08/09/2018
***PART 1***
I am in a mastermind group that is challenging me to come out to the world with my natural gifts and teachings. Sounds nice, but it seems I’ll have to slay my biggest demons in order to do it. I haven’t felt so low in a LONG TIME.
One assignment was to put out two pieces of content for the world to see. And this is the first time I’ve been challenged by a coach with something that DOES feels in alignment, but that I’ve REFUSED myself over and over. I’m already two weeks late.
I just wouldn’t do it. I would always distract myself with other things and allow my mind to spiral downward by not following what calls me. I made several pieces of content and never put it out. It didn’t seem right to try to give something of value while I’ve been feeling like absolute crap about myself.
Now finally, tired and nervous, hours from meeting one of my hero coaches and mastermind group for the first time in Phoenix, I chose to explore on IG LIVE (there was NO way I was going to do anything if I allowed myself to plan, record, or prepare). What might these demons be that prevent me from doing what I have always longed to do—to be of value in the world, and to genuinely connect with all of you.
Here are a few:
1) I found out that building a successful business based on the platinum standard—word of mouth ONLY, without an online presence, was possible and fun for me, and fun to teach. I still believe these skills are invaluable, but I realized I also have been hiding behind it. A clever way to not have to be seen, not have to be heard, and not have to SAY WHAT I SEE.
2) I wouldn’t be able to fully self-Express without coming out as neurodivergent—HSP/HSS, (whatever labels you want to assign those like me) in a world that greatly misunderstands, and has even punished those like me who chose to reveal themselves.
3) Because of #2, I am meant to shake s**t up to create a new-improved reality. And I can’t help it. And I’m not sure I can follow in the dangerous footsteps of people like that, who’ve come before me. “...oftentimes those with the mover and shaker energy cross the boundaries of institutional authority, either inadvertently or deliberately.”
4) A big reason why I am so effective is because I work regardless of the greater, sometimes louder and more convincing opinion of others. I love studying and understanding the dark side of being human as well as the incredible means to transcend it. I’m not always a ray of sunshine, that’s for sure. And since I do this for a living, I don’t want to mess with the integrity of my work and experiments by putting myself in a position to begin giving a f**k what you all think, because my means of living is partly attached to the way I am received.
I respect and love you more than you know, and I also don’t give a s**t what you think most of the time.
5) Depending on where you’re at, you’ll either hear me or fear me, and sometimes, it hurts too much when it’s the latter.
What are your demons that guard you from choosing to evolve?
