Dr. Debbie Ribera

In a perfect world immersion in nature would be an essential part of therapy and allllll of our kids would have the chance to access nature through the standard public education curriculum. Imagine?!
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I just spent an incredible 5 days in Sedona, Arizona. Nature grounds me, centers me, renews me, and restores me in a way nothing else can. Immersing myself in the natural world connects me to my spirit. When I’m walking these paths I feel safe and held. Those red rock energy vortexes definitely worked their magic on me!
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I always say that our national/regional parks and forests are the best things the US has to offer the world. Please, please do whatever you can to advocate for the preservation of these lands. We have done so much damage to the earth, the least we can do is faithfully steward the lands we have already committed to preserving.
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Bonus pic from my first time in Sedona 3 years ago, hiking w Russ!

If you have a therapist, please know that they are likely deeply grateful for you. In fact, I sit in gratitude, hands over heart, after all my sessions, just in awe that I can witness these lives, these hearts.

Sometimes I can’t believe I even get paid to be a therapist (but I'm so thankful I do!). This is me getting ready to celebrate a client’s birthday today 😆 Practicing therapy feels like an absolute gift in my life. It challenges me in all the right ways. My clients endlessly inspire me and I learn from them in truly meaningful ways every single week.

I've at times had a fraught relationship with my therapist identity. Therapist burnout is real! I’ve been through it numerous times and of course it could come for me again. But for now, I’m good. For me, burnout has never been the fault of clients being "too hard." It's been the fault of dysfunctional systems and me, myself, and I. I’ve had to make a lot of tough decisions to get to a place where I can practice sustainably. To be therapy-ready (the way I need to be, which is not everyone’s way!) I have to radically prioritize myself. It takes a lot of intention, time, and effort. I’m always working on balance. Always!

I still clearly remember my very first session with my very first client as a Marriage and Family Therapist trainee. I still have a note and bandana in my office from the very first student I ever saw as a school counseling intern. So many children, families, and adults have left their mark on my heart over the years. I carry you all with me, truly! I am in disbelief that I’ve been practicing for so long, but I’m proof that after 20 years in this profession (in varrrrrious roles), you can still find passion. I am endlessly grateful for what I see as a sacred opportunity to participate in the lives of others. 💙💚💙💚

I was lucky enough to spend lots of time enjoying the beautiful trails and community of Altadena when I lived in Pasadena. I’m gutted to see the devastation there and beyond in LA due to the fires. So many memories made and lost. The impermanence of life never fails to stun me. Those things we think will last forever can be gone in an instant. There’s no easy path through the suffering that ensues as nature and human struggle to regenerate, regrow, renew… 💔💔💔

Beyond excited to share that I'll working as part of a team this year to produce a documentary about Life Club MMA, a sports mentoring and training program that uses mixed martial arts to help participants learn the values of consistency, sacrifice, and love. I'm going to do my best to live by their motto: ¡Esfuérzate y sé valiente!💪👊🫶

What is covert psychological abuse?
And what does it look like in the context of a relationship?

Of course being yelled at, called names, and humiliated in front of others are classic, straightforward examples of emotional/psychological abuse. But there are many other forms of abuse that are just as common. Hidden forms of abuse. Psychological manipulation, gaslighting, deceptive sexuality, deceit, omission, coercive control…the list goes on.

Psychological abusers will go to great lengths to obscure, defend, distract, and distort the reality of what’s happening. They routinely push victims into a forced choice. You either believe the abuser’s intentionally manipulated reality or you believe your own. If you have grown up in a narcissistic and/or alcoholic family, you are much less likely to trust your own gut instincts. This makes you the perfect target for a psychological abuser, as you trust their intentionally manipulated reality more than you trust yourself.

Covert psychological abuse is such an intentionally twisted psychological operation that it’s often not even understood as abuse to the victim until they are safely outside of the relationship. And although we know that psychological abuse can have just as severe effects as physical abuse (if not more), therapists, family, and friends will often minimize it and expect the victim to move past it with a little grit and a new dating profile. This only creates more trauma, more isolation, and more pain for victims. Victims of covert psychological abuse are often left with a sense of cognitive dissonance so severe it can cause life-threatening mental health issues.

