Wynning Solutions Education Consulting

Listening, learning, and leading! Taking time to grow professionally Jill Miller

School discipline can be predicted, new research says. Is it preventable? UC Berkeley researchers in a new study have documented wide fluctuations and racial disparities in school discipline — and ways educators might be better able to prevent incidents altogether

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https://www.loom.com/share/1d068fb451f8464aae795a15677a1ce6

Gratitude Lesson for Grown-Ups! Check out a video I made via Loom

Wynning with Behavior!
Did you know that May is recognized around the world as Mental Health Awareness Month? Now more than ever, we need to make mental health a priority. Everyday there are steps we can take to stay mentally healthy, and to remind EVERYONE that recovery from mental illness is POSSIBLE.

Our mental health and physical health are connected! A healthy lifestyle has proven highly effective in preventing and delaying the onset or worsening of depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions, as well as heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and other chronic health conditions.

Practicing just a few simple steps each day can keep you stronger mentally and physically and help improve your overall recovery. Developing healthier eating habits and doing some daily exercise improves our mood, helps us control our weight, and improves sleep. Challenge yourself to do something each day, just for YOU!!!! Start small, even if it is just 5 min!!!!!

Jill Downard Newell

Wynning Thoughts!

Wynning with Behavior

Parent Tip of Week: BRAIN DEAD

As we have wrapped up another week of quarantine, and are processing the reality of not returning to school, I am certain frustrations are starting to mount. Despite how much love we have in our homes, all this "togetherness" can start getting the best of us. When tensions begin to mount; we may begin to yell at each other, or our kids begin to argue with us and say such things as, "You're mean; you're so unfair! This is so dumb!"

In the heat of the moment, there is no way a kid is really going to listen or agree to our "words of wisdom." They are simply wanting THEIR WAY! Typically during these moments, adults try to reason or make threats they can't back up. Trying to reason with a child or even a spouse
during the heat of moment is like putting gas on a fire. With every suggestion or comment, comes another argument, it just continues to fuel the flame.

According to Love and Logic experts, Jim and Charles Fey, it is too easy for parents to become worn down over time. Children become very skilled at twisting our words and taking us on a "bird walk" with the conversation. Unfortunately many times due to exhaustion or frustration, we give in, ultimately teaching our kids that getting their way is simply a matter of wearing us down.

When we do this, we can negatively impact our children in some of the following ways:

• Kids lose the opportunity to learn from their mistakes.
• They can become susceptible to beliefs of entitlement.
• They can become addicted to the drama of argument and manipulation.
• Kids may begin to act out more to explore more limits.
• Kids may develop feelings of hostility towards adults or themselves.

If you can remember TWO things, you can keep your sanity and have way more energy, than when you use it up arguing. When your child or significant other starts to argue, go BRAIN DEAD. Resist the urge to think and deliver a ONE-LINER.

Here are some favorite Love and Logic one-liners:
I know..
I love you too much to argue…
I argue after dinner… I argue at 6:00 am each morning
Thanks for sharing… and remember what I said.
Could be… and what did I say?
Ohhhhh…
You might be right (one principal shared this is how he
has been married for over 30 years)

It is very important to pay attention to the delivery of your one-liner. You must not deliver with sarcasm, coldness, anger or frustration. This takes practice!! When we issue consequences full or emotion, the child often becomes more focused on our reaction rather than what we are saying. Children are more likely to transform anger into sorrow, we express with genuine empathy.

Here's an example of what an effective one-liner might look like:

Parent: I see you were playing video games instead of finishing your lesson.
Child: Just for a minute, I didn't understand and the teacher didn't put any instructions…..
Parent: And what did I say?
Child: blah, blah, blah
Parent: And what did I say? (Move away from child; don't stand there to allow a power struggle to continue. Walking away gives you a chance and the child a chance to calm down.)
Child: BUT……SHE….. I ……
Parent: I love you too much to argue right now or I'll argue with you after dinner.

At the end of the day, you will have much more energy to spend with your kids having fun and engaging in more positive interactions.

- Jill Downard NewellWynn

Source: Love and Logic, Jim Fay and Charles Fay, Ph.D

Shawn Peck, Assistant Principal of Faribault High School, could not be more right. As educators and parents we have an opportunity to teach our students and children a valuable lesson on handling stress in a healthy way. Children look to the adults in their lives to learn how to react. Turn your TVs off for a bit. Take a walk, and tell your child a story such as the day they were born. Wake them up, and tell them they are getting a day off from homeschooling. Do a puzzle together, color or paint together-play. Even if it’s hard smile, laugh, dance in the living room. The MOST valuable lesson your child could learn through all of this is not long division via Google Classroom. It’s healthy ways to cope with stress. That is what our world needs the most.

Parent Tip: Delayed Consequences

"Wynning with Behavior"

As many parents have expressed, the transition to homeschooling has been a challenging journey. I have always found it much easier to work and gain compliance from others kids versus my own. When it comes to gaining compliance from kids, I am going to share a strategy that comes from both Parenting with Love and Logic and Teaching with Love and Logic.

