02/04/2022
Molly Mattocks is a mother and writer from Noblesville, Indiana. She writes about death and grief. After Izzy: Letters on Living After Loss
𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗘𝗻𝗱 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆: My daughter was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma at the age of three. Izzy lived with cancer for nearly a decade, passing away just two weeks after her thirteenth birthday. During the impossible decisions we were forced to make along the way, I became increasingly aware of the reluctance in our culture to accept death. When I look back at our journey, I see it broken down into two chapters. The Fight took place for almost nine years and over six relapses. We worked constantly to destroy the disease, all the while our treatments were destroying Izzy’s body. The Acceptance took place for the final year. During this chapter we focused only on quality of life, eventually choosing to stop treatment and let her body embrace what was naturally happening. The choice to stop treatment is one that is seldom chosen. Few people choose willingly to walk towards their end. Because we’re afraid of the end. Because we don’t talk about the end. Because choosing death feels like giving up. But sometimes it’s just not. Sometimes choosing death is just accepting reality. At twelve years old I gave Izzy the choice: would you rather live another year in the hospital all the time or only few months at the beach and at home. With grace and dignity, she bravely chose the latter. Izzy knew she had reached a point where death had more to offer her than life. Talking about death took the power away from it. Took many of the unknowns away from it. Her choices made her feel empowered. If she couldn’t live the way she wanted, she deserved to at least die the way she wanted. Since her death I have become passionate about normalizing the end. I write about it almost daily, working to create more dialogue around the acceptance of death. Izzy accepted death as a part of life. Her legacy will go forward as I empower others to do the same. 📷 : Elizabeth Dugan