BeneFITcial By God's Design

Today is National Friendship Day!

Who is your oldest friend and how did you met!

Tag them below 🥰

It took me years to be able to take a picture and truly see a reflection of the real me.

I look at some of my older pictures and even though I was smiling, my eyes showed a different story.

It took me four years to truly allow myself to heal from many years of past trauma. To truly allow all the pain to go away, to accept the unspoken apologies of those who wronged me, to find the real me.

It was not an easy process but definitely a needed one.

So today when I take a picture, I can see my truth, my healing, my happiness- the real me.

Follower appreciation post!

Thank you to everyone who has supported this page! A special thank you to everyone who has messaged me to share their stories with me. I am honored you trusted me enough to allow me to work with you and so blessed to see the healing.

I may have slowed down and even disappeared from the online world for a minute but I am back and ready to see where God takes this.

Stay tuned for the new and improved.

BeneFITcial by God's Design.

Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.

Amen!

😉

These should be interesting 😁

Whew....what you say!!!

I am so thankful for new beginnings 😍

Some people tickle me.😆

So listen up. 👂🏽

Bringing up my past doesn't bother me.😜 My past is like the rearview mirror in my SUV. It's meant to give me a GLANCE 🤏🏾 at where I've come from. A reminder 🤔of what I've come through 🙋🏾‍♀️ and of what God released me from.🙌🏽 If I stare at it too long 👀, it becomes a distraction or can cause me to crash - stopping 🛑 or hindering me from reaching my destination.

However, my future is like my front windshield. Broad and open with so many possibilities😍. My future is brighter and so much more promising than my past.

Matthew 7:15-20 NKJV
15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

So I'll let my fruit speak for itself 😘

Love yourself first and everything else will fall in place ~ Lucille Ball

One of the biggest mistakes I made repeatedly over the years is thinking I needed someone else to make me happy. This lead me to repeated failed relationships, and marriages.

Running to be with someone hoping they would be able to heal the hurt, cure the insecurities and make me whole.

No matter what, I was never happy. I would blame others for the void without realizing they were not the answer.

It was a long road to reach this conclusion. I mean with everything I had survived (molested as a child, three sexual assaults as an adult, the death of a child and a long term abusive/toxic relationship, was there any help for me?

It was a long road to reach this conclusion. I mean with everything I had survived (molested as a child, three sexual assaults as an adult, the death of a child, and a long-term abusive/toxic relationship, was there any help for me?

The answer was Yes!

The process involved me forming a stronger relationship with God, a really good therapist, and some self-forgiveness. This allowed me to heal from years of trauma and discover a truly happy version of myself. This version of Jessica was happy alone, at peace, and was made whole.

Today is Super Bowl Sunday!

Are you watching or are you planning to do something else?

🙌🏾

Is your calling still calling you?

2022 may be your year 🥰❤

Are you into city life or country living?

Country living for me hands down!

I use to work out periodically throughout my life. I've had an athletic build since high school and pretty much maintained it by my youth (lol), staying active with my kids and yardwork. Occasionally I would realize I had gained more weight than I wanted and would jump into to workout overdrive to kick my body back into shape.

This continued for years until one day in 2018, I walked past a mirror and didn't recognize myself. I went from 172ish pounds and a size 8/10 to around 260ish pounds and a size 14/16 (and It was a very tight 16, lol).

I sat down and spent two days trying to figure out how I allowed myself to get that way. I was in a toxic and abusive relationship. I had trauma I hadn't healed from. I was depressed. I was suffering from anxiety attacks. I was over-eating when I was sad. I was over-eating when I was happy. I would spend all my time in my room because there were times I just couldn't deal with or didn't want to deal with what was going on in my life.

I was determined to change this! This was ONLY ONE part of my healing process and my awakening. I started with simple workouts at home. Joining FB fitness groups and eventually Planet fitness. I used my workout time to let go of frustrations. To help break negative thoughts. To help release certain negative images about myself. Slowly the stronger version of myself started to show and help me overcome other areas in which I was previously weak.

I never would have thought a pair of weights would help change my life but it did and since then, I've only gotten stronger.

This was something I struggled with...

Forgiving myself for my past mistakes

If money wasn't an issue, where would you go for a week?

