Parent Coaching by Dahlia

Don’t forget about you this holiday season!!!! Find what Re- Energizes you and make time to do it!!! Read, drink coffee, take a bath, go for a walk, go shopping, nap or talk to a friend!!! Taking time for yourself will allow you to have more energy for your kids!

Focus your parenting on what you do WITH your children, rather than what you do FOR them!
Have a great weekend!

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice!

"Patience is the art of concealing your impatience." Guy Kawasaki

Let's all try and be mindful of this art, and work on our patience toward our children. It can only benefit both of you!

Parenting and Electronics: How to Manage Screen Time

Parents,

Who would have ever thought 2021 would roll in and we would still be dealing with this pandemic? Even though there is so much happening in the world around us, we cannot lose sight of the beauty within our families and homes. Parenting during a Covid world has certainly presented new challenges and we may second guess our parenting decisions due to many new norms. In talking to many parents, I hear them describing their home situations using words like, frustrating, challenging, arguing, we’ve lost our discipline, etc... If parents feel this way, you can only imagine the frustrations your children are feeling right now. During this pandemic most parental stress in the home stems from the imbalance and lack of proper structure and rules. On top of this, they are growing up in unprecedented times, and our role as a parent is to keep life as grounded as possible. Our children are bombarded with information from social media, the news, and what they hear from their peers. We need to keep our focus on what really matters: Personal connections. We gain fulfillment by seeing our children thrive. We can make simple changes that result in big rewards!


Bringing peace and balance back in the home.

Isn’t it ironic that our families are stuck at home together, yet everyone is divided in their own virtual worlds? Screens and electronics are the main contributors to this family dilemma. This holds true for both parents and children. Throughout the day, parents are working on their computers, responding to emails, texts, social media, work calls or reading up on the latest blog while kids are gaming, video chatting and, of course, spending time on social media. Parents are well aware of the problem but struggle to implement changes that can create more structure and balance in the home.

Have you noticed that when your child plays on electronics for an extended period of time they are often moody when they get off? I’m sure you have all noticed that when your child is mesmerized by electronics, they are extremely happy and out of touch with reality. Electronic devices are overstimulating to a child's brain and require hyperfocus, especially with extended periods of use. This overstimulation of the nervous system causes disruptions in chemical and hormone function. The minute kids get off the screens they become irritable, moody and aggressive. The explanation for their strange behavior is the drastic drop in dopamine.

There are many solutions parents can implement in order to create a more balanced environment for the whole family, but I would start by writing a clear contract that sets proper expectations. It is crucial to have your expectations around screens very clear and in writing, since kids are masters at claiming they misunderstood the rules. This eliminates any confusion and states exactly how long they can be on each device, between what hours, and which days.

Now the key factor: Your kids have to help you write the contract. Keep this contract age appropriate and try to be very specific. Build a common vision of success with your child and explain how these changes can help them get there. When kids feel that their parents are controlling them, they will pull away and rebel. But if you get their opinion and listen to their input, they will be much more receptive to the rules. Creating a contract will spark conversations around tech and allow them to have a say. Together, the parents and child can decide what is an appropriate amount of time on each device. The contract should define clear rewards for good behavior and consequences for not following the contract. Once the contract is in place, help your child succeed. Many parents all too often try to wait for their children to fail.

Examples of rules surrounding electronics:

Keep phones away during meal time to encourage discussions and connection

Set daily time limits of how much gaming and social media they can have

Install apps that can help monitor their screen time and device usage

Encourage breaks between screen times to rest the brain

Encourage daily outdoor play, exercise or sports

Set the environment up for success: such as art, building, imaginative play, games, baking, logic puzzles, paper airplanes or origami

Encourage listening to audio books

Try limiting screens half hour to an hour before bed time in order to allow the brain to calm down

Having a contract is a tool for parents to have their rules clearly written out in a time of non-conflict. It eliminates the reactive responses which only fuels the fire and escalates any situation. It is important that when writing the contract together, your child is aware that the reason you are implementing these rules are because you care about their developing brains and you want the best for them.

Our goal as parents is to set our children up for success and focus on their strengths. Being the screen police becomes draining and depletes all of our energy to be effective parents. It would be much easier to let them stay on their devices all day and avoid constant conflict. However, we don’t, because we care about their developing brains and their future well being. We are here to guide our children and educate them, while having our expectations clearly written out helping them self regulate and gain self control. Remember, set the environment up for success, encourage them to be active, and celebrate the wins!

Good luck parents!

Dahlia Maman, ParentCoachMe.com 619-277-3093