Cognition SF

Parents of 1st-2nd graders:

No, it is not your imagination. 7-year-olds are kind of…well…teenagers, but with less life experience, development, and maturity. Yes, this includes power plays, relational aggression, and many genuinely wonderful things as well — and the best thing we as parents can do is know that it’s totally normal.

(Not that we ignore it! We help the best versions of themselves as they navigate through it, but we can give our children and other people’s children grace as they do so.)

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Each of the animals has a different reaction to danger -- we can analogize this perfectly to the way that different people react to the same stressor.

For one kid, they might retreat into themselves when they're too stressed. In a school context, for example, this might look like shutdown quietly at their desk. The teacher tells the class to do something, and it's too high-level for them or they didn't understand the instructions, so instead they sit quietly and still and frozen until time is up.

The teacher may or may not even notice, until it comes time to turn in their work. Then they haven't done any of it, the teacher is mad, the child's relationship with the teacher continues to be broken, and the stress cycle continues.

For another kid, they might explode outward when they're too stressed. In that same context, given directions that are too high-level and too overwhelming, they might get "aggressive", shove the paper off their desk and announce "This is stupid!" They probably get more immediate attention than the quiet one, but that attention might not be anything helpful. They might not be recognized as struggling. They might just get punished or sent out of the classroom.

Relationship continues to be broken...stress cycle continues.

A third child in the same scenario might get distractible and start drawing on the assignment instead of completing it. A fourth child might ask a neighbor what it is they're supposed to be doing. A fifth child might know the "proper" way to self-advocate and raise their hand and ask for help.

And that fifth child might be the only one who actually gets the support they need. But all of the children were asking for support, in the way that made the most sense to their body.

We just have to learn how to see it.

[Image description:
A cartoon by Liz Climo. In the first panel, the crocodile is yelling, "Danger!" at a red panda, a turtle, and a hedgehog.
In the second panel, the red panda has done its startle response of raising its arms up above its head; the turtle has gone into its shell; and the hedgehog has curled up in a little ball.
The crocodile is saying, "Very good, class!" as all of their students have reacted correctly to danger, despite all reacting differently!
End description.]

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Marvel's Simu Liu dedicates 'sensory room' at Chase Center Now, there's the Simu Liu Sensory Room at Chase Center to provide a quiet space for guests who might feel overwhelmed or overstimulated. Here's what's included in the space.

I Thought My Daughter Was Defiant, It Turns Out She Has Slow Processing Speed

Yes!! Thanks to Longworth Education💚

I know it might feel impossible, but as much as you possibly can reduce demands during the back-to-school weeks, everything will go so much easier and smoother and better and more connected.

If you're looking for permission, this is me, your friendly neighborhood professional, giving you permission.

Whatever for dinner? Sure. Sleep in your school clothes? Why not. Skip bath, skip brushing teeth, skip brushing hair? They'll be fine. Their brains are exploding with all the new things they're having to handle. Haven't you ever felt like if you had to talk to *one more person* or handle *one more demand* then you were gonna blow up and scream at somebody or burst into tears or crawl into bed for three hours?

Don't extrapolate from this time period out to their whole lives or even to the whole year or the whole month. Don't do it! Everything is exploding right now and soon it will stop exploding. Their brain will learn, or remember, how to handle this high of a level of demand. They will adjust. They will get past it and so will you. Right now, throw grace around like it's confetti. Hang in there. You got this.