Delayed does not mean denied....

I remember the day my mom told me: "You always had a dream of helping the world but baby you don't have any stucktoiness ( yes we made up a word, lol. )". That conversation stayed with me.

I have always had a dream of helping women recover from sexual, physical and mental traumas. As I mention in my live video last month - there had to be a purpose for my pain. However, I would run from it and flake out because I would get scared of the what if.

What if I was ready able to help people?
What if this is truly my calling?
What if I fail?
What if I'm wrong?
What if no one listens?
What if...? What if...? What if...?

So many questions, doubts, concerns and worries kept popping up. My sticktoiness kept flip flopping.

Then it clicked last year. God would have given me the vision without providing the provisions. So I was determined to leave all the "What if's" worries behind and switch to "I am" affirmations.

I am meant to do this!
I am ready to do thus!
I am successful!
I am going to use my gifts to help others!
I am guided my God!
I am walking in my gifts!

I have had this website in "holding" status for three years. I have had it designed and redesigned several times but never published it. I am happy to announce March 1, 2022, this site will be published!

It may not be perfect but it'll be a start in the journey!

Stay tuned 😉

Let me introduce myself. My name is Jessica Durr. I am a Christian who likes to make others laugh and use my gifts as part of my ministry. I am a survivor! A fighter! I am far perfect and have made my share of mistakes. I beautifully flawed and in love with my journey.

This Jessica had been hiding for years because she lost her way but I'm so glad she found her way to the light, full of life and new fire. No longer scared to try new things knowing she may fail. At least she will not live with regret knowing she never stepped out on faith.

So from Me to you: Hello!!!

Just in case someone needed to remind you 🥰

Being from the south it seems like our weather is always unpredictable (except for hurricane 🌀 season ).

This week we will experience all for seasons 🤣.

Either way, I'm waiting on a consistent spring.

What's your favorite part of spring? Mine will be in the comments 😉👇🏾

We going live @ 7pm! See you there!

❤❤

To increase our bloom ability, we must allow God to cut away what has stopped bearing fruit.

Think about your life. What could need cutting away? Do you have habits that are not God-honoring? Are you in harmful relationships? Are there ministries no longer bearing fruit? Could it be a job you need to leave? Could it relate to how you spend your money, or your time?

I'm so excited!!! Three more days!!!

Can anyone else relate? 😂

Would you rather sit all day or stand all day?

My answer is in the comments 👇🏾

Six more days!! Come hang with me as I introduce myself and tell you what BeneFITcial by Gods design is all about!

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Procrastination is the fertilizer that makes difficulties grow.

💥💥💥

Sometimes I have to remind myself I'm am too legit to quit on the vision God as for me.

💥

I may get tired. I may have some doubts. I may get discouraged but what I won't do again is quit!

Playing with my new ring light in my new office space working on a new project.

Stay tuned!!

Sidenote: no filters needed. Beautiful inside and out. Pigtails on point.

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I remember telling my mom years ago how HAPPY I was 😃 and I remember the sadness 😔 in her eyes after I said it.

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I asked her what was wrong 🤔 and she went on to explain how I really didn't know what HAPPINESS was. She wasn't saying it to mean 🤗. She wanted me to experience true HAPPINESS 😀but the "HAPPINESS"🥲 I was experiencing was just a mask 👤hiding what I truly needed to face.

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It took me years to understand what true HAPPINESS ❤ was. For me it was:

❤

1. Allowing God to heal me through his Word and my obedience 🙌🏾

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2. Being released from a toxic relationship and leaving everything and anything that wouldn't fit in my suv behind. ✌🏾

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3. Trusting God that my future was better than my past. 🙏🏾

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4. Taking the time to find out who Jessica really is. 🧘🏾‍♀️

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5. Beginning the journey of walking in my purpose and allowing God to take the wheel. ☝🏾

❤

Now I'm not saying that I'm getting everything right along this journey but I can say I'm listening to His guidance. There are some relationships I've had to work on rebuilding due to my past decisions but I don't mind putting in the work.

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Two years ago, I told my mom how happy I was and her eyes lit up! She was able to see the difference. It wasn't just a word I was throwing out there. My life reflected it. My words reflected it. My actions reflected it and it was an amazing feeling.

