Joshua S Joseph

It’s been a while since I posted. Sharing online has always felt scary for me - a struggle - but it’s become even harder.

It’s been quite a year. I lost someone I loved deeply. And then I started a master’s program in psychology, training to become a licensed therapist.

There’s been tremendous grief— grief that transformed me (on top of the transformation I went through in that relationship). And school has taught me, grown me, but also put me in environments where my voice hasn’t always felt welcome.

Still, I’ve been thinking and evolving more than ever, in many ways - around relationships, growth, masculinity, societal change, religion, presence, fatherhood, and so much more.

And I want to start sharing again. Not because I have any answers, but because I’m committed to walking with integrity and authenticity. And because I believe in showing up. Even when it’s scary.

S**t - especially when it’s scary.

So here I am. Heart racing but full. Starting again.

Happy Passover, Chag Sameach everyone. As I bask in the love and connection from my Seder with some of my favorite beautiful humans last night, I thought I’d share the words with which I ended the evening:

In every generation, everyone is obligated to see themselves as though they personally were liberated from Egypt.

The seder is never really done. Narrow places, as the Hebrew term for Egypt is translated, are every day. For some, this is a social and physical reality, one which we should continually fight to change. And then for everyone, these narrow places are our internal struggles, our internal pharaohs that hold us back from our potential, and from truly feeling free.

So with this interpretation and context: How do we move from narrow places to wide, open places? How do we move from fear and scarcity, to courage and abundance? And not just for ourselves… this isn’t a purely selfish pursuit. I believe that it is how we can best serve our loved ones, and the world.

At the end of every seder, there is a song we always sing and repeat again and again:
‎לְשָנָה הַבָאָה בִירושַָלָיִם
Next Year in Jerusalem!

It never really resonated with me, because it felt insincere. I never spent a Passover in Jerusalem, despite the opportunities, and singing that song every year.

But then I learned that “Jerusalem,” or as it’s called in Hebrew, Yerushalayim, actually means “City of Peace and Wholeness.”

And so many times in our lives, we slip into exile from peace and wholeness. We forget, and lose touch with, the peace and wholeness within and around us. So yes: next year in Yerushalayim. May we work to find ourselves next Passover celebrating in a place of greater peace and wholeness… no matter the starting point, or the challenges along the way.

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Last year, being faced with hosting my first big seder, and finding every Haggadah different than how I use and wanted to share Passover ritual, I decided to write my own.

In it, I curated my approach to Judaism/ritual/passover, striving for relevant meaning and connection using old rituals.

As my approach is often different, yet so meaningful for me (and my children), I decided that in addition to using it again this year, I'd share it with anyone out there looking to instill some Passover meaning into their next couple of evenings.

And if you do actually want to use the Haggadah, I'm happy to share the version with my words in it (the "Words from JJ" cues throughout the Haggadah where I jump in as host). Just DM me. :)

Happy Passover, Chag Sameach, to everyone.

Joseph Fam 2023 Passover Haggadah (Social) Our abridged Passover Haggadah for 2023. Feel free to email me [email protected] or DM if you want the version with photos and notes for your own seder use! Happy to share my functional interpretation of these meaningful rituals!

The Chakras and the Sefirot: Relationship and Lessons

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Sefirot:
In Kabbalah (mystical Judaism), God is “Ayn Sof”, meaning infinite, endless, limitless; inseparably one. At the same time, this Ayn Sof is said to emanate in 10 different ways, which are called “sefirot”. These are characteristics, or stages of creation, and crucially are also mapped onto our human experience (since we are created in the image of God, and part of the infinite God).

Thereby, though divine, sefirot present many compelling ways of thinking about our human experience.

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Chakras:
In Hindu/Yogic philosophy, the chakras are the seven primary energy centers in our body. Though they correspond to areas along the spine, chakras exist in our subtle (non-physical) bodies, and each one maps onto specific ways energy (prana) flows through us, influencing our existence.

Chakras, and specifically their balance, are said to have a strong effect on our wellbeing and daily experience.

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What’s this:
I’m a student of both Kabbalah and Yoga, and each system has informed and expanded the ways that I think about, and use, the other in my practice. This is me sharing a little about how.

Chakras have played a fundamental role in how I think about meditation and yoga and my own energy. Sefirot don’t have the same robust system of practice, being more on the contemplative side, but therein they also have shifted my perspectives. And as I’ve studied both of them, I’ve found the overlap between the two systems compelling.

After all, once we get past the words (God, Ayn Sof, Brahman, Prana, etc etc), we’re all made up of the same ‘stuff’.

The list below lays out the 10 sefirot and the 7 chakras, and explores some of the ways I perceive the two systems overlapping, and, crucially, “speaking” to one another. It’s far from perfect or thorough, but is meant to be more about meaning/utility/practice than anything academic.

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A note on direction:
Both Sefirot and Chakras flow any and every direction, and even a linear concept is limiting. But in this exploration I decided to present the two systems from a “top down”, or “subtle to gross”, direction.

My reason is that when I think about the divine (or ineffable) manifesting in our lives, it’s in that higher-to-lower direction. (Albeit then back again… not to overcomplicate (yet), but this direction also has a better “payoff” at the end in terms of day-to-day practice and usefulness…)

And I use the chakras for the numbering, since some chakras correspond (in my model) to two sefirot.

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Let’s do it

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7th
Sefirah: Keter / Crown
Chakra: Sahastrara / Crown

Keter is nothing. It’s an initial arousal of a desire for something, but still empty. It’s incomprehensible, apart from anything we’d call existence.

Even though Keter is empty, it’s also said it’s pure compassion since it’s welcoming of everything in its emptiness.

Sahastrara is higher consciousness, divine energy. It is the absolute, before anything relative - including the other chakras.

I love that both sit apart from us. Just as the physical crown is above the head, the crown chakra is said to sit an inch or two above the top of the head. (For this reason, some Kabbalalistic systems exclude Keter, while some Ta***ic chakra systems exclude the Sahastrara - the crown is above.)

They are not connected to us, even though they can be core to perceiving something greater, a connection to both the divine, and crucially, to other people.

6th
Sefirot: Chochmah and Binah / Wisdom and Intuitive Understanding
Chakra: Ajna / Third-Eye

Chochmah and Binah represent the beginning of existence, something created from nothing. First comes the seed of wisdom (Chochmah), followed by the contemplation or perceptible formation of that wisdom (Binah). The two sefirot are inseparable in that, since there is no understanding without inspiration. The path is transcendence, turning to tangibility.

Ajna is the third eye: intuition, wisdom, and insight. It is also the energy center of both our rational and irrational minds. While it’s where we can connect with the divine, it’s also associated with awareness and intellect.

Both are about our connection to the divine, tangibly and intangibly. They are where that which is greater than us reaches us.

When learning kabbalah, I really appreciated the two-stage approach: starting with the intangible seed of something ineffable (Chochmah) before anything can be grasped. This aspect is usually my focus in Ajna meditation, in fact - when I meditate on the third eye I veer towards the pre-verbal, pre-conceptual.

But there is also a benefit to the intangible, experientially, when we take the next step in contemplating it - and this requires another step “down”, towards language and rational mind (Binah).

(Note that in some kabbalistic systems, “Da’at”, or knowledge, exists one level down here - which for me doesn’t fit, because I view knowledge as external. At the same time, Da’at illustrates that Chochmah and Binah are higher than that “very tangible” intellectual/knowledge level, making them, to me, correspond to the third eye.)

5th
Sefirot: Chesed and Gevurah / Love and Power
Chakra: Vishuddha / Throat

I love this lesson in Kabbalah: Chesed and Gevurah (Love and Power, or Grace and Judgment, or openheartedness and obedience) are necessarily linked, because each needs the other. Too much love becomes limiting to the loved one, and needs to be tempered by discipline (as every parent knows). And judgment without love is evil.

In any event, Chesed and Gevurah are how the previous internal sefirot get shared into the world. We have our contemplation and creation of wisdom, which then get manifested and shared in our experience with others.

The Vishuddha is similar, in that the throat chakra is the locus of our communication. It is the energy center around how we communicate and express ourselves to the world.

The challenge expressed in both systems is in how we share our minds with the world. What words and feelings do we share? How much truth and authenticity is in our expression? How much love, or judgment, is there when our bodies give rise to what is happening inwardly?

If the throat chakra is too closed, we are timid and fearful to express ourselves authentically; if it is too open we may be too transparent, critical, or loose in our communication. Thinking about this in terms of the sefirot, I think there is a delicate balance of self-contraction so that our discernment/judgment don’t overly inhibit our communication of love, while overly contracting will indeed prevent us from the vulnerability we need in communicating love.

