jack Stoltzfus, Ph.D.

Jack Stoltzfus, Ph.D. America’s Launch Coach for parents launching adult children toward independence and self-sufficiency. Education

It’s time to ratchet back on my activity. As such, I’ve made some decisions going into next year. Read more about my new...
08/25/2026

It’s time to ratchet back on my activity. As such, I’ve made some decisions going into next year. Read more about my new emphasis and where I need your involvement in this article.

It’s time to ratchet back on my activity. As such, I’ve made some decisions going into next year. I will be giving up my psychology license as of December 31st, along with my contracts with insurance companies. Essentially, I want to back off on the clinical work and the hassles that accompany l...

Want to Relate Better to Your Young Adult? Listen With the Third Ear
08/20/2026

Want to Relate Better to Your Young Adult? Listen With the Third Ear

Want to Relate Better to Your Young Adult? Listen With the Third Ear What could I possibly mean by the “third ear?” The expression comes from Theodore Reik, a psychoanalyst and author of a book of that title. It refers to the ability to listen to a person’s underlying needs and emotions and no...

What Can Parents Do to Prevent Violent Actions by Young Adult Children?
08/18/2026

What Can Parents Do to Prevent Violent Actions by Young Adult Children?

The recent assassination of Charlie Kirk comes on the heels of the attack and mass killing of two children and the injury of twenty-one other victims at Annunciation Church in Minneapolis. How could this happen? What mental health problem did these shooters have? Where were the parents? Friends? Wer...

Children Who Divorce Us
08/13/2026

Children Who Divorce Us

One of my favorite writers and clinicians is Michelle Weiner-Davis. If you have read any books in the marriage field, you may recognize her book Divorce Busters or The S*x Starved Marriage, both of which I have recommended to couples with whom I have worked over the last forty years. It was a deligh...

Why Apologize to Your Young Adult if it Didn’t Happen or You Don’t Remember it?
08/11/2026

Why Apologize to Your Young Adult if it Didn’t Happen or You Don’t Remember it?

I recently talked with my son and mentioned that I didn’t believe in spanking, but when his older sister lied to me, I sent her to her room and told her to prepare for a spanking. I’m not sure if the actual spanking ever occurred, but if it did, the impact paled in comparison to […]

The first foundational practice that will enable our young adults to leave in a healthy way is that of connecting. Kids ...
08/06/2026

The first foundational practice that will enable our young adults to leave in a healthy way is that of connecting. Kids don’t leave well if they leave a home that is not well. If the relationship is strained and contentious and parents are angry, resentful, anxious, frustrated, fearful, protective, and other such emotions, it becomes hard for the young adult to leave and the parent to let go.

The first foundational practice that will enable our young adults to leave in a healthy way is that of connecting. Kids don’t leave well if they leave a home that is not well. If the relationship is strained and contentious and parents are angry, resentful, anxious, frustrated, fearful, protective...

Living at home has nothing to do with a self-sufficient, independent, “launched,” and emotionally separated young adult....
08/04/2026

Living at home has nothing to do with a self-sufficient, independent, “launched,” and emotionally separated young adult. I would be hard-pressed to say a young adult who has a caring and amiable relationship with their parents, and who contributes to the household (pays rent, cooks meals, does their laundry, helps out with household chores, pays for their expenses) is not launched. My focus is not on where they live or when they will move out, but on increasing the responsible independence of the young adult.

If you live in India, there’s nothing abnormal about a young adult living at home. I recently guested on the podcast KAJ Masterclass. My host informed me that if a twenty-something young adult in India were not living at home, the parents and community would be concerned. Seventy to eighty percent...

07/30/2026

At the launching stage, typically between ages 18 and 29, the relationship between the parent and young adult needs to reform. A definition of “reform” is to change in order to improve. In a contrarian way, I believe this next foundational practice should involve getting closer to our young adults and not backing away. Let’s be clear about what getting closer doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean getting closer by exerting more control or trying to direct the young adult to our desired ends.

“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow, Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead, Walk beside me…” ― Albert Camus At the launching stage, typically between ages 18 and 29, the relationship between the parent and young adult needs to reform. A definition of “reform” is to change...

07/28/2026

When I worked as an executive coach at 3M, I told my coaching clients that they could become a better person but not necessarily a better leader, but they could not become a better leader unless they became a better person. I propose that this statement is true for us as parents. We can become better parents only if we are willing to become better people. But what exactly does it mean to become a better person or parent?

It’s only taken me forty years to figure out why I do what I do. Over the years, I have been involved in youth ministry, working with adolescents with substance abuse problems, at 3M helping people with personal issues (Manager of 3M EAP) and helping leaders be better leaders, to now focusing on h...

What the 2026 Parent Survey Tells Us About Launching Young Adults
07/23/2026

What the 2026 Parent Survey Tells Us About Launching Young Adults

I’m a big believer that professionals don’t have all the answers, and we can learn much by asking parents about their experience. In March and April of 2026, parents were asked about their experience with young adults. This is the third such survey I have done in the last ten years. Here are som...

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