Lighten Up Parenting

Soooo true!

Validating our kids’ feelings doesn’t make them weaker — it helps them trust themselves. 💛

CALLING ALL PARENTS - Join me for 4 weeks and learn how to turn your most challenging parenting struggles into moments of connection.

Start Date: Tuesday June 3rd 6:30-8pm
4 Tuesday nights in June at The Circle Family in Aptos

Learn more & register here:
https://www.wellnessliving.com/rs/catalog-view.html

DESCRIPTION -
In this four week series, you will learn how to turn challenging moments into meaningful connection.
-Have concrete strategies to respond to challenging behavior with humor and warmth
-Set limits in a way that INCREASES connection
-Inspire your child to listen and cooperate willingly
-Feel confident in your ability to handle sibling challenges
-Bring more peace, joy, and ease into your parenting

The absolute best way to help our kids manage their BIG emotions is for us, their parents, to know how to manage our BIG emotions.

Emotions are healthy and normal and wanted. We do not want to stifle our kids from expressing a full range of feelings. Being angry and frustrated is part of being human. Screaming AT people, blaming, criticizing, throwing things in an unsafe way is obviously NOT a healthy expression of anger.

For better or worse, our children will imitate what we do and how we react or respond to life’s challenges and frustrations.

If you want children who can respond to big emotions in a healthy way, take a close look at how you respond to the hard things in your own life.

It starts with us first. So if you have a child or children who are disregulated more than you would like, consider how you are responding to them.

We can help to co-regulate their emotions just by being present and staying grounded, offering warmth & safety and not being scared off at their larger than life feelings. I know it can be daunting…

Personally, I think of it like a meditational practice. The muscle for staying calm & present in the face of an emotional storm takes practice. The muscle builds and it gets easier and easier over time. And in time, you will notice that your children start to mimic this way of responding. It often will not be immediate AND sometimes it is!

Patience and trust is key. Baby steps add up over months and years so not matter where you are at in your own emotional discovery, just start now. Our children give us plenty of opportunities to practice.

If it feels insurmountably hard to listen to your child’s/teens BIG feelings, just start with yourself and go slow.

❤️❤️❤️

We’ve been conditioned to believe that we have to meet everyone else’s needs before we meet our own.

And yes, I understand there are particular times & circumstances in which a baby, toddler or even an older kid can not be patient, without falling apart.

That said, for the most part, we CAN teach our children that we need to care for ourselves too.

I believe it’s one of the most valuable ways we can role model self respect and honoring our own self worth.

Instead of getting frustrated at our partner or child, just do what you need to do (within reason) and be a role model.

I’ve learned (the hard way) that fewer words are better than long explanations; not only with our children but our parenting partners too 😉

Showing them (doing) rather than telling them, has been most effective within my family.

If you are at home with your kids and your back or your head aches and you need to take a rest - DO IT. Even toddlers can understand and give you 5 minutes of peace. It may take time to teach them but each time you let them know you need some quiet time for yourself, you are planting a seed for them to understand and respect your needs too!

When my children were younger and I would feel SO depleted and exhausted at times, I would tell them I needed to lay down for a few minutes and I didn’t want to talk unless it felt like an emergency. I would also tell them they could lay next to me or give me a foot massage 🤣 And guess what, they would do it! Happily!

My point is, we give and give and give to our little ones, often ALL DAY LONG. It is unwise to think that other people are going to notice and give us what we need.

So as Ghandi says, BE THE CHANGE. Do it for yourself.

Start small while your children are learning that you too have needs. It won’t take long until they accept it AND it will make them feel good too. Over time they will notice that you feel better and have more bandwidth for them, after you put your feet up for a bit.

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s smart. It’s being a mature adult who realizes that you are not an endless giving machine. You have needs too.

I’d love to hear what you do for self care, whether your kids are around or not?

I love to lay down and read for a few minutes, or close my eyes, or lay in sun outside, if it’s nice out. It rejuvenates me and I am more refreshed to be the loving playful generous parent I aspire to be.

But I can’t be that way 24/7 so I must, and YOU MUST, make time for yourself.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

Drop a comment on what your favorite go-to self care activities are. Seriously, you work your butt off as a parent and you deserve it!

Come join me on Sunday morning at The Circle Family in Aptos for a lively talk on TEARS & TANTRUMS.

I truly understand just how challenging it can be when you are trying to get out the door, or get your child to brush their teeth or get dressed in the morning, or fall asleep or stay asleep…. the list goes on and on. I’ve been there and it takes SO MUCH ENERGY to meet these difficult moments with our children, especially when everyone’s emotions are running high 🤯

In this talk, you will finally have some answers and tangible tools on how to respond to our children’s BIG emotions in a way that brings you & your child more connection as well as increases cooperation. Come and learn, bring your questions and leave feeling more confident to meet these every day challenges. Share with anyone you think would appreciate this info ❤️

We really do need to choose our words wisely ❤️

For local Santa Cruz Parents! Please share with anyone you think would be interested! It's a fun, rich and nourishing class!