(This is one chakra where directionality plays an explicit role, but also where Kabbalah has changed my viewpoint therein. With the classic 1 through 7 chakras, the throat chakra (the 5th chakra) governs how the heart (the 4th chakra) is communicated. And crucially so - I still usually meditate/contemplate the heart chakra relative to how that energy is shared. In other words, meditating on speaking from a place of love. However, I think there is also tremendous value in thinking about how wisdom in addition to love is communicated, and that pure love outwardly can be problematic.)

4th
Sefirah: Tiferet / Compassion
Chakra: Anahata / Heart

Tiferet is where Love and Power are synthesized and integrated, and is also known as the sefirah of beauty and harmony. Love is sufficiently tempered and thereby considers the other, not just our selves.

The Anahata chakra is the seat of giving and receiving love, and of feeling compassion and trust.

Crucially, this chakra sits at the center and is the bridge between the lower 3 (material) chakras, and the higher 3 (spiritual) chakras. This lesson, when applied to Kabbalah, illustrates the crucial role compassion and harmony have in balancing the lower and higher realms in our lives.

It’s also said that the Anahata is closed by logic, rationality, doubt, and philosophy. Too much contemplation and tempering of love holds us back. For me, this is a key point in my practice, in that compassion and love for others is empowered by being detached from rational discernment of them. Thereby, we can hold compassion for, and see beauty in, every human being.

3rd
Sefirot: Netzach and Hod / Victory and Splendor
Chakra: Manipura / Solar Plexus

We hit a turning point in both systems here. In the sefirot, once we descend beneath Tiferet we arrive at what humans do with the divine, as opposed to what the divine bestows onto humans. In the chakras, the bottom three are material focused, about our human worldly interaction side as opposed to higher, subtle energies.

But in Kabbalah part of the move down is a result of the higher sefirah of Tiferet. Tiferet, or compassion arising from our balancing of love, yields Netzach, or Triumph/Victory. We feel good with what we’ve accomplished, integrating the sides of ourselves into harmony - and we celebrate our greatness.

This is balanced by Hod, on the other hand, which is connected to gratitude, and submission therein. Seeing the splendor of the world leads us to be grateful for what we’ve been given, and to those who helped us arrive there. We rejoice in the mystery.

The Manipura chakra is about confidence. It is where we digest what the world gives us, turning it into energy and action and manifestation. It is very much about doing and accomplishing in the world.

When out of balance in one direction, this solar plexus chakra can lead to envy, anger, violence - all the ways that the desire for power can turn toxic in the world. Being out of balance in the other direction leads to meekness, shame, and unnecessary submission.

In the sefirot these two polarities are separated, but the end result I believe is the same. We should be channeling our higher natures to change the world, with confidence and zeal, but we need balance to prevent our efforts from getting caught in arrogance and ego. The interplay between the two sefirot, or between the two polarities of the Manipura, (in addition to how they interface with the love above), have arguably the greatest effect on how we show up in the world and work with those around us.

2nd
Sefirah: Yesod / Foundation
Chakra: Swadhisthana / Sacral

In Yesod, our Glory and our Submission are balanced. Additionally, it is here that all of the sefirot’s forces are gathered before being transmitted to the “real” world. The Foundation is about growth and maturity, and therein drives communication, connection, and creation in the world.

The Swadhisthana is the seat of our emotional intelligence, and our core creativity. It’s about how we relate to our emotions and those of others. Moving down from the solar plexus chakra, the sacral chakra is tangible creation and interaction. Moving up, as the step above the root chakra, this is where our animal instincts start to interplay with others.

Both the sefirah and the chakra are about personal development and creation, which can go awry if we don’t channel these energies into/from the higher spiritual realms. In other words: from which direction do we create?

Both of these are also highly s*xual, and about s*xual creation. In each system, moving upwards, this is where s*xual desire and creation turns outward - from the material and selfish reality of procreation to one of connection. But, as especially illustrated in the chakra system (which has influenced the way I consider the s*xuality of the sefirot), if s*x remains at this level, one misses the subtle, spiritual, transcendent opportunities that s*xual connection can provide.

1st
Sefirah: Shekhinah / Presence
Chakra: Muladhara / Root

The Shekhinah is the divine feminine, the source of life on earth, and the presence of God in the world. It is the realm of the physical world.

The Muladhara is the chakra of physical needs and survival. It’s about feeling grounded and safe in the world, and preserving ourselves.

Any primal instinct can be done from a place of the Muladhara. The previous example mentioned s*x, which if done from the Root chakra, is done for our own genetic survival. Eating is another great example: we can eat from a place of simple bodily survival.