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It took me 40 years on this earth to be able to say I'm HAPPY with no strings attached and it is honestly one of the best feelings in the world.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Come hang with me as I introduce myself and discuss what BeneFITcial by Gods design is all about!

This is part of one of my regular prayers. 🙌🏾🙏🏾

Our mindset for 2022 🌟

im sorry self. 🥺

#sorry #apologies #audionotmine #beach

Just in case no one told you 🤗

im sorry self. 🥺 #sorry #apologies #audionotmine #beach

Jilliann's Voice: Finding your special spice

One of my biggest accomplishments in 2021 was being able to publish my first children's book.

This was major for me because, I had this sitting in the back of my mind since my daughter passed away. She was born with a rare brain condition but she didn't allow that to slow her down. She was able to make anyone who crossed paths with her smile.

Holding her hand while she took her last breathe was a hard pill to swallow and it took me a long time to be able to talk about it.

Writing a book about her in a unique way was definitely part of my healing process and a way for her light to continue to shine.

Jilliann's Voice: Finding your special spice https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09F1HYTF6/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_E366M39RHBK0TPX52WPF

Jilliann's Voice: Finding your special spice Jilliann's Voice: Finding your special spice

We are half way through the first month of the year!

Did you make any new year resolutions?
How are they going?

How To Forgive Someone Who Hurt You Deeply

How To Forgive Someone Who Hurt You Deeply

http://bible.com/r/19X

How To Forgive Someone Who Hurt You Deeply Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. It is about choosing to cancel a debt owed to us. As God's children, we are designed to forgive, but making the choice to forgive may fly in the face of everything we are currently feeling. In this study, Dr. Andrew Farley takes you directly to the one who can...

As the seasons change, one of my favorite things to do is cook one pot meals! Soups, chowder, chili's- you name it! It gives me an opportunity to searcg online and find new recipes.

Sometimes it's a win. Sometimes it not 😂

I consider this a win! Black eyed pea soup 👩🏾‍🍳

Do you have a favorite soup, chowder, or chili?

One thing I have learned on this journey is you have to take time to learn what kind of person you are.

So with that being said, are you a spender or a saver?

For most of my life I was a spender. I didn't become a saver until later in life (something that proved helpful when I had to major a major living situation shift in less than 25 hours!)

Remember....healing is a process ❤

Let's not even talk about mistakes, lol.

If you look through this page, it is clear I've made a few over the years.

But today we are going to focus on three mistakes we are not doing in 2022!

1. Thinking we can change people.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them!

2. Sacrificing your happiness for someone else.

Surround yourself with people who water, feed and help you bloom! Not people who are trying to drain you!

3. Not taking time to heal before moving on with someone else.

The saying hurt people, hurt people, has some truth to it!

One of the most exciting things I will be catering to this year are monthly lives focusing on different traumas and healing processes!

This will give me a chance to answer questions and give you guys a chance to engage in conversation in real time!

I'm so excited, I can "bearly" contain myself! See what I did there?

Stay tuned for the date and time of our first live event in January! ❤

As I look into what I envision for this page in 2022, I have to reflect on the journey to get here.

I started this page in 2016 as a way to encourage women to get healthy physically. In 2018, I felt a shift coming. It seemed like God was pulling me in a new direction. I had experienced multiple traumas over my life and He was moving me to share my testimony.

It was the beginning of my healing process and I was hoping I would help at least one person along the way.

I remember posting a one min video and sharing a piece of my testimony. I was so nervous but the response from people was so amazing! It received over 11k views and multiple shares. I did two live videos, one with 6k views and another with 3k views. I felt like I was on the right path.

But then something happened... I started recieving messages from women who had experienced similar traumas. As I started responding, it became overwhelming. My heart couldn't take it and I shut down. Literally...shutting down the page.

I felt like I failed so many people because I walked through this door God had opened and I wasn't qualified for what happened next.

I didn't realize God already qualifies!

So I took a step back, worked on myself and now I'm ready for whatever God has for me to accomplish this year.

So my goals for this year:

1. To consistently show up!
2. To share my testimony and journey hoping it will encourage and help someone else
3. Get my certifications!!
4. Build a positive and safe platform to show there is a healthy life after trauma