The Gottman Institute, Seattle, WA (2026)

Photos from The Gottman Institute's post

06/03/2026

Sometimes people lose sight of themselves in relationships without realizing it at first.
Life gets busy. Responsibilities grow. Conversations become centered around schedules, logistics, caregiving, and everything that needs to get done.
And over time, people can stop expressing their own needs, feelings, interests, and individuality.
According our Gottman research, healthy relationships make room for both connection and individuality. Strong couples support each other’s personal growth, emotional expression, friendships, goals, hobbies, and evolving sense of self.
This month’s Love Notes explores how expressing yourself more openly can strengthen emotional intimacy while helping you stay connected to who you are, too.
Subscribers will also receive a simple 10-minute self check-in guide designed to help couples reconnect with themselves and each other.
Sign up here: https://bit.ly/4g0CwVT

06/02/2026

What’s the difference between attraction and love?
According to Dr. Julie Gottman, attraction is often immediate and physiological. It’s chemistry, curiosity, and the pull you feel toward another person.
But love grows differently. It deepens through understanding someone over time. Their values, experiences, needs, fears, and dreams.
Research from the Gottmans has consistently found that strong relationships are built on friendship, admiration, and truly knowing one another’s inner world.
We asked John and Julie Gottman 30 relationship questions, and this was one of their answers. Watch the full video here: https://bit.ly/4wuS9Om

06/01/2026

Healthy relationships don’t just help us feel loved. At their best, they can become emotional refuge from a world that has made us feel unsafe, rejected, or “less than.”
Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that healthy relationships are built on trust, commitment, and the absence of contempt. But contempt doesn’t only happen inside relationships. Sometimes it comes from outside them too through shame, judgment, discrimination, or messages that tell people they need to be less of themselves in order to belong.
Emotionally safe relationships help challenge those narratives.
Not by “fixing” someone, but by creating space for people to feel seen, accepted, respected, and safe enough to fully be themselves.
At its best, love becomes a sanctuary.
Read the full article here: https://bit.ly/49w6AYK

05/29/2026

Raise your hand if you feel better knowing Dr. John and Dr. Julie ALSO struggle with the same things we do.
Because yes, even the experts have perpetual problems.
Dr. Julie describes herself as deeply affected by her environment. When things feel cluttered and overwhelming around her, they feel cluttered and overwhelming inside, too. Dr. John? Charming and sloppy. (Their words, not ours.)
That difference is exactly what makes this such a great example of attunement. It’s not just about “helping with chores.” It’s realizing, “This may not bother me the same way it bothers my partner, but it affects them. And because I love them, I can care about that.”
That’s what makes his response so emotionally intelligent. He’s not hearing, “Here’s a list of tasks.” He’s hearing, “My partner is stressed and needs support." Sometimes turning toward your partner looks like a deep conversation.. and sometimes it looks like clearing the counters, moving the books off the stairs, noticing the clutter, and choosing to be a better teammate before resentment builds. Perpetual issues don’t mean something is “wrong” with your relationship. They mean you’re two different people learning how to live, love, and care for each other with more awareness. 💙

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05/29/2026

Research shows women bring up relationship concerns 80% of the time.
Not because women “want to argue,” and not because men don’t care.
More often, it reflects an imbalance where one partner becomes more responsible for monitoring the emotional health of the relationship. Noticing tension. Bringing up disconnection. Initiating hard conversations before distance grows.
Dr. John Gottman’s research found that healthy relationships are stronger when partners accept influence from one another, especially when men remain open to their partner’s perspective during conflict and decision-making.
The healthiest relationships are not built on one person carrying the emotional labor alone. They’re built through shared responsibility, mutual respect, and small moments of turning toward each other every day.
Sign up for Marriage Minute for more research-backed relationship advice and tools: http://bit.ly/2qB8FAc

05/27/2026

“Fear” and “anxiety” get used interchangeably all the time, but Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman make an important distinction here.
Fear tends to be connected to something happening in the present moment.
Anxiety often shows up around anticipation, performance, uncertainty, or imagining future outcomes.
You can feel anxious even while sitting safely at home with nothing immediately wrong around you.
At the same time, anxiety is complex. Sometimes it can help alert us to something important, and other times it can feel exhausting and difficult to quiet, even when there’s no clear danger present.
What’s a situation where you realized you were feeling anxiety… not fear?

05/26/2026

Frustration.
That’s the word Julie uses here.
Because it’s hard to be patient when someone is struggling to express a need.
The words don’t come out right. It feels unclear. Maybe even repetitive.
But for someone who has had their needs turned down, ridiculed, or shut down, it makes sense that expressing them wouldn’t come easily.
That’s why this moment matters.
Instead of reacting to the frustration, she suggests something simple:
“Tell me the story of why you need this.”
That shift turns the conversation into an invitation. It makes it safer to share. And over time, that’s what builds trust.
Because when people feel understood, they’re more likely to open up again.
And often, what they’re trying to express goes beyond the situation in front of you.
There’s usually something deeper underneath it.
If you want to better understand how to uncover those deeper needs and beliefs, this explains it:
https://bit.ly/4vUbdVR

05/25/2026

Before you pop the bubbly, it helps to understand how you’ll actually show up for each other in daily life.
When things feel uneven. When stress is high. When expectations don’t line up.
These are the moments that shape a relationship, but they’re not always easy to talk through without guidance.
Our 52 Questions Before Marriage or Moving In card deck was created to help couples have more meaningful, structured conversations before taking that next step. Each prompt opens the door to understanding how your partner thinks, feels, and approaches life.
Over time, those conversations build trust, clarity, and a stronger foundation.
Explore the deck here: https://bit.ly/4tKOiul

05/24/2026

Connection doesn’t always look like a deep talk or a perfectly planned date night.
Sometimes it’s just what Dr. John and Dr. Julie are doing here.
Sitting next to each other, reading your own books, listening, throwing in a comment here and there. Maybe even nodding along to a physics explanation you absolutely did not follow. 😅
And somehow, it still feels good.
Because a lot of connection is built in quiet, ordinary moments like these. No pressure. No performance. Just being in the same space and choosing each other in small ways.
That’s what we mean by Small Things Often 💙
If you’re looking for simple ways to feel more connected, this is a good place to start.
Read more here: https://bit.ly/4sXAbks

The Gottman Institute

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