But in Kabbalah, the Shekhinah is explicitly not non-spiritual. Without the Shekhinah, all of the upper realms wouldn’t manifest to existence. There is in fact a constant flow of energy between the Keter/Crown Sefirah and the Shekhinah, top to bottom, feeding our daily experience with divine presence - should we choose to see it.

In this way, the Shekhinah animates how I consider the Muladhara. If we choose to see it, every primal urge and physical need can be bestowed with the divine (this is the core of Hindu Ta**ra: every action, no matter how mundane, is a spiritual opportunity).

We can choose to place the divine in every bite of food, elevating our experience to the profound. Every breath and every step can be transcendent. Every s*x act can be divine.

I see this as one of our primary tasks as humans living on this material plane: bringing the energy of the highest realms down to the lowest.

I believe that the real job of prayer, ritual, and practice are about this effort exactly - since bringing the higher and lower realms together completely alters the way we experience life.

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I spent the vast majority of my life thinking that I was a being constantly in motion - ever learning, adjusting, adapting, conditioning.

Now I know better. Now I realize that yes I am that, but I am also simultaneously a deeper, ever steady, unmoving awareness.

And depending on my level of awareness in any moment, I can tap into that, even while the inertia of life says "adjust to the circumstances!"

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I have to say, it's tricky, because people's reaction to that (steady) side of me triggers the other (adaptive) side of me to want to take over. As I increasingly tap into my depth that doesn't worry about repercussion, I'm often faced with the other person responding with angst, or pushing me away -- which inevitably leads to the adaptable side of me trying to take over. After all, that's the side that has treated me "well" for so long, making me successfully adjust based on people's desires of me, despite myself.

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So with ever increasing effort on the side of one, I am ever working on reflecting the beauty that is tapping into the deeper, still self. I am trying to hold that, to let that side flourish, especially when things, decisions, and people become challenging - or want something else.

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Why I no longer celebrate the Jewish holiday of Purim

Purim is fun. It’s the Jewish holiday where everyone dresses up (think Halloween/Mardi Gras), recounts the story of Purim (while boo’ing the villain Persian Haman, and cheering the great Jew Mordechai), and gets wasted (to the extent of being “obligated to drink on Purim until he does not know the difference between ‘cursed be Haman’ and ‘blessed be Mordechai.’”)

The Purim story is one about a country turning against the Jews living there, and the Jews’ redemption therein. The king, through his official Haman, decree to kill off all the Jews in the region. And yet the king happens to be married to a Jew, Queen Esther, who stands up for her people to save them.

Okay here’s what I love about Purim: that narrative, and it’s the only Hebrew Bible story that doesn’t mention God. Such a beautiful thing, and wonderful progression, where the Jews are under attack and yet God isn’t there to save them. No prayer, no deus ex machina - it takes the humans to do their work to survive. No more floods, or burning bushes, or plagues, or seas splitting… just people.

Such a wonderful tzimtzum (don’t know? I’ll explain another time, happily) narrative about the absence of God creating the human imperative to save ourselves. Lovely.

But then… the Jews win… and they decide to use the opportunity as revenge.

They start by slaughtering 500 people in the king’s district. (This even while many locals falsely declare they’re Jews… which feels uncannily like an inverse Inquisition, et al).

Then they impale all 10 of Haman’s sons.
This - always makes me feel dirty around the boo’ing of Haman. Sure, he was a terrible human, but as my daughter said, in light of his evilness coming to light: “Couldn’t they have learned from their father’s mistakes?”

God bless.
Yes. Yes they can.

(Quick Torah reflection herein: in Exodus it’s said God punishes sins upon the third and fourth generations to come. But, in Ezekiel, God states: “this proverb shall no more be used by you in Israel; Know that all lives are mine; the life of the parent as well as the life of the child is mine: it is only the person who sins that shall die.”)

And also: continuous revelation, modern sensibilities, f that.

Okay but then the Purim story continues. The Jews of the land end up slaughtering 75,000 people who apparently sought to kill them.
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On one side: self-defense. Or perhaps revenge.

But: the Jews were no longer in threat, due to the King’s decree therein.

And, revenge? This is where my rejection comes in wholeheartedly.

I firmly believe that the call of the Jews it to be the light unto nations, and part of the responsibility therein is to not fall folly to the same emotional (and violent) outrage the befalls others. Let me take that further: I think our responsibility is modeling a holiness, and reaction therein, that doesn’t fall prey to the same evil impulses as others — even the others that turn against us.