Perhaps you have heard or believed that a consequence must be delivered immediately after any act of defiance or broken rule. However, quite the opposite is true! Immediate consequences often work well when training lab rats, or other animals; however, with children, immediate consequences often create more problems than solved.

In the "heat of the moment" it is often difficult to think of an immediate response. As a result, we may end up making threats we can't back up or react while we are still upset, which sometimes causes the child to be more focused on OUR anger rather than the issue at hand. Another key problem is that we "own" the problem rather than handing it back to the child; we are doing more thinking about the problem than the child.

Love and Logic teaches us to take a pause and be more rational. For example, the next time your child does something that really upsets you, it is okay to say, "I'm going to have to do something (which leaves our options wide open) about this; we will talk later." You can even say, "I'm too upset to talk about this now. We will talk later when I am calm and can make better decisions."

The key is to remain calm while you are delivering the message. At the end of the day you will not feel as exhausted from making threats and doing all the thinking. The child has to carry the problem for a bit wondering what it is that you might do. Often this "waiting" time is more agonizing than the actual punishment. I think back to a personal experience where my child was sent to her room by her dad. She was so upset and worried about what he would do, she wrote a note and slid it under the door. She said, "Please go ahead and s***k me or whatever you might do." Sitting there thinking about what he might do and how disappointed he was, was causing her more regret at her decision. Had he immediately started yelling or reacting, she may have been focused more on the punishment than the actual deed. We want kids to think about their mistakes and learn from them. This gives kids an opportunity to own it for a bit.

Source: Parenting with Love and Logic by Jim and Charles Fay, Ph.D

Here is a great video from Larry Thompson that demonstrates the same concept:

Larry Thompson: Avoid Allowing Students to Step In and Out of Responsibility Larry illustrates how students look for an "out" from bearing responsibility for behaviors and project the problem back onto educators. Here, Larry offers an...

"We Are All in This Together"

We are well into our 2nd week of learning to navigate this "new normal" in educating students. In schools, we have prepared ourselves for nearly every "crisis" imaginable. We have procedures in place for natural disasters, student deaths, mental health breakdowns, and even active shooters. However, NOT in the plans was a virus that has nearly ONE BILLION students out of schools for potentially months (DeWitt)!

Needless to say, this has thrown us all for a loop and forced us to think about instruction in a whole new way. In just a few days, educators were forced to adapt to a whole new way of educating students, and parents were forced into roles for which they had not been prepared. It has been frustrating for ALL of us. Although it is not a bad thing, teachers and school leaders have been overwhelmed by the mass amounts of online resources recently made available to them, and then there are schools who have struggled to come up with the resources (devices) necessary to provide distance learning. Then there is the issue of internet access. There are many districts who have had to look for other creative means to deliver instruction to those families without, and then there is the issue of increased usage resulting in slower speeds, etc.

It is important for us to remain united and not let our frustrations lead us into bickering with one another. It has been encouraging to see posts from teachers offering to help not only students in their own school or district, but ANY student! This is the mindset we all need! ALL of these kids are our future; the success of ALL of them is what it is going to take to make our country great. They are our future doctors, lawyers, tradesmen, etc. Needless to say, the “Struggle is Real!” At this point, it doesn’t matter what team we have supported in the past (Arrow, Pirate, Bulldog, Maverick, Jaguar, Rebel… the list goes on). It is not my student or your student, it is OUR students! Like the T.E.A.M. acronym says, “Together, Everyone, Achieves, More.”

Source: 12 Critical Issues in Education Due to the Coronavirus Virus by Peter Dewitt. March 23, 2020

"We Are All in This Together"

We are well into our 2nd week of learning to navigate this "new normal" in educating students. In schools, we have prepared ourselves for nearly every "crisis" imaginable. We have procedures in place for natural disasters, student deaths, mental health breakdowns, and even active shooters. However, NOT in the plans was a virus that has nearly ONE BILLION students out of schools for potentially months (DeWitt)!

Needless to say, this has thrown us all for a loop and forced us to think about instruction in a whole new way. In just a few days, educators were forced to adapt to a whole new way of educating students, and parents were forced into roles for which they had not been prepared. It has been frustrating for ALL of us. Although it is not a bad thing, teachers and school leaders have been overwhelmed by the mass amounts of online resources recently made available to them, and then there are schools who have struggled to come up with the resources (devices) necessary to provide distance learning. Then there is the issue of internet access. There are many districts who have had to look for other creative means to deliver instruction to those families without, and then there is the issue of increased usage resulting in slower speeds, etc.

It is important for us to remain united and not let our frustrations lead us into bickering with one another. It has been encouraging to see posts from teachers offering to help not only students in their own school or district, but ANY student! This is the mindset we all need! ALL of these kids are our future; the success of ALL of them is what it is going to take to make our country great. They are our future doctors, lawyers, tradesmen, etc. Needless to say, the “Struggle is Real!” At this point, it doesn’t matter what team we have supported in the past (Arrow, Pirate, Bulldog, Maverick, Jaguar, Rebel… the list goes on). It is not my student or your student, it is OUR students! Like the T.E.A.M. acronym says, “Together, Everyone, Achieves, More.”

Sources: Peter DeWitt: 12 Critical Issues in Education Due to the Coronavirus