01/15/2025
The past few weeks, since limiting my social media use, have been very meaningful and difficult.
I had to say no many times to the impulse to check and see if anyone had gone unanswered or ignored. In reality, I was saying no to the need of external validation and approval.
On a deeper level, I was avoiding feeling anything other than happiness, joy, or contentment about my life. I was avoiding normal human emotions like sadness, grief, or disappointment. The consistent social media use was a very subtle way for me to avoid negative feelings and realities of life.
I define integrity as having the courage to face yourself continually. Once I realized what I was avoiding, I decided to sit with it and feel it. It was hard and actually gruesome at times, but it did pass and my trust and faith in myself also expanded. I am now learning what it means to be my own best friend.
Someone recently asked me if I was okay sharing my thoughts so openly with others. I actually sat with the question and considered it for a minute: what is my intention with sharing my life and thoughts with others? Obviously, it opens me up to criticism, disagreement, jealousy, frustration, or any other triggering emotions. But what if I help one person? What if someone decides not to take their life because of my example? What if they decide to follow the subtle voice of their soul because of something I said?
We never know what kind of impact we have on others, and it’s not about checking the scoreboard of our perceived impact. What matters is that we have a genuine experience of our own life and we share if we feel called.
