10/28/2013
Coaching Tip of the Day: Get Free From People Pleasing!
So many people today are not living their dreams because they are too busy people pleasing. If you are a people pleaser, like I was, you will soon find out that by keeping the peace and pleasing others, you will personally pay a very high price. By pleasing others, you will find out it can cost you your health, finances, relationships, peace and most importantly your dreams.
I have found that in my own life, pleasing others, by doing what others think I should be doing, has cost me too much in life. It cost me in time, money, health, inner turmoil and my dreams. I unknowingly modeled my life after my mother who was a co-dependent victim. She had no self-esteem and displayed very little confidence.
She had dreams but never felt worthy enough to live them out. Her biggest dream was to have a united and loving family. This never happened because of the abuse she allowed to continue in her family. She always did what pleased my father because of her fear. She didn't do what pleased God which was to protect her children.
My dad was an abusive sociopath that used everyone in the family to satisfy his every fleshly desire and dreams. He could have been stopped if my mom confronted him about his destructive behavior and got him help.
Instead, she enabled him to continue being abusive by being fearful and passive. His abusiveness needed to be addressed so that he could begin to take personal responsibility for his destructive behavior.
Unfortunately,he was never stopped. My mother was afraid of my father and afraid to confront the truth about his abusiveness. As a result, she lived a life of isolation, shame and people pleasing, which in turn, only fueled my dads actions.She never lived out her dreams due to fear and people pleasing.
What does all of this have to do with you? Plenty! It shows us that we cannot let our people pleasing ways control us through fear. Being passive about allowing dysfunction to continue in relationships is irresponsible. People that are in relationships who are afraid to live out their dreams because they fear the other person won't support them is nothing but bo***ge.
Living a life of people pleasing is showing others and God that your life and dreams don't matter and that they are not worth fighting for. We are to be God pleasers and that means doing what God created us for, not doing what others want for us.
Jesus died to give us freedom. We have a responsibility to live in that freedom by becoming the person God designed us to be. Everyone came into this life" fully loaded" with dreams and incredible potential.You have everything inside of you to make your dreams a reality.
If you continually yield to the desires of others through people pleasing you will not only feel stuck and frustrated, but you will be denying the world of an incredible gift...YOU!
You have a responsibility to connect with God and His dreams for your life. A life outside of God's will is not a life worth living. Living a life of people pleasing is a life filled with pain. We have been delivered from the curse of pain.
God wants you to enjoy your life. Your happiness is not based upon fulfilling other peoples' dreams. It's great to help others but only AFTER we have our boundaries set and priorities in order.
So for today, try to get some alone time and ask yourself " How have I been denying myself and my dreams? How have I been putting the needs of others continually before me and how have been putting myself and my dreams last on the list?"
You might be surprised at your answers. You owe it to yourself and to God to pursue your God given dreams. Don't wait another precious minute focused on pleasing others. Find your value by pursuing your dreams. Take the time for yourself to dream again... before time takes your dream away!