12/04/2021
I've traveled a long road in my thinking about this. One of the fundamental shifts came after I processed.some of.my earlies memories of crying it out, and learning that no one was going to come help me. This translates into a grown up belief that those I love are not fully trustworthy. That's not self soothing, thats a thinking error.
"If we can be convinced to disengage with our babies, where does it end? Unknowingly, we allow cultural beliefs to set the stage for a lifetime of disconnection.
From cry it out to time out, it begs the question; how are we convinced to crush our compassion in the first place? What rewards could possibly justify being non-responsive to our children’s needs?
When it comes to infant sleep the prize we’re promised is self-soothing. The theory is that by ignoring a baby’s needs we’re actually teaching them a valuable lesson; how to soothe themselves so that, as parents, we won’t need to continue doing it for them.
Strengthening this theory is the ultimate motivator: fear. Parents are scared into believing that if they refuse to teach their baby how to self-soothe, they’re failing to teach a very necessary life skill.
Thankfully, self-soothing is an illusion. And when we shatter an illusion, it has no power over us; our love can’t be leveraged and our sleep-deprived desperation can’t be taken advantage of. We’re immune to being duped into believing that we need to carry out harsh parenting practices in an attempt to achieve something that doesn’t even exist.
It’s critical to expose and debunk these myths before they embed themselves in our subconscious; creating unrealistic expectations, fueling unnecessary frustration, and driving a wedge between us and those we love most.
Because, no matter what some may say, parenting matters.
Our choices can have powerful consequences, serving to either strengthen or weaken our mutual connection. To build or erode trust and to grow or diminish our confidence as new parents.
In a modern world that places such a high value on the species-inappropriate expectation of solitary sleep, we need to feel emboldened to ask tough questions, to scratch beneath the surface, and seek the truth. So, why is self-soothing the biggest con of new parenthood?"
https://raisedgood.com/self-soothing-biggest-con-new-parenthood/
Do you feel pressured to sleep train your baby so they will learn to "self soothe"? In this post I'll explain why self soothing is nothing more than a myth.
