Kami Orange Boundary Coach

If they say, “Stop overreacting!” here are four responses.

One.
You can choose not to believe me but that doesn’t change the truth of what happened.

Two.
Why is it easier for you to believe I’m overreacting than for you to believe something truly terrible has occurred?

Three.
This is a proportionate reaction to what happened.

Four.
Yikes! What I’m hearing you say is that you are not a safe person to talk about this topic with. Is that what you meant to communicate?

For more boundary phrases, I wrote a whole book of them called SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

And if you have gotten my book, THANK YOU! Please review it wherever you can so more people can find my work. Today I have 38 reviews and 228 ratings on Goodreads and I’d love it to be 50 reviews and 300 ratings.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is trimming plants in her backyard and not looking at the camera. The sky is blue with the sun brightly shining so she is covering her head with a white floppy brim hat and her hands with green gardening gloves. She picks up a leaf, inspects it, grabs another leaf, trims it, and continues repeating the process.

Hashtags:

If they sarcastically say, “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt!” here are four responses.

One.
Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it!

Two.
I don’t want your sarcasm. When you’re ready to have a real conversation, let me know.

Three.
I know it’s hard to hear what you did hurt me. I hope we can both put this behind us.

Four.
I’m sorry you hurt my feelings too! What you did and how you’re acting right now is really damaging to our relationship!

For more boundary phrases, I wrote a whole book of them called SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with sandy hair wearing a pink tank top and pink shorts. She’s sitting cross legged on the porch in front of her house playing with her house plant. While the voiceover speaks, she is looking at the spider plant offshoots, trimming them off the mother plant, removing more offshoots from the root base, and overall having a great time with a smile on her face.

Hashtags:

If they don’t care when I’m uncomfortable, that’s good information to know.

With that information I can make different decisions about how often and in what ways I’m willing to be around them. I prioritize my relationships with people who care if I’m comfortable or uncomfortable and vice versa.

This is a repost from October 2022. I’m packing my house to move so instead of filming new videos, I’m resharing from the Kami Orange Archives!

I’m a boundary coach and if you like this type of content, you will probably also enjoy my boundary phrase book SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with a brown-blonde short hair wearing a white tank top. She is sitting indoors against a wooden slat wall. She is facing right when speaking as character one and then facing left when speaking as character two.

Hashtags:

Five responses to overly personal questions.

I’m responding to a comment that says:
“I really hope you do one for fertility. I keep getting asked about when I will have another baby but I might not be able to have one.”

This is a repost from October 2022. I’m packing my house to move so instead of filming new videos, I’m resharing from the Kami Orange Archives!

I’m a boundary coach and if you like this type of content, you will probably also enjoy my boundary phrase book SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with a brown-blonde short hair wearing a white tank top. She is sitting indoors speaking directly to the camera and holding up a number of fingers to correspond with the number of phrase.

Hashtags:

Autistic Language Hypothesis by autism researcher Rachel Cullen (they/them).

Autistic people process individual words as whole units of information.

Allistic people (non-autistic people) process full sentences as whole units of information.

The green graphics are from Ben Autisticality and can be seen in entirety on Ben’s website Autisticality dot co dot uk.

This video is a repost from November 26th 2022. That’s why my hair looks different and I’m wearing white instead of orange as I do now.

Visual Description Written By Kami:
The first of four slides is a green background with a rainbow gradient circle around the words Autistic Language Hypothesis in black font. An inset of Kami appears to be floating on the right side of the slide. She is a fat white woman with sandy blonde hair in a white oversized hoodie.

The second slide is titled “What Does This Mean” in black font on a green background. The text continues with “The hypothesis indicates that where non-Autistic people process sentences as a whole unit of information together whereas Autistic people process words as a whole unit of information. This can result in lots of questions in order to clarify what has been said i.e. who why how where what when.”

The third slide is titled “How Does This Work” in black font on a green background. The text continues with “For example, if someone was to ask do you like potatoes?” Then two columns of text side by side. The left column says Autistic person. What sort of potatoes? Plain potatoes or in another form? When? In the evenings/at the weekends? Like them in what way? The right column says Non-Autistic person. Depending on context, yes, no, I guess, why?�
Kami is now full screen, sitting against a white indoor wall on a green chair, and speaking directly to the camera about potatoes.

The fourth and final slide is titled “About Rachel Cullen” with a photo of a white non-binary person with short blue hair and a lip ring wearing a professional vest and tie and a happy smile on their face. Below the photo is their email address cullen dot consultancy dot services at hotmail dot com, their website cullen consultancy dot co dot uk, and the words “I am an autistic advocate and researcher who offers consultancy on autistic experience.”

Hashtags:

My Lyft driver said something discriminatory about ADHD people.

Since this is a repost from December 2022, I can give you some closure:

As I was getting out of the car I said to him, “What you said is not okay. I am still going to leave you a tip and five stars but please don’t accept any future ride requests from me if you see them pop up on the Lyft app. I really don’t want to see you again.”

And I never got that Lyft driver in the future.

Why did I still tip him and leave five stars? It was a judgment call that could’ve gone either way.

I considered I wasn’t unsafe, he didn’t speak about me directly, it’s okay for people to be wrong, and he got me to my destination competently as a driver.

But the main reason is that I care about ADHD people! And he was giving strong ADHD vibes!!

Not just the poor verbal impulse control but things he had told me about himself on previous rides, the clutter in his car, and the way he flipped through the music.

My hope is that calmly telling him to consider he might be ADHD while also leaving five stars and a tip would make him more likely to listen to what I was saying!

What would YOU have done?

Visual Description Written By Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with sandy blonde hair in a white oversized hoodie. She is facing the camera and gesturing with her hands when making key points showing her French tip manicure.

Hashtags:

How I show empathy to my friends. Who are almost all ADHD and autistic.

Short version I say: You’re not crazy!

Longer version:
You’re not crazy!
This is super messed up!
Your feelings are valid!
It’s okay to feel how you feel.
Your feelings make sense with the context of what happened.
I’m here with you!

I’m responding to a comment that says:
Can you do a few more examples of this? I love this so much! This is so helpful!

This video is a repost from December 2022. That’s why my hair looks different and I’m wearing white instead of orange.

Visual Description Written By Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with sandy blonde hair in a white shirt and blue denim overalls. She is facing the camera and gesturing emphatically when making key points. The lamp light shining from the right side is shadowing her cheek dimple so it’s extra obvious as she speaks.

Hashtags:

Here’s a longer empathy phrases example.

I’m responding to a comment that says:
Got sexually harassed today at work, during a home visit with a patient. I feel guilty I didn’t l stand up for myself or remember any boundary phrases.

Notice how I use the following five empathy phrases besides “I’m sorry” woven into the specifics of this situation.

That is not okay that that happened to you.
You didn’t deserve that.
That is not your fault.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
That is messed up that that happened to you.

This video is a repost from December 2022. That’s why my hair looks different and I’m wearing white instead of orange.

Visual Description Written By Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with sandy blonde hair in a white tank top. She is relaxing in bed sitting up against orange pillows and wearing over the ear noise canceling headphones with aviator style blue light blocking glasses.

Hashtags: