Laurin Hamilton Law

I haven't posted much lately. Frankly, practicing family law can be disheartening. All too often, parents tear each other apart, putting their fears or need for vengeance before their children's best interest. This true story (one I'll call "CHRIS' PARENTS") is sad but helps restore my faith in humanity.

Over 40 years ago, a man and woman divorced. They shared one child, a son named Chris. I was a child at the time and didn't know much about the divorce, but Chris and I grew up together.

When we were in high school, Chris was tragically killed in a car accident. My mom and Chris' mom were friends, but I didn't know Chris' dad. I will never forget, though, burying a teenage friend and witnessing a grown man sob over his son's casket. With Chris gone, the two estranged parents shared grief but ultimately lost touch.

More than 30 years and many mental health struggles later, Chris' mother wound up alone and on disability. My mother looked out for and helped her over the years, but when my own mom died, Chris' mom wound up in a long-term care facility. I visited and occasionally took things to Chris' mom in the nursing home, but she deteriorated in the isolation.

When Chris' mom was near the end, it saddened me to learn I'd been her only visitor. She sat alone day in and day out. I contacted Chris' childhood best friend who then traveled from another state to visit. He also helped to find and inform a relative and to let Chris' father know that the mother of his dead son was on hospice.

Chris' dad (who divorced the dying woman 40+ years beforehand and had not seen her in over 30 years) began visiting his ex-wife almost daily. This man sat by her bed, fed her, and put ice chips on her dry lips. He showed her photos of and talked about the son they'd lost. Even though the long bereaved woman barely spoke, the man kept returning so the mother of his child wouldn't die alone. When she passed, he placed her ashes by Chris' grave.

As a once divorced mama and as a lawyer and divorce/co-parenting coach, it warmed my heart to see such a selfless act of humanity. This father extended kindness and care to his ex-wife at the end of her life to honor the life of the child they shared.

?? Should I Stay or Should I Go ??

Sorry for the song bomb! Now that 80's song will be stuck on loop in my head. If you are considering divorce, you may feel stuck in a loop of indecision.

Even if you are miserable in your marriage and already know you need a divorce, you may have divorce anxiety. There are so many questions:

Will we have to go to court?
How long will my divorce take?
How much does a divorce cost?
How will we tell our children?
Who will get the house?
What will my future look like?

These are important and necessary questions you should be asking, but don't get caught in divorce analysis paralysis. Avoid rash, uninformed decisions, but do not let fear of the unknown keep you stuck. Get answers to those nagging questions.

Seek professional assistance and determine what you need and want in order to be the best, healthiest version of yourself. Build your confidence by becoming educated about your finances and options. Gather a team and a plan.

"Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing." - Laurie Buchanan

Laurin Hamilton Law A Family Lawyer turned Divorce Coach helping moms "Divorce Better, Not Bitter."

VALENTINE CO-PARENTING

Co-parenting isn't always butterflies and rainbows....or paper hearts and candies.

Your ex is no-longer your Valentine, but he/she is NOT your kids' ex parent.

Your co-parenting relationship may be the polar opposite of lovey-dovey. You may not even LIKE your co-parent, yet the two of you share the responsibility of raising your children.

It's okay to to have zero warm fuzzy feelings when your ex comes to mind. But don't let your animosity override your committment to love your children the way they deserve to be loved.

This may mean helping your little one buy Daddy a valentine card. This may mean placing the flowers your son picked for his mama in a vase. It may mean communicating and cooperating when it comes to classmate valentines, teacher gifts, and class parties. It may mean simply biting your tongue about your ex and their new love interest.

This Valentine's Day, love yourself and love your kids. Self love is crucial to happiness and ultimately to extending love to others. Unlike romantic love, parental love is irreplaceable and unconditional. Focus on the wonder and beauty of these gifts of love. Nurture them and strive to love well, always keeping your children's best interest at heart.

