Sonia Romano Coaching

I often hear my clients say, “My brain is broken,” or “My brain just doesn’t work right” or, “I have no control and keep doing the same things repeatedly and overreacting.”

Know that your unconscious self-limiting negative beliefs cause you to follow this path:

Negative beliefs ➡️ Negative feelings ➡️ Negative behaviors ➡️ Impact your environment/other people ➡️ Other people react to you ➡️ You experience their reaction through the lens of that negative belief ➡️ Negative feeling 

And around and around they go and the cycle continues 😵‍💫 It can make you feel out of control of yourself and your experiences.

When I work with couples, they often come in with lots of negative beliefs from childhood, both about themselves and their partner. They continue to look at the world through these lenses, beliefs, and wounds from childhood. 
These beliefs sound like: “They don’t even care about me,” “If they really loved me, they would _____,” “They never ______.”

When communicating with your partner, if you share your perspective starting with: “I feel like you...”, you’re sharing a thought rather than a feeling. You are launching into a story based on your own beliefs and opinions, which are not necessarily truth (you may truly believe it, but it doesn’t mean it’s the truth about them!)

To ensure that your beliefs and opinions are communicated more clearly to your partner and don’t obstruct your connection, try delivering these beliefs and opinions starting with: *“The story I tell myself is…..”*

Take ownership of the belief so it doesn’t feel like an insult or an attack on your partner which would inadvertently sabotage connection.

Become aware of and catch these old moldy beliefs and decide what you would prefer to believe instead—something along the lines of: “I have been hurt in the past, however, I am now an adult and there have been some people (even just 1 is enough) that have shown me care (evidence of the contrary). 

What would a new positive belief sound like to you? Let us know in the comments!

This may have worked well for your survival as a child, but not so much for you as an adult. Now it only keeps you in fear and disconnected. As an adult, your unconscious mind is misreading the possibility of another person leaving you as if your life depends on it. 

Instead of fear of abandonment in your relationships, what empowered beliefs would you prefer to have instead?

Now as an adult, you have all the power and possibility, so take your little inner child by the hand, hear them, and show them what is possible. Let the world hear your amazing voice—it’s the only one like it in the whole entire world. 

Do you find yourself struggling to make meaningful connections? It may be personalization standing in the way.

Ways that personalization can block connections include 1) Your focus being inward towards yourself and not enough on the relationship, 2) Having a negative belief about yourself that leads you to experience others through a lens shaped by that belief and not reality, or 3) You’re feeling triggered and reactive by a perceived comment/threat and are not present.

These mental states can keep us from making the connections we seek. 

                 

Be aware of and catch those negative and unhealthy beliefs—those beliefs will be hanging out with those negative feelings (lonely, sad, hopeless, shame, etc.).

Once you start finding and becoming more aware of these negative beliefs, begin to decide what you would prefer to feel and to believe instead.  

Just know that those negative thoughts may “seem” true (because they have taken up a lot of emotional and mental real estate for a good portion of your life), however, if they leave you feeling less than, they need to go.

Imagine that those thoughts are like weeds that need to be pulled out at the root and be replaced with healthy seeds (healthy/positive thoughts) to take root and grow in the garden of your mind.

                     

It’s trauma and the associated beliefs in your unconscious mind! Instead of feeling like life is just happening to you, know that you have the power to take back control of your life by calling out these stuck bits so that you can move in the direction of having the relationships and sense of connection you desire.

                     

Be aware of and catch those negative and unhealthy beliefs—those beliefs will be hanging out with those negative feelings (lonely, sad, hopeless, shame, etc.)!

Once you start finding and becoming more aware of these negative beliefs, begin to decide what you would prefer to feel and to believe instead.

Just know that those negative thoughts may “seem” true (because they have taken up a lot of emotional and mental real estate for a good portion of your life), however, if they leave you feeling less than, they need to go.

Imagine that those thoughts are like weeds that need to be pulled out at the root and be replaced with healthy seeds (healthy/positive thoughts) to take root and grow in the garden of your mind.

It’s trauma and the associated beliefs in your unconscious mind! Instead of feeling like life is just happening to you, know that you have the power to take back control of your life by calling out these stuck bits so that you can move in the direction of having the relationships and sense of connection you desire.