Jack Stoltzfus, Ph.D.

10/15/2026

If you want to learn how to be a better parent when your children are in their young adult years, you have to improve your “brand.” What do I mean? A brand is a perception our young adults have of us as parents. It involves their understanding of our values, our parenting style, our approach to parenting (permissive or strict), our expectations, beliefs, etc.

Every parent has a brand that exists in the minds of their children. Just like a product, brand exists in the minds of the consumer. Post-it Notes as a brand are worth a lot of money because of the positive perceptions consumers have about them. How can we learn about our brand? Ask our young adults?

If you want to learn how to be a better parent when your children are in their young adult years, you have to improve your “brand.” What do I mean? A brand is a perception our young adults have of us as parents. It involves their understanding of our values, our parenting style, our approach [.....

10/12/2026

What Can Parents do About Substance Abuse?

“My twenty-five-year-old son is on a bender and has been drunk for three days. He’s sleeping it off in my basement?” A desperate father asked me this question when he called for an appointment. What would you do? Let me fill in a little more of the story. This bright twenty-five-year-old young...

10/08/2026

How to Stay Connected as Your Young Adult Pulls Away

One repeated concern of parents is the fear that their actions, if too harsh, may lead their son or daughter to cut them off. This fear is not unfounded, since 1 in 4 young adults become estranged (cut off) from their parents for a period of time during young adulthood. Is there anything a parent [....

10/06/2026

On October 23rd, I will be doing an in-person workshop on my work with families of young adults with launch challenges. There will also be opportunities for Zoom or on-your-own-time options. Although targeted to professionals, parents and those working with youth could also benefit from attendance.

I started with parents of millennials, and now it's parents of Gen Zs and the challenges have not changed - stuck at home, not moving toward independence, or left home and cut off communication. My work as America's launch coach is to help parents successfully launch their kids into self-sufficient, independent adulthood while maintaining a caring connection with them. Come learn how I accomplish this mission.

10/01/2026

When your Young Adult Leaves Home, Should you Let them Come Back?

My experience is that it’s best to support a one-way ticket when leaving home. There are circumstances where a transition back home can be helpful for the young adult and in some cases for the parent. In the former case, sometimes a young adult needs a transition period to another job, another apartment, or as in the case of my youngest daughter a move back home to save money and prepare for marriage. In such cases, it’s important to establish a timeline for this transition and hold the young adult accountable to meet it.

When your Young Adult Leaves Home, Should you Let them Come Back? My experience is that it’s best to support a one-way ticket when leaving home. There are circumstances where a transition back home can be helpful for the young adult and in some cases for the parent. In the former case, sometimes a...

09/29/2026

In my early young adult years, while working in a local Seafood Restaurant, I was taunted by several of my co-workers to jump off of the 34th street Bridge that joins Ocean City, New Jersey (an island) with the mainland. Not to back down from a dare, I jumped off the bridge. It’s maybe forty or fifty feet high so boats could travel under it. We never even checked to see if a boat was coming through. That was crazy behavior. Would I do it now? No way!

Why would I have done this stunt then, and why do some young adults participate in risky behavior such as this?

In my early young adult years, while working in a local Seafood Restaurant, I was taunted by several of my co-workers to jump off of the 34th street Bridge that joins Ocean City, New Jersey (an island) with the mainland. Not to back down from a dare, I jumped off the bridge. It’s maybe forty […]

09/24/2026

Many times the young adult does not acknowledge the struggles they may be having or the need for professional help. This should not hold you back as a parent from seeking such help for yourself.

A professional can help you learn how to cope with the frustrations and challenges you are facing with your young adult and how to take care of yourself. Here are some common indicators that the parent is suffering and may need to seek professional help regardless of the interest of the young adult in this.

Many times the young adult does not acknowledge the struggles they may be having or the need for professional help. This should not hold you back as a parent from seeking such help for yourself. A professional can help you learn how to cope with the frustrations and challenges you are facing with yo...

09/22/2026

Do we sometimes “ghost” our kids because we are frustrated and disappointed with their attitude or actions? In other words, do we shut them out, stonewall, or ignore them? When I arrived home at the age of twenty-one proudly sporting a new scraggly beard, I was not well received.

My mother said she had nightmares about me, and my father would not speak to me. It later occurred to me that my father was “shunning” me as a way of showing his displeasure (something he no doubt had seen with his father, who was raised Amish). We may not resort to shunning our young adults, but we can shut them out in other ways when we are displeased. Such actions, on our part, undermine the normal and healthy process of letting go.

Our young adults can’t move forward with the moving on process in a healthy way if our relationship with them is broken.

Do we sometimes “ghost” our kids because we are frustrated and disappointed with their attitude or actions? In other words, do we shut them out, stonewall, or ignore them? When I arrived home at the age of twenty-one proudly sporting a new scraggly beard, I was not well received. My mother said ...

09/17/2026

Most likely your young adult will not be living at home in five years, especially if they have anything to say about it. When I ask this question of young adult clients – “Where will you be living five years from now?” I have never had a young adult over sixteen say, “I just want to be living with mommy and daddy!”

It doesn’t happen.

That said, there are some exceptions where the young adult is struggling with a physical or mental disability. Even in such cases, the young adult still desires to be independent and self-sufficient. In this culture, there is a strong norm of moving out and on with one’s life during the late teens and early twenties. So how can a parent begin a conversation around a future state?

Most likely your young adult will not be living at home in five years, especially if they have anything to say about it. When I ask this question of young adult clients – “Where will you be living five years from now?” I have never had a young adult over sixteen say, “I just want […]

09/15/2026

Why Parents Should Apologize to Their Young Adult Children

My father was a good man, but “I’m sorry” were words I never heard from him. He was part of the silent generation and likely never heard those words from his father either. I guess that such an act would be seen as a sign of weakness and diminish his authority. Unless we are perfect […]