02/13/2023
Spoiler alert: Renounced my membership about a year ago…
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Morning!
Eesh…my heart is pumpin way bad right now…
So, I’ve been posting here just about daily for the past 2ish weeks, and I realize today why. (Ha, which means I’ll probs step away for a bit again lol. Idk we’ll see)
(Told myself that if I wasn’t needed ‘til 10a this morning, I would come clean about the following on here.)
Normally, this sort of thing is personal; doesn’t need to be declared to all.
However, I have felt a sort of…indebtedness?? to my social media, because…ever since around the time of Coraleen’s birth, I sort of…built something intimate with y’all, and…that’s mattered to me ♡
However, that “[intimacy]” was often tied to my sincere testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ, and love for my God—often replete with relation to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in at least some way.
In moving forward with what I feel with *all* of me is my real “mission,” The Symone Foundation, and all that entails, I’ve been feeling the call to be completely honest with my *heart* (that greatly includes my willingness to show up socially—in *all* social settings—in my unabashed truth as well).
It was at the end of August 2017 that I had received one of only two experiences of its kind thus far: a very *real* visual/audible gift of a fork in the road (like…sent-from-heaven sorta thing):
“Tiana, [Sunday] was only a type of things [to come]. You can either [stay] or continue down the road [I] have led you down.”
My response:
“Staying! Thanks!”
(“Just gonna pretend now that *that* didn’t just happen. …La-di-daaaah!! Just honoring my full self over here! K?!”)
For. 4.5. Years…
Stagnant…
I literally could *not* move forward in either direction…
Because I was trying to choose…*both*
I remember attending a *PoWeRfUl* all-women’s retreat about a year after that “fork” experience…
Mostly—if not all—women in attendance were members of the church. And…I felt like I was living a lie… But, conversation between a few of them, whereby I got to listen in on, brought one of the hostesses to say, “And [God] said He counsels *very few* to leave.”
Me, in my head: “...And I’m one of them…”
Another: “But…why would He ask anyone to leave?”
*sigh*
To step away from all that is potentially cryptic—to clarify:
About a year ago (February 2022) I had removed my name from the records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And it is my current understanding that I will not return.
A couple things:
[EDIT: This short segment here was a generalization with a tone I don't like:]
It’s interesting, because not a single member of my ward had asked me why I left, but several had inferred “typical” reasons (none of them accurate).
[End of EDIT]
On the other hand, I was *overjoyed* to enjoy a couple conversations with a fellow woman who has felt a similar pull in her life. It’s been pleasant to be able to lean on each other.
Anyway, there really is no aim here besides letting something off my chest to friends[+] of mine I just personally feel obliged to relay this to. (You know I’ve enjoyed sharing these sorts of parts of me with ya for a while, as inspired ♡)
*Phewf* Well, anyway, gonna get back to work here in a sec. But…hey, thanks for receiving this part of me too ♡
(I feel really awkward right now; revealed.)
♡T
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