The Gottman Institute

The Gottman Institute A research-based approach to relationships.

When your partner starts venting about a stressful day, it can be tempting to jump straight into advice. You want to hel...
09/05/2026

When your partner starts venting about a stressful day, it can be tempting to jump straight into advice. You want to help!
But sometimes the most helpful thing you can do first is understand.
Gottman Stress-Reducing Conversations help couples talk about outside stress in a way that helps each partner feel heard and supported. The goal isn’t to never offer advice. It’s to understand what your partner needs before assuming.
Learn more in September’s free Love Notes, Managing Stress as a Team. Sign up at the link in the first comment.

09/03/2026

Okay, did anyone bring tissues to the 30th anniversary? 🥲
We asked a few friends, colleagues, therapists, and people who’ve been impacted by Dr. John and Dr. Julie’s work to help us celebrate 30 years of The Gottman Institute.
Then John and Julie watched the messages themselves and, well... we’re all handling it very professionally.
Thirty years is a lot of research, a lot of relationships, and a lot of people who helped make this work what it is today. As John and Julie said, they didn’t do it alone.
So we want to add your voice to the celebration, too. What has Gottman taught you about love, relationships, or being a better partner?
Leave your message for John and Julie below. We’d love for this comment section to become one very long anniversary card. 💙

30 years ago, The Gottman Institute began with decades of research behind it and one question still at the center of the...
09/02/2026

30 years ago, The Gottman Institute began with decades of research behind it and one question still at the center of the work: What makes love last?
Since then, that research has traveled a long way.
From the Love Lab to therapy rooms. From the first professional trainings to over 600 Certified Gottman Therapists and 50K Gottman-trained therapists around the world.
Along the way, ideas like turning toward, the Four Horsemen, Love Maps, repair attempts, and the 5:1 ratio became part of how millions of people understand their relationships.
This carousel is only a glimpse at how we got here.
To the couples who trusted the research, the professionals who brought it into their work, and everyone who has learned, shared, practiced, or grown alongside us: thank you for being part of these 30 years. 💙
And while we’re looking back today, we’ve also been thinking a lot about what comes next.
More on that soon.
What first brought you to Gottman?

09/01/2026

30 years ago, Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman founded The Gottman Institute with a goal: take decades of research on relationships and turn it into something people could actually use in their lives.
A lot has happened since then, but that goal hasn’t changed.
John hopes the research will one day be a little like Velcro: so useful and familiar that everyone knows how to use it, even if they don’t remember where it came from.
We also know we wouldn’t be celebrating 30 years without the people who have learned alongside us, trusted this work, brought it into their relationships and practices, shared it with others, and continued to show up here.
So this anniversary belongs to you, too. Thank you for being part of it.
We’re incredibly proud of the last 30 years. And as John put it, we plan to “celebrate the heck out of it.”
See how we’re celebrating, explore Gottman research and resources, and take a look at what’s ahead: https://bit.ly/4qInVEY

08/31/2026

A new episode of Accepting Influence is out, and this time, you’re the guest.
As we celebrate 30 years of The Gottman Institute, it felt fitting to hand the questions over to you. You sent John what you really wanted to know about relationships, conflict, communication, and everything in between.
Including: How do I stop myself from immediately getting defensive?
John’s advice starts with three words: delay, delay, delay.
Because the goal isn’t to never feel defensive. It’s learning how to slow down enough that defensiveness doesn’t take over the conversation.
John answered more of your questions in the full episode.
Watch the full episode at the link in the comments. 💙

Did you guess it before the reveal? 👀Sometimes the difference between a productive conversation and an argument about th...
08/30/2026

Did you guess it before the reveal? 👀
Sometimes the difference between a productive conversation and an argument about the argument starts with the first few words.
“You never…” tends to land a little differently than “I’m feeling…”
That’s the idea behind a Gentle Start-Up: bringing up what’s bothering you without blame or criticism, while still being clear about what you feel and need.
Because “gentle” doesn’t mean pretending you’re not annoyed. (You’re allowed.)
So, how quickly did you solve this one?
And tell us what Gottman concept you want us to translate into emojis next. We have several decades of research and approximately 3,700 emojis to work with.

08/29/2026

Sometimes the things your partner does most often become the easiest things to stop seeing.
The coffee they make. The errand they always handle. The small way they make your day a little easier.
Research by Robinson and Price found that unhappy couples missed 50% of the positivity their partners were actually doing.
John and Julie Gottman explain why one small shift can matter: look for what your partner is doing right, and let them know you noticed.
Watch the full clip for 3 things you can do for your relationship. Link in the comments.

You probably remember your first date. Your wedding. A favorite vacation. Maybe even the argument you wish you could for...
08/27/2026

You probably remember your first date. Your wedding. A favorite vacation. Maybe even the argument you wish you could forget.
But do you remember what happened three Tuesdays ago?
Probably not.
After 30 years of studying relationships, one thing we keep seeing is just how much the ordinary moments matter.
The check-ins. The affection. The questions. The moments you look up and really listen. They may not be the parts of a relationship we photograph, but they’re often the little pieces holding everything together.
For our upcoming 30th anniversary, we’re looking back at what’s changed in relationships, what hasn’t, and what relationship science keeps bringing us back to.
Read the full reflection at the link in the comments.

08/26/2026

Feeling safe in a relationship isn't only about what happens during conflict. It's also built through everyday moments of respect, care, and consideration.
In this video, Julie shares three simple ways to help your partner feel emotionally and physically safe, including how to respond with kindness when intimacy isn't on the table and how to find other ways to stay connected.
In the full video, she also explores relationship habits that strengthen friendship, deepen romance, build trust, and help couples navigate conflict more effectively.
See the comments below for the link!

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