05/11/2026
We often tell kids, “Don’t worry, it’ll get easier.” And we don’t always challenge them when they deflect a compliment with a- “That’s easy now.”
Both are missed opportunities.
These small moments are chances to strengthen a child’s internal locus of control, or the belief that your effort shapes your outcomes. It’s one of the most powerful predictors of resilience, academic success, and emotional wellbeing in children.
My goal as a mom is to raise “I can figure this out” kids, and as a child psychologist, to help my patients see themselves that way too.
So one of my most used child-psychologist/mom-isms is: “Did it get easier, or did you get better?”
I say it so often my kids mouth it along with me (complete with an eye roll).
When we highlight that the task didn’t change, they did, we give our kids something more powerful than reassurance. We give them evidence.
The message is this: “It might feel easier. But the task is the same. You changed. Your brain changed. That’s neuroscience. Every time you push through something hard, you are literally building new neural pathways.”
In KindMinds language: “The wave didn’t get smaller. You became a more confident surfer.”
So next time your child say, “That’s easy now,” ask them: “Is it easier, or did you get better?”
