Angela True

Dang, it's been thirty-six Father's Days without my dad. I went for a walk yesterday on the beach before hosting a Zoom conversation with Claire Bidwell Smith on Father Loss.
With each step, I was thinking about that horrible day when I watched the murder of my father unfold on the five o'clock news in my family living room. I remembered how I fell to the floor and the animal noises that came out of my body. My first thought was, "Who's going to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?" I was sixteen, and when I think back now on my sixteen-year-old self, I want to wrap my arms around her and let her know I love her. And let her know she is not alone and that I will be there with her through it all.

As I continued to walk, salty tears slid down my cheeks, and I was thankful I had my sunglasses on. I thought about the cultural belief that grief is something we get over or arrive at, like the finish line of a marathon.
Anyone who has lived through grief knows this isn't the case.

In my work as a trauma, grief, and loss therapist, I share tools with people to help with the trauma, grief, anxiety, and depression that can often come after the loss of a loved one. I use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) and bilateral stimulation to help clients move through trauma. Grief is an attachment trauma. I realized on my walk how often we do EMDR naturally to help soothe ourselves. It's that pattern of left, right, left, right, helping the left and right brain process trauma..

Walking and talking with a friend, riding in the car, going on a road trip, and giving the brain new experiences and scenery are all ways to process trauma using bilateral stimulation. Traveling to new countries and having your feet hit the ground, left-right, left, right, create new experiences after loss.

Yes, I still tear up after 36 Father's Days without him. That is the way grief works, and this will always be true.

So, if you are grieving the loss of your father or someone you love. Allow yourself to feel what comes up for you. Think of it as holding your breath while feeling this uncomfortable feeling on the ocean shore. Then let that wave wash over you and imagine it passing. We must feel it to heal it. Sit with your grief, and give yourself a permission slip to feel whatever emotions come up for you today. I promise you will feel better, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Sending big love...

I would love for you to share
1) Your dad's name
2) Daughter/Son//Child of your dad

Angela, daughter of Micheal W. Nelson- True

Maybe you're here because someone is dead. I'm here because someone is dead. Maybe you've come because life has irrevocably changed—through accident or illness, through violent crime or act of nature. ⁣
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How random and fragile life can be. ⁣
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If you've found yourself here, in this life you didn't ask for, in this life you didn't see coming, I'm sorry. I can't tell you it will all work out in the end. I can't tell you things will be just fine.⁣
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You are not "OK." You might not ever be "OK."⁣
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This place is not about fixing you, or fixing your grief. Our work is not about making you "better" or getting you back to "normal." This is about how you live inside your loss. How you carry what cannot be fixed. How you survive. ⁣

And even though that thought—that you CAN survive something as horrifying as this—is unsettling and horrifying in its own right, the truth is, you will most likely survive. ⁣
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Your survival in this life post-loss won't follow steps or stages, or align with anyone else's vision of what life might be for you. Survival won't be found, can't be found, in easy answers or in putting your lost life behind you, pretending you didn't really want it anyway. ⁣
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In order to survive, to find that life that feels authentic and true to you, we have to start telling the truth. This really is as bad as you think. Everything really is as wrong, and as bizarre, as you know it to be. When we start there, we can begin to talk about living with grief, living inside the love that remains.

I am so sorry you have need of this place, and I'm so glad you're here.⁣

❤️

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Wise at Heart Workshop – West Coast 2020 | Mark Matousek Wise at Heart Workshop – West Coast 2020 In times of personal and social uncertainty, we forget that we’re already Wise at Heart. Caught in the struggles of everyday life, it’s easy to lose touch with internal wisdom and look for answers outside of ourselves. However, when we practice turning ...

Some great ideas on how to organize your thoughts for writing a book.

How to Write a Book - The Secret to a Super Fast First Draft Have you ever wondered how to write a book…fast? If you’re like me, then sometimes you have trouble with the hardest part - just getting started. Blog posts ...