I’ve created a list of vetted resources that can help anyone who is suffering from this and related types of abuse or knows someone who is. Many of these resources are also geared towards therapists, who are sadly woefully undereducated in this area. I hope it can help you, a friend, or a client. Stay safe, stay educated!
https://bit.ly/psychabuse

Psychological Abuse Resources.pdf

How have you helped yourself heal during this pandemic? Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, relationally?
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It’s become clear that we can’t wait until the “end” of this pandemic to address the trauma we have all endured because of it. The time to nurture yourself is now.
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I created this guided journal to help you begin or continue this process of healing. These are the steps I worked through and continue to work through to help me bring awareness to the various parts of myself that have been affected during this era.
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There are no miracles here. Just a small and earnest attempt to stand by you as we all seek meaningful growth, deeper understanding, and better days ahead. I truly hope you or someone you care about can benefit from this resource!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09MDLFHXD?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Healing: A Guided Journal for Processing a Global Pandemic Healing: A Guided Journal for Processing a Global Pandemic

Can’t quite put into words how deeply proud I am of my brother. It’s been a great lesson to me to see how Tony has used his personal challenges to help himself grow professionally. I have witnessed the immense amount of work he has put in to strengthen his mindset and act on his motivation. The methods he’s using really work, but only because he’s committed himself to consistency. He’s the excellence of ex*****on if you will (iykyk) 😉

In this presentation, Tony seamlessly weaves his personal philosophy for self-development into his professional philosophy for improving communication with his colleagues. I wish all scholarship was encouraged to be this vulnerable, actionable, and compassionate—in service of both personal and professional growth.

I highly recommend giving it a watch. Even if you’re not in academia, I promise you’ll get something out of it. And you'll definitely gain some insight into the journey of an MS diagnosis.

Shout out to the University of Denver’s Dra. Sarah Hurtado (SSHurtadoPhD on Twitter) for creating a safe space for Tony to present in 🙏

16J1 - Assessment without Limits: Reframing Consultation Meetings with Faculty and Student Affairs Educators - Tony Ribera - Indiana University

They say the desert is unforgiving. Its searing sun, thorny terrain, and vast landscape can be cruel. This past Friday, though, I saw how compassionate action can provide a moment of mercy within this harsh environment. I had the opportunity to volunteer with Humane Borders, a nonprofit organization in Tucson, Arizona that maintains water stations throughout the borderlands in an effort to save migrants from horrible deaths due to dehydration and exposure.

The migrants walk paths of great desperation and great hope. I felt both of those emotions as we filled up water tanks and observed the environment, seeing the evidence of what I know is a harrowing and traumatic journey.

These water stations are sometimes vandalized and destroyed by Americans who believe that a human who crosses an imaginary boundary projected onto the earth by war and politics deserves to die a painful and torturous death.

Humane Borders is not necessarily taking a political position on immigration policy. They are simply saying that human beings do not deserve to die a terrible death. Imagine a world in which our local and global actions and politics were being driven by the simple ethic of compassion. It is possible and I think we would agree on policy much more often if that was our core ethic.

Two of the people in our group were retirees…they saw a need and wanted to do what they could to reduce human suffering. Compassion is made manifest through their admirable actions, but we also spread compassion through our words, through our attitudes, and yes, through our commitment to create a better planet by using the great power of our democratic vote.

The first photo here shows one of the water stations Humane Borders maintains, the second a commonly-traveled migrant path through thorns and brush. The third shows individual migrant deaths that have happened along the corridor we serviced today. The fourth shows a vandalized memorial to those who have died. The fifth, a memorial still standing.

Visit humaneborders.org to support this mission. The organization is almost entirely run by volunteers!

In higher ed, after professors have achieved tenure they can apply to take a sabbatical. Many people assume that a sabbatical is a paid break. It is paid. And you don’t teach classes or go to meetings. But actually, you have to submit a plan for what you will achieve on a sabbatical. It’s often used to satisfy work expectations that professors don’t have time to meet during their typical schedule. Some write articles or books, others do research they’ve been putting off. Instead of a rejuvenating break, this time can turn into yet another context in which you feel pressured to produce, produce, produce.
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Despite what it’s turned into, the word “sabbatical” comes from the word “sabbath.” The idea is that sacred rest and spiritual recharge can deepen and enrich your work.
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About a year ago, Nate encouraged me to start thinking about self-funding my own sabbatical, staying faithful to the true meaning of the word. I didn’t think it could or would happen, and wasn't even sure if I wanted it to happen at some points because I do love my work. But I planned for it anyways. And now after a few unexpected twists and turns, here I am on top of a rock called Cow Pile in Sedona, Arizona, without a soul around, writing in my journal. A truly sacred rest time.
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I’ll be taking a hiatus from posting here for awhile to embark on this sabbatical journey. If you’d like to follow along, I started a side blog you can follow: https://debbieunpacks.wordpress.com
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I feel relieved and deeply grateful to have the opportunity to nurture myself during this time. I hope this encourages you to nurture yourself, even for a minute, a day, a weekend, a week. Or maybe this is your sign to start planning your own self-funded sabbatical now 💙💚

One of the highlights of my week has been teaching a sexual health course to students at Five Keys Schools & Programs. To give you an idea of how amazing the students have been...I used this 90210 clip to open our discussion of sexual decision making (iykyk) and they totally played along, very accurately breaking down these peak Brenda/Dylan relationship vibes. It was a great moment in my career. 🙏