Your co-parenting relationship may be cooperative, parallel, or conflicted. There is no one "right" way to co-parent, but there are certainly some WRONG ways to go about it. If your co-parenting relationship is less than ideal, you can still make sure you get one part right --- Love your kids more than you hate your ex.

Disclaimer: This post is not legal advice and speaks to general animosity and standard co-parenting difficulties. It is not intended to address the difficulty and complexities of being legally required to co-parent with an abuser.

Renewed Resolution

Each year, we start fresh with good intentions.... We decide to do this or that, to refrain from vices, to be better, to try harder.

Approaching marriage, loving partners exchange vows with high hopes, full of determination and dreams for a bright future.

Beginning my family law practice, I was resolved to help families reach workable solutions. I was determined to do divorce differently.

Life can change on a dime. We adapt plans or update resolutions.

Reconsidering your options does not equate to giving up or quitting. Instead, change means adapting and evolving. The word divorce stems from the Latin word... "divertere," which means to turn in a different direction. We change direction when the path we are on is no longer leading us where we want to go.

The year 2024 will involve some revamping in my career (DETAILS COMING SOON), but I renew my resolution to help clients move forward in a positive way.

You, too, may be making new year's resolutions. If upcoming changes include dissolving your marriage, do so in a way that is BETTER, NOT BITTER.

Laurin Hamilton
Laurin Hamilton Law

THE COST OF DIVORCE....

Former talk show host Craig Ferguson said, "Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing."

Check out Georgia family law attorney, Ashley Pepitone's Instagram video along these lines (shared today by in our Instagram stories.) Ashley's post sheds light on a tough truth about how some divorce lawyers bill.

In divorce, what was whole must be divided. Divorcing parties can either reach an agreement in divvying up marital assets --OR-- they can let a judge determine who gets what. Rest assured, though, there will be far less left to divide if parties' lawyers each vie for a piece of the pie.

Thankfully, not all family law attorneys intentionally drive up legal fees. I do NOT practice this way. Laurin Hamilton Law bills clients using staged flat fees. Clients only pay for what they need. I am upfront with clients about the advantages and disadvantages of each option so that they can proceed fully informed and make strategic decisions to best serve their family and longterm goals.

While flat fees provide some predictability and generally keep costs down, not all hourly billing attorneys are bad. Some signs that suggest a divorce lawyer is driving up legal fees include: supporting the client's negative emotions about their spouse, discouraging compromise, encouraging litigation, filing unneccessary motions, promising minimum outcomes in court, billing for basic client communications, and failing to tell the client "no."

Don't minimize marital assets just to line your lawyer's pockets. When a divorce lawyer uses a scorched earth approach, it's the parties' family and finances that wind up burned.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. We know intimate partner violence and abuse happen, but do we really what domestic abuse is?

I created this graphic to identify common forms of domestic abuse and provide examples of each. Consider sharing this graphic to raise awareness of domestic abuse.

Laurin Hamilton Laurin Hamilton Law

DV Resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://www.thehotline.org
1-1800-799-SAFE (7233)

Mississippi Attorney General Bureau of Victim Assistance's information on protection orders:
https://www.ago.state.ms.us/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/DAPO.pdf

Mississippi Coalition Against Domestic Violence
https://mcadv.org
1-800-898-3234

I practice what I preach, but . . . .

I have ticked off an opposing party here or there practicing family law....particularly when it comes to how things play out in court.

I once had an opposing party's grandmother write to tell me how "mean" I was to her (full grown adult) grandson. I recently had an opposing party accuse me of advertising a softer side of divorce then showing a very different side in court.

In fairness, this accusation wasn't exactly false. I promote and believe in divorcing amicably. Where physically and emotionally safe and feasible, I first advocate to save the marriage. If divorce is inevitable, it is best to negotiate terms that work for both parties and their children.

I will not accept a potential client who is out for revenge or mud slinging. I am a straight-shooter and do not engage in tricks or theatrics. Sometimes, though, even best efforts to play nice are refused.

