Doherty Relationship Institute

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Doherty Relationship Institute

Bill is an internationally recognized professor, researcher, writer, speaker, consultant, and democracy builder. www.dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com

Bill Doherty, Ph.D., and Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, MS, LAMFT run this multi-pronged organization whose mission is to broaden the cultural conversations around marriage, therapy, divorce reform, and other mental and medical health topics.

09/23/2026

Many couples seek help only after one partner has begun seriously considering divorce.

This is one of the most challenging moments in couples work, and many therapists were never formally trained for it.

Discernment Counseling gives therapists a structured, research-based approach for working with mixed-agenda couples.

The training helps you:
✔ Work confidently with leaning-out spouses
✔ Avoid half-hearted couples therapy
✔ Guide couples toward clarity and confidence
✔ Integrate the protocol into the model you already use

Become the therapist who knows what to do when couples are on the brink.

Learn more:
https://discernmentcounseling.com/

09/16/2026

Discernment Counseling isn't about convincing a couple to stay together or helping them decide to divorce.

It's about helping them slow down and understand.

What has happened to the marriage?
What patterns brought them here?
What has each person contributed to the problems?

From that deeper understanding, couples can begin to move toward clarity and confidence about a direction for their relationship.

That's what makes Discernment Counseling different from traditional couples therapy.

Clarity. Confidence. Direction. Understanding.

Learn more about Discernment Counseling:
https://discernmentcounseling.com/

09/09/2026

A recent study by Bill Doherty and colleagues found that 40% of couples reported hearing at least one undermining statement from a therapist.

Examples included:
• Suggesting the couple was incompatible
• Saying the relationship was beyond repair
• Recommending divorce too early
• Moving to individual therapy instead of working with the relationship

These moments often happen when therapists become frustrated, discouraged, or lack a clear framework for difficult couple cases.

The findings highlight something important:
Couples therapy is complex work.

And therapists deserve training, structure, and support for the couples who challenge us most.

Research article:
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10591-024-09702-2

09/02/2026

Couples therapists often carry a quiet pressure:
Can I help save this marriage?

But our role is not to persuade couples to stay together, and it is not to encourage them to separate.

Our role is to create a space where people can slow down, reflect, and make thoughtful decisions.

Discernment Counseling was designed for exactly this moment.

It helps couples on the brink gain clarity and confidence about their direction while helping therapists avoid taking on responsibility that was never theirs to carry.

Sometimes the most important thing we offer is not an answer.

It's a process.

08/26/2026

Most couples therapy training begins after both partners have agreed they want to work on the relationship.

But what happens when they haven't?

Discernment Counseling fills that gap.

This specialized training teaches therapists how to confidently work with mixed-agenda couples, where one spouse is leaning in and the other is leaning out.
You'll learn a structured, research-based protocol that helps couples gain clarity before beginning couples therapy or deciding to separate.
The best part?

Discernment Counseling is model-neutral, so you can integrate it into the work you're already doing without changing your therapeutic approach.

Expand your toolkit. Strengthen your confidence. Better serve couples on the brink.

Find out more about the Discernment Counseling training:
https://discernmentcounseling.com

08/19/2026

One of the biggest reasons couples therapy stalls is that the couple isn't entering it with the same goal.

One spouse is ready to work on the marriage.
The other is still deciding whether they even want to stay.

Discernment Counseling was created to prevent couples from starting therapy before both partners are ready to engage in the work.

Instead, it provides a structured process that helps each spouse gain clarity about the relationship and their own role in it.

Because couples therapy works best when both people are truly ready to participate.

08/12/2026

When a couple is in crisis, it's easy to focus on the spouse whose actions caused the most visible hurt.

An affair.
A hidden addiction.
Financial deception.

Those actions matter and must be addressed.

But if therapists only focus on one person's behavior, they can miss the relationship patterns that developed over time.

Discernment Counseling helps each spouse examine their own contributions to the marriage while acknowledging the realities that brought them to this point.

Understanding the relationship is not the same as assigning equal blame.

It's about helping both people gain the insight they need to move forward, whatever direction they choose.

Learn more about Discernment Counseling:
https://discernmentcounseling.com

08/05/2026

As therapists, we've all had that moment.

A couple looks at us and asks,
"What do you think we should do?"

Stay together?
Separate?
Keep trying?

It's a natural question, but it's not our decision to make.

Our role is to create a process where both partners can better understand what has happened to the relationship, reflect on their own contributions, and move toward a decision they can make with clarity and confidence.

That's exactly why Discernment Counseling was developed.

Therapists: How do you respond when a couple asks you to decide the future of their marriage? We'd love to hear your approach.

07/29/2026

This can be a difficult truth to embrace as a couples therapist.

Our job is not to convince people to stay married.
Our job is not to convince people to divorce.
Our job is to help clients make thoughtful, informed decisions about their lives and relationships.

For couples on the brink, that often means helping each spouse better understand:
• What has happened to the marriage
• Their own contributions to the problems
• What they want moving forward

That's one reason Discernment Counseling feels so different.

The goal isn't saving the marriage.

The goal is helping couples gain clarity and confidence about their direction.
Ironically, when therapists let go of trying to "save" the marriage, couples often become more open to honest reflection and meaningful conversations.

Therapists: Was this a difficult lesson for you to learn in your career?

07/22/2026

Many therapists tell us they spent years trying to figure out how to help couples when one spouse was leaning out of the marriage.

They had the clinical skills.
They had the desire to help.

What they didn't have was a clear roadmap for working with mixed-agenda couples.

Discernment Counseling was developed specifically for these challenging situations.

Because it is model-neutral, therapists from a wide range of backgrounds can integrate the protocol into their existing practice without abandoning the approaches they already use.

Through the training, you'll learn how to:
✔ Work confidently with couples on the brink of divorce
✔ Navigate sessions without taking sides
✔ Help each spouse gain deeper insight into their role in the relationship
✔ Guide couples toward clarity and confidence about their next step

Many therapists describe Discernment Counseling as the missing piece they didn't know they needed.

Learn more at: www.discernmentcounseling.com/

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Saint Paul, MN
55113

Website

http://dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com/

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