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The Gottman Institute A research-based approach to relationships.

10/12/2026

What happens when you stop wondering if there’s someone better out there?
In this never-before-seen Accepting Influence clip, Bryan Reeves and Dr. John Gottman talk about commitment, comparison, and choosing to go all in on the relationship you have.
Watch the full conversation at the link in the first comment.

10/10/2026

We all have bad days. But sometimes the person we love is going through something that’s more than a bad day.
On World Mental Health Day, Dr. Julie Gottman reminds couples to pay attention to those moments and lead with compassion instead of criticism.
You don’t have to know exactly what to say. Ask how they’re really doing. Listen to what’s going on in their world. Remind them you’re there. And if they need more support than you can give, help them find it.
Take a moment today to really check in with someone you love. 💙
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org to connect with the 988 Su***de & Crisis Lifeline.

When you’re frustrated with your partner, it can become much easier to notice what they’re doing wrong than what they’re...
10/09/2026

When you’re frustrated with your partner, it can become much easier to notice what they’re doing wrong than what they’re doing right.
The forgotten task stands out. The cup of coffee they made you doesn’t. The disagreement stays with you. The small moment of affection earlier that day somehow gets filed elsewhere.
This is why building a culture of appreciation is an important antidote to contempt.
It doesn’t mean ignoring problems or forcing yourself to feel grateful when you’re hurt. It means continuing to nurture fondness and respect while also making room for honest conversations about what needs to change.
You can appreciate your partner and still really, really wish they would stop leaving that cabinet open.
Both can be true.
This October, Love Notes is exploring the Four Horsemen and the research-based antidotes couples can reach for instead. Check the comments for the sign up link!

10/08/2026

When someone you love is hurting, it makes sense that your first instinct might be, “How can I fix this?”
But sometimes jumping straight to solutions can leave your partner feeling like what they really needed was missed.
Dr. Julie Gottman shares why empathy can be more helpful than immediately trying to solve the problem, and how simply being present can help your partner feel supported when they’re going through something hard.
We’re sharing a resource with more on listening with empathy in the comments.

Healthy relationships aren’t built by people who never get it wrong. They’re built by people willing to take responsibil...
10/07/2026

Healthy relationships aren’t built by people who never get it wrong. They’re built by people willing to take responsibility and repair when they do.
Sometimes that means saying, “I was wrong.” Sometimes it means accepting your partner’s repair without an “I told you so.”
Get more research-based relationship advice from The Gottman Institute delivered twice a week. Click the link in the comments to sign up for Marriage Minute.

10/06/2026

Have you ever gone quiet during an argument because you’re trying not to make things worse?
You may not even realize you’re stonewalling. Dr. Julie Gottman explains why this can happen when we’re flooded during conflict, and why taking an intentional break can help you come back to the conversation when you’re ready to reconnect.
We’re sharing more about stonewalling, flooding, and what to do next in the comments.

“We’ll talk about it later” has a way of becoming 10:47 p.m. when neither of you has the energy for a meaningful convers...
10/05/2026

“We’ll talk about it later” has a way of becoming 10:47 p.m. when neither of you has the energy for a meaningful conversation.
The Gottman State of the Union is a weekly relationship check-in designed to help couples stay connected, strengthen communication, and work through concerns before they build up.
Learn how to have one with your partner at the link in the comments.

Loving each other doesn’t mean you’ll always know how to reconnect after things go wrong.Sometimes it’s the same frustra...
10/04/2026

Loving each other doesn’t mean you’ll always know how to reconnect after things go wrong.
Sometimes it’s the same frustrating argument you’ve had dozens of times. Sometimes the disconnection is much bigger. Different ruptures may require different kinds of repair.
On October 15, join Dr. Cheryl Fraser live for Repairs and Renovations: How to Recover from Small and Big Disconnects, a practical webinar for couples exploring how to recover from disconnection, from annoying arguments to big betrayals.
Learn more and register at the link in the first comment.

10/03/2026

When both partners are overwhelmed, it can be easy to fall into the trap of comparing stress.
Who had the harder day? Who is more exhausted? Who needs the break more?
Julie Gottman shares how she and John learned to approach these moments differently. Instead of keeping score, they began thinking of their marriage like a teeter-totter. Sometimes one partner needs more support, and the other steps in. Then, when the balance shifts, they trade places.
This might look like taking over dinner, caring for the kids, or making space for your partner to exercise, connect with a friend, or simply have some time to themselves.
This kind of partnership also means paying attention to your own needs and communicating them. It doesn’t mean overlooking an ongoing imbalance or carrying more than your share indefinitely.
The balance may not always be equal in every moment. What matters is that both partners have opportunities to give and receive care.A teeter-totter only works if both people get a turn. ❤️ If one partner is consistently carrying the greater load without opportunities for rest or support, that’s not the balance Julie is describing here.

“You always…”“You never…”“Why are you so…?”A few words with a remarkable ability to make an already difficult conversati...
10/01/2026

“You always…”
“You never…”
“Why are you so…?”
A few words with a remarkable ability to make an already difficult conversation worse.
Criticism happens when a complaint about something specific turns into an attack on your partner’s character. And while you may have a very legitimate complaint, casting blame usually makes it harder for your partner to actually hear it.
The antidote is a softened start-up: talk about how you feel, name the specific situation, and say what you need.
You can still be annoyed. You can still bring up the dishes. You can even bring up the dishes for the 400th time. The goal is to address the problem without making your partner the problem.
This October, Love Notes is taking on all Four Horsemen and the research-backed antidotes that can help keep them from taking over your conflicts.
Sign up for Love Notes here: https://bit.ly/4g0CwVT

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