Let’s go modern/direct: should we feel celebration should we have been able to murder countless Nazi/Germans as retaliation for the Holocaust? (And perhaps their children, as well, a la Purim)

My answer: absolutely f’ing not. It’s another conversation altogether, but where Jewish wisdom leads me is to consider the subjectivity AND the divinity in each of those misguided humans to be able to land at a point of compassion, or maybe just acceptance, of them.

And compassion/acceptance does not, obviously, lead to slaughter.

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So the conclusion of Purim leading to the slaughter of 75,510 (+/-) people: nope. I’m not okay with, let alone celebrating, that.

And yet I’ll read the story every year. And I’ll eat Haman’s hat.

But I’ll use it as a way to reflect on the need to be better.

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Because here’s the hard and painful twist to my favorite aspect of Purim above: it is ALL ABOUTE when God isn’t there, and we’re left to our own devices, when we are able to make our own (possible terrible) decisions.

I’d love for God’s absence to yield human goodness. But in Purim, it leads to slaughter.

And I’d argue, God’s absence today has led to many terrible actions in the name of a Jewish People.

So, my new take: perhaps the Purim story is a warning: where God is absent, yes let’s make sure to preserve ourselves.

But let’s also be damn sure that our preservation is not turned against others in a way that’s contrary to our true, and transcendent, values.

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I think of things in cycles - from seasons to breathing to stars to challenges to the moon to birth and death, everything seems to exist in cycles.

One subtle cycle is how we open and close, oscillating between expansion/outwardness and contraction/inwardness (varying by individual, obviously).

Another related subtle cycle I think about is direction of growth. There is outward, upward growth, moving deeper into the world; and there is inward, downward growth, moving deeper into our selves, and into the ground.

Traditionally we think of moving lower, downward as a bad thing - but I think of trees: the growth downward into the ground is what sustains and allows for the growth upward. A tree that’s all branches and leaves, and no roots, will quickly topple.

“On the Seventh Day… God Rested… and blessed the seventh day and declared it holy”. The outward, to the inward - and it was holy. Is holy.

And, well, those of you who know me know I’m a fairly private person, generally opting to connect deeply with a few people. My writing (books, short pieces, etc) is somewhere in between, but clearly the social media efforts were outward oriented. And it was/is difficult for me. It was/is a lot of learning and trying (especially the videos!), and the social media orientation of likes and followers, and even harder the criticism and negative feedback I got from some people, was definitely challenging - even as it was great fodder for growth.

And at a certain point, I realized I had to move inward/downward to support the upward/outward. Needed to work on the roots… I had to return to deep connections with people which root and support me, and feel the connection as opposed to the one-directional nature of videos and writing.

And to be honest, I don’t know where I am in that cycle, at the moment. I just know I had to cycle to the downward. So maybe I’ll be posting more, maybe I won’t (there’s been a lot of work in the meantime), though I suspect the taste of it may be a little different… we’ll see.

And hell, if you haven’t seen me irl and miss me, let’s hang out sometime…. Where ya been? That’s where I’ve been.

Shabbat shalom. :)

Notice this guy today….
And here’s to all of us just trying to grab as much sunlight for our budding flowers, especially when it’s a little tricky to get there.

We each have the deep desire to feel loved... we have wells within us that yearn to be filled with love.

And those wells can indeed be filled with the love of another. But, the less we fill ourselves with our own love, the more demanding, needy, and dire the love of the other will be to us.

When we try to have something, it exists outside of ourselves, and is meant to serve ourselves.

This has two effects:
1. It creates a separation between us and the thing (ie pleasure, or love), which keeps it at bay, keeps us from truly experiencing it.

2. It creates a separation between ourselves and the other (ie the person giving pleasure or love). This makes it an exchange, 2 people vying for a self-serving feeling.

So instead, try to BE PLEASURE, and BE LOVE.

Then it becomes you, is you - and therefore you will both feel it more, while providing it to others at the same time (which, incidentally, gives more fulfillment than feeling it alone).

Anything you, want really: BE that thing. BE JOY. You'll be surprised...
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At their essence, inflection points are a detachment from what is; they are a withdrawal from the status quo. Therefore, they are like a death, killing off our former selves.

And yet, my most significant inflection points are from the times that I withdrew from what was.

Because: withdrawal is also creation.

The withdrawal from certain habits and people allows us to reestablish ourselves, to create a life actively. An essential, authentic life.

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*If you're at a point that you believe a change would serve you but are held back by fear or inertia;
*Or if you are undergoing a change that is forced upon you;
*And you want assistance or guidance along that path - check out my website (link in bio), and schedule a free consultation.
J