When this happens, it often presents like this…. client diligently tries to resolve the issues without judicial intervention, but the other party (or certain facts) ultimately make court necessary. In court, certain truths come out. Hard questions are asked. Private topics are discussed. Finances are uncovered. Secrets are revealed.

Courtroom divorce and custody proceedings are NOT PRETTY. My client may wind up happy with the result, and the opposing party may be mad . . . . but there is no true "winner" in family court.

When things get ugly like that, all I can think is: "It didn't have to be this way."

Co-Parenting Exchanges

For many families, Sunday is a day for rest and relaxation, worship, or even enjoying Sunday Funday. For families who co-parent, Sundays may involve parenting exchanges.

Help your child transition from one parent's home to the other by ensuring the exchange goes smoothly. Follow these tips to keep the switch calm, cool, collected, and child-focused.

Amicable Divorce Network

I am a Certified Amicable Divorce Attorney with the Amicable Divorce Network. Mississippi's founding member, I was recently named as an Amicable Ambassador for the state.

The Amicable Divorce Network is a "national network of vetted, experienced, and trained professionals" (including lawyers and mediators, as well as mental health, financial, real estate, and mortgage professionals) whom are committed to helping parties through divorce in a low conflict and efficient manner using the network's trademarked Amicable Divorce Process.

The parties do not actually have to be "amicable" to use the process, but they do have to agree to voluntarily exchange certain information, negotiate the issues, and have a desire to stay out of court. The process bears some similarity to collaborative law (which I hope eventually becomes another option for Mississippians seeking divorce) in that it involves "the same spirit of cooperation." However, the additional professionals (beyond lawyers) are optional. In the Amicable Divorce Process, the parties’ "attorneys maintain their traditional roles,: never compromising confidentiality or advocacy. Should the intentional and well-planned process ultimately fail for other reasons, the parties do not have to start anew with different counsel.

I am proud to be a part of an organization dedicated to making a positive difference in divorce and family law. I look forward to bringing the Amicable Divorce Process to the state of Mississippi.

If you are facing divorce, ask your dedicated family lawyer if he/she is a member of the Amicable Divorce Network or if they would like to be considered for membership. If you are a Mississippi attorney exhausted from the adversarial nature of high conflict divorce cases --or one (like me) who is saddened by what the traditional divorce process often does to families, ask me for a referral or check out the Amicable Divorce Network at www.amicabledivorcenetwork.com to see if you may qualify for membership.

All quotes courtesy of Tracy Ann Moore-Grant, Founder of Amicable Divorce Network

Laurin Hamilton Law A Family Lawyer turned Divorce Coach helping moms "Divorce Better, Not Bitter."

🌻FACE THE SUN🌻 . . . .

I read that sunflowers face the sun and that when the sun isn't shining, they face each other. The author promoted the idea that we as humans should be like sunflowers and turn to others for support when the light is missing in our lives. I love the concept, especially for people facing divorce, but --as is often the case in divorce and in life-- the great sounding and well-intended advice did not exactly prove to be true.

Upon further digging (I am a fact-checker), it turns out that young sunflowers do, indeed, bend to face the sun (something called heliotropism) to maximize the light derived; however, sunflowers do not turn toward each other on dreary days. Instead, during sustained cloudy weather, sunflowers grow straight upward.

While it turns out that sunflowers do not actually garner energy and light from one another, we humans certainly can. There is still something to learn, though, from the striking yellow and brown flowers....

We can focus on the light, turning toward what is good and bright. Even amid adversity and when things seem dark for a period of time, we can be firm and hold our own. We can face ahead, upward. We can cling to the steadfast knowledge that the sun will shine again. We can keep standing in the darkness, awaiting with hope and anticipation for the light that is sure to come. 🌻

- Laurin Davis Hamilton, Mississippi Family Lawyer and Divorce Coach