Argonaut

If you would like to deepen friendships, create new ones, or understand someone well, there is no more powerful combination than good listening and good questions. We’ve explored and continue to practice the skills of good listening, so this week at Argonaut we focused on the art of question asking.⁣
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Here are some of the questions we created:⁣
- If you could change one thing about reality, what would you change?⁣
- If you could wake up and have any one new skill, what would it be?⁣
- What's a side of you that most people don't see?⁣
- What's been the best year of your life so far?⁣
- If you could live in any time period, which would you choose?⁣
- Would you rather meet your past self or your future self?⁣
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These questions may be worth a try over the next meal or long car or bus ride you have with someone. As you hone your question-asking skills, enjoy the deeper connections that follow! ⁣
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Photo credit: Trung Thanh

You can see it in Star Wars, Hunger Games, Greek mythology and countless other tales. The same story of the hero is told again and again. First they reluctantly leave their normal life, before going on a series of thrilling and terrifying adventures that reveal their real powers. This pattern was labeled The Hero's Journey by scholar Joseph Campbell, who found evidence of it appearing across ages and cultures.⁣
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Recently at Argonaut, we’ve explored the concept of the Hero's Journey in our groups. How does this apply in our own lives? If we knew this pattern, knew that epic adventures involve both beautiful and difficult moments, would it help us? ⁣
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After all, there may be no more epic adventure than the transformation of adolescence. Perhaps that’s why the Hero’s Journey is so universal, as in many ways it describes the experience of puberty, dragging us reluctantly from childhood and into the exciting and scary world of adulthood.⁣
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If we saw ourselves as heroes on this kind of journey, it may help us accept struggle when it appears, even looking for the hidden gems within it. If we adults saw our children and students as heroes, particularly through the gauntlet of puberty, it opens us to empathy and appreciation. And while some of the journey is solo, we are strongest in the company of fellow heroes. ⁣
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Photo Credit: Vlad Bagacian

Guilt trips. “Gaslighting.” Sweet-talking. Emotional manipulation comes in many forms, and springs from many motives, from innocent persuasion at home to more concerning interactions online or elsewhere.⁣
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This week we took on the topic of manipulation, telling stories, looking at the types of manipulation, and wondering what we’re each most susceptible to. Some are ready to feel guilty at the drop of a hat; others know that a compliment is hard to resist. ⁣
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That awareness is a resource. We learned how to be more direct, for the times when we’re tempted to be manipulative. And we learned some ways to protect ourselves if others use these tactics on us. These are fundamental navigation skills, useful for the complicated social world that middle schoolers are entering.

This week at Argonaut we took a page from the show "MythBusters." We looked at a dozen common things people say about their emotions, and tried to figure out which were facts and which were myths. For example...⁣
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Does being emotional mean you're out of control? Myth. ⁣
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Is expressing emotion a sign of weakness? Myth.⁣
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Are emotions contagious? Actually, yes!⁣
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It prompted great conversation, and made for a good exercise in emotional literacy. There's a lot we know about our emotions, thanks to psychology and neuroscience. True, our emotional lives will always involve some mystery, but the more emotionally literate we become, the better we navigate these powerful currents.⁣
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Photo credit: Niklas Bischop

Our lives are like old treasure maps, full of mysterious markings. There’s the dragon lurking over there, an old weakness that can loom up on us. There are “X” markings around treasure we long for. And there are edges of the map beyond which we’ve never explored, but might wonder. ⁣
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This week in Argonaut, we began with this theme of treasure maps. We wondered about those edges of the map, the questions about our social lives, our skills, or our identity that might signal new territory ahead. We wondered, which skills are we growing into? Which dragons are we worried about? ⁣
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We even made our own treasure maps, labeling these mysterious spots with what they represent to us. It was playful but often surprisingly deep, as students shared questions and reflections, and often found others wondering the same things. ⁣
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We found the simple ingredients for a worthwhile adventure: mystery, companionship, and self-discovery. Adolescence is nothing if not one of life’s great adventures.

This week at Argonaut we dove into triggers, anger, and the big emotions that can sometimes swamp even the most serene person. ⁣
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The middle school years are full of intense emotions—in fact by some measures the ages of 11-14 are the peak emotional volatility of our whole lives. So the tools we have to manage these emotions really matter.⁣
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In our groups we shared stories of when emotions swamp us and how we respond. Then we looked over a list of emotional tools and each choose a new one to work on. For some it was a breathing technique, for others a plan to go outside or move their bodies when emotional storms are brewing. Some appreciated that a good distraction, like a great movie or book, can be what they need to let their emotions cool down.⁣
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Whatever it is for you, the aim is to normalize big emotions and to prepare for them. Big emotions are part of being human, but there are ways to make the process smoother. With a tool in mind, and a supportive group ready to listen, we all make it through these storms a little better.⁣
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Photo credit: Tengyart

Sometimes we linger too much in our comfort zone, taking it easy and never pushing ourselves. Other times we may face continual overwhelm and panic. Somewhere in between those two extremes is our zone of growth.⁣
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In our Argonaut groups this week, we explored which activities fit into each of three zones in our lives. First was the comfort zone, where we go to recharge. Second was the growth zone, where we take on tasks that are difficult, even slightly stressful, but also doable with effort. Third was the panic zone, where we end up lost and overwhelmed.⁣
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With this in mind, we could wonder about the patterns in our lives. Some students noticed they got stuck in the comfort zone, and could challenge themselves more. Others noticed how frequently they visited the panic zone, and got some reminders about using the other zones to recharge and find a state of flow.⁣
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It’s a good reminder that growth involves effort but does not require intense stress. What would it look like to put more energy toward those growth-zone challenges for you, those activities that push you without overwhelming you? ⁣
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Photo Credit: Samantha Sophia

This week at Argonaut we took on a topic that may at first seem puzzling: which rules are worth breaking? ⁣
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Middle schoolers pick up messages in our society and may interpret them as rules: like how a boy is supposed to act, or how tweens are. These assumptions are limiting, and can make it harder for them to discover their authentic identity and gifts.⁣
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So our conversations were about questioning the rules—or roles—that they pick up in the world. Not for the sake of breaking them necessarily, but to wonder which ones seem fair and which ones are really assumptions. Like: could a girl work in construction? Is it just impossible for parents to learn Minecraft? (kidding, but why not break that rule while we’re at it?).⁣
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One of the wonderful things about middle schoolers is that they’ve begun tuning into the adult world, but aren’t yet jaded. It’s an age of curiosity about themselves and others. The more open we are with them as adults, joining them in their questioning, the more likely they’ll discover their passions and their authentic voice in the world.⁣
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Photo credit: Calvin Ma

What if the popular kid cheats on a test? Is it ever right to join a physical fight? What if a friend swears you to secrecy about something that they should not be doing? This week at Argonaut we dove into ethical dilemmas.⁣
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There’s rarely a simple right answer here—the real goal is to build our muscles for ethical judgment. We explored how to hold multiple perspectives, see shades of gray, and game out what might happen a few decisions down the line.⁣
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A key here is learning how to be in the right frame of mind to make good ethical decisions. Research shows that by age 16, adolescents who are calm and undistracted make the same judgment calls as adults. The challenge is the calm and undistracted part. So it follows that the skills to center yourself really matter.⁣
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Adolescents who make bad or risky decisions usually aren’t lacking knowledge about what to do; they’re lacking the centeredness to access that knowledge. Food for thought and a reason to teach mindfulness and other ways to come back to a calm and clear mind.⁣
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Photo Credit: Ospan Ali

We’re surrounded by the “shoulds”, especially when it comes to our bodies. We think we should look a certain way to be beautiful, to be handsome, or to be liked. All too easily these “shoulds” lead us to feel badly about our bodies. ⁣
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This week at Argonaut, we examined the epidemic of body image issues in our culture, and among adolescents in particular. It’s so easy to get lost in comparing ourselves to others, whether real-life friends or photoshopped images from social media. ⁣
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Part of the solution is taking these issues and thoughts out of the shadows and talking about them honestly. We talked about ways to praise our bodies instead of compare. We talked about beauty standards and how fickle they are over time. We spoke about eating disorders, and how to look for warning signs in ourselves or others. ⁣
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There’s no easy solution, but with honest conversations we can find connection even—or especially—in our difficulties. One person against the world and all its “shoulds” is a dicey proposition; better a group with honesty, determination and care for each other. ⁣
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Photo credit: Alexander Krivitskiy via Unsplash

This week at Argonaut we explored an area that is central to how all of us connect, but often missing from how we think about connection: nonverbal communication. ⁣
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We also talked about some of the research on gestures, drawn from Annie Murphy Paul’s fantastic book The Extended Mind, which argues that we use gestures not just to express ourselves but actually to think. ⁣
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So if gestures and body language are so essential to both thinking and communication, how can we best use them? We explored cultural differences with gestures, and how we each have picked up different ways of nonverbal expression. We wondered how we could apply this with friends or family or in our groups, for example to show connection and empathy without interrupting someone.⁣
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Our bodies transmit so much information about our thoughts, feelings, and relationships. The more we’re aware of it, the more we can tap into nonverbal communication to make sense of the social world and strengthen our own relationships.⁣

Our middle school Argonaut groups have been full for several months now, so we're adding a new group starting in January! It will meet on Mondays and Wednesdays at 4pm Pacific time, and is open to students in 6th-8th grades anywhere in the world. Learn more at www.argonaut.school or by clicking the link in the bio.