The Kintsugi Heart Method - Putting the Pieces Back Together

This is the beauty of Wabi Wabi - ❤

When we have negative emotions, we need to allow ourselves to feel them instead of trying to force ourselves to stay positive.

Processing these emotions can be positive and constructive because it allows us to validate and work through them. And, we are human - meant to experience an array of emotions - This can lead to personal growth, emotional resilience, and a deeper understanding of our needs and values. Of course, it's important to manage negative emotions in a healthy way and seek support if they become overwhelming or persistent.

To learn more about The Kintsugi Heart Method, go to my website - https://kimkleincoaching.com/the-kintsugi-heart-method-1 - see if this program might be of help to you, or someone you know. ❤️

The Kintsugi Heart Method — Kim Klein Life Coaching Are you feeling stuck in the aftermath of a divorce or breakup, wasting precious time and energy being heartbroken, wishing for what was, and wondering if you'll ever feel whole again? While mourning our losses is necessary, sometimes we linger there far too long. I know I did. Over 10 years, in fac...

All relationships are different – they all provide us something we need at the time, lessons to learn. We have to stop believing that if a marriage doesn't last till "death do us part" that we have failed. No, we haven't failed. The relationship has served its purpose, and its completion is a natural part of life's journey.

Each relationship helps us grow, understand ourselves better, and prepare for future experiences. When we look at it this way, it allows us to appreciate the beauty of the time we shared, rather than viewing its end as a failure.

In the beautiful philosophy of wabi-sabi, we find the extraordinary in the ordinary, the beauty in imperfection.

Imagine your heart as a vessel, perhaps cracked or even broken, yet filled with gold. Each flaw, each scar, is a testament to your strength, resilience, and capacity for love.

When I got divorced many years ago, I moved into a small apartment. I didn’t think I’d be there long, so I never really unpacked. I didn’t hang the art that I loved on the walls. I didn’t make myself comfortable. Maybe I felt I didn’t deserve to be comfortable, because divorce, is not a comfortable place.

My sister-in-law took me aside. “Make this your home,” she said. “It doesn’t matter if you’re here for a week or ten years, you need to feel at home every day of your life.” And it was great advice. It’s never good to feel like a visitor in your own space.

So no matter where you are ~ in a house or apartment you don’t love, a size of clothing that you’re not happy with ~ or wherever else you may be in your life that doesn’t feel like a place you want to stay for too long ~ it is where you are now. It's home. So for now, own it. Make it yours, get comfortable. Because, as they say, there’s no place like home.

This will pass, but it does take time, more importantly it's what you do with that time that can make it pass a little quicker

There is something called clean pain and dirty pain. Clean pain is that pain you feel when something immediate happens – you get terrible news, you cut your finger while chopping vegetables, you fall down and break your arm. Clean pain. Now dirty pain is when we re-live an incident in our mind and feel that pain all over again. This is what we do after relationships end. We relive all these moments and memories that cause us pain now – but the actual event has already happened. Pay attention to your pain. Is it clean? Or are you digging it up and creating dirty pain for yourself?

It’s only natural that we will go over and over things that were said, things that were done, or thoughts about what could’ve or should’ve been. But this is where you do have some control. I’m not saying this is easy – but if you really do want to move past this pain and on to brighter days, you’ve gotta do the work. You've got to recognize that your thoughts are creating those feelings - creating that pain. We need to work with our thoughts and learn how to re-direct them.

In a relationship, we adjust and make changes to align with our partner's needs and preferences. These might be small changes, like the music you listen to, where you go on vacation, what you do in your spare time, or the activities you share. Sometimes we aren't even aware of it, but we change our interests, our daily habits, which results in us changing our core identity.

However, after a breakup, it's your opportunity to rediscover yourself, to meet yourself again. It's time to reconnect with the person you were before the relationship, explore who you've been in the relationship, and visualize who you'd like to be after the relationship.

Now is the time that you can reconnect with your values, your wants, your needs, and become the person you want to be. We can get lost in the relationship without even realizing that parts of us that we loved, or that we wanted to become, have been minimized or made small. Take this time to focus on you - because YOU are that important.

When going through all the emotions that occur when going through or after a breakup, it's good to remember that the journey of healing is as much about self-discovery and growth as it is about letting go.

By learning from your experiences, practicing self-compassion, and cultivating gratitude, you're taking steps toward a brighter, more empowered future.

When we lose a partner, we lose so much more than just a significant other. We lose mutual friends, families, dreams, hopes, homes, pets, plans, the future as we imagined it. We’re lost. We also take a big hit to our self-worth, our confidence, our trust in others and in our own judgement, we lose our footing.

We may have to find a new home, a job, a way to support ourselves, a way to share our children, and a whole new way to navigate in this new world. It feels like we’ve lost a limb, a part of ourselves, our heart is surely damaged. And if this has been a long-term relationship, then you are suffering a deep rupture in the geography of your life.

• We trusted someone with our life and that trust has been broken

• Vows may have been made. They have been broken

• Hearts were given, hearts have been broken –

And it hurts –

But truthfully, you are not broken. You are still whole. You always have been. Broken things need fixing – hurting things need healing. What broke were the promises, expectations, plans, beliefs, thoughts, and trust that you once had. But not you – you did not break.

It’s ok to look back - but only if we don’t dwell there.

When we spend too much time in our past it obviously prevents us from living fully in the now. Reopening old wounds, rethinking how we might have behaved or reacted differently, basically beating ourselves up for being human. We need to forgive ourselves, accept where we are today, and love ourselves for being a flawed, complicated, and amazing human.

Yes, we all want to plan out our pretty little lives - but no amount of planning can prevent change - change that shows up whether we’ve invited it or not. And when it pays us a visit, we have to host it.

So if we must look back, and we will, we need to just make it a quick look over the shoulder. Smile when we stumble upon beautiful memories and quickly jump over the others that make us sad, mad, or leave us full of regret. I realize that’s not so easy to do. It does take practice and it does take discipline. But it’s worth it. It can give us our life back.

There’s a future out there. Full of new adventures, possibilities, and opportunity. Walk towards it. Make a commitment to spend each day as best you can, living it fully - for one day, these will be